To go or not to go...and an intro!

Hello!  My name is Shellie.  My hubby, daughter and I currently live in the States and are thinking of moving back to England (hubby is English).  We're having a really hard time making up our minds.  I stay at home with my daughter and my hubby would simply pick back up working with his old company in England (he's a computer programmer). My work, obviously, goes with me.

Really, between the US and England, where is the better place to live?  We've been living in my parent's basement for the last two years, because the economy isn't the greatest.  My hubby is so homesick, but doesn't just want to give up.  Thoughts?  Should I post this on a different forum?

Oh and I guess that's my introduction! *lol*

-Shellie

Hi Shellie and welcome!

I wish I had a magic answer for you, but I am sure you know the "best place" is different for each individual. It sounds like you and hubby need to sit down have a long talk and way out the pros and cons and then decide. One thing I have learned the past few years is.....the hardest part about most major changes is definately deciding...once a decision is made you can go on and make the most of the decision.
Good Luck to you, and sorry I can't be more help. I am currently in the U.S. with my fiance' visa in hand ready to head to England in August.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Helena

Hi Shellie!

Welcome! I hope your decision is the right one for you and your family. Please keep us posted on your process. 

First off - OH MY GOD!! Shellie, fancy meeting you here!! Remember me? Its Sarah - Romana from OTF!!

Anyway, Im so glad to see you've found UK Yankee. As far as your to go or not to go dilema - well, there are lots of reasons for both sides of the picture.

You think the economy in the US is bad? You aint seen nothin yet! Unless Jon has a fantastic job and you have a nice savings set asside, you might find it very difficult to buy a house here. The housing market is so bad at the moment for first time buyers. Couples who are both pulling in great incomes are mortgaging themselves up to the hilt because the prices are so high.

For instance, I live in a small mining town with good transportation links to great cities like Birmingham. The lowest of the market here would be a 2 bed terraced property in need of some serious rennovation and that typically sells for about £85,000 - £95,000 at the moment. Thats about $155k - $175k.

Of course that doesnt mean you CANT find and get what youre looking for if you really want it. Its not impossible to start out here - you just have be determined to make it work. Also, forgetting about how cheap everything in the US is will be a big help! Once you forget what a dollar buys, the better you'll be You just cant compare. Income is higher here too.

The taxes are high, petrol costs are very high, and the job market is pretty bad for people in IT at the moment unless you have GREAT experience. Of course that isnt a problem for Jon, seeing as he's working for a UK company already.

If its important to you to help Jon come back home and be closer to his family, than spending the money is so very worth it. Its a beautiful place, you know that. Theres GREAT TV here and loads of places to travel to, right on your door step. The weather can get you down, but sometimes when it rains it just FEELS like England - and theres really nothing that compares to that. Nothing smells quite like wet English grass in the morning, or seeing that early morning mist roll over the bowling green in town.

I'll surely miss England in many ways. Martin (my UKC husband) and I are about to move back to the States with the hunk of cash we made on our house (or rather, will make hopefully! we're selling at the mo - no offers yet!) . We figure we'll have a better life style in the US. On top of that we'll be closer to my family, which will be great when we start a family of our own. Id love to stay but the cost is too high for us. We have expensive tastes and a lot of debt because of that. Maybe some day we'll come back. Going from the US to the UK is the hardest part. Going back to the US is easy peazy. If in a year or two (or three) you dont like it you can take the money from your house and make out like a bandit in the US!

The education here in England is supposed to be very good in good areas of the country. I think a lot of the american expat parents here can tell you raising their children in the UK has been a great experience for everyone involved. Being here has certainly opened my eyes.

Just listen to your heart. Its ok to say "lets just try it for a while". You dont have to make the decision to move and then worry about not liking it in the UK. Its probably better to give England a go while you can, while your daughter adapts easily, and go from there. If you like it - stay. If you dont - no problem. Just head back to the states.

I dont know how long Jon has had is greencard but if he isnt a citizen yet and can be, you might want to do that before a move to England. That way you dont have to worry about reapplying for a green card should you want to move back to the US and he's been away for more than a year.

So what do you think? Feeling any more certain one way or the other?

Great to see you here! Hope we'll see lots more of you.
Sarah

ps: feel free to pm or email me any time!

Hiya Shellie...

I just wanted to say welcome and to simply say this... when the time is right and if it's meant to be you will know.  We heemmed and hawed for a good while and finally decided to go to the UK for a while.  For us it's a 3 to 5 year plan.  Then we will see if we want to stay there or in the USA.

There are lots of things are are tough for people to adjust to in the UK, but it's like anywhere and has it's good and bad points.  I firmly believe that you can make a life wherever you choose. 

We will have been here for three years and 6 months to the day my husband landed in the USA...I just figured it was time for us to try it there.  One thing taken from a frequent expat to other nations........ make sure that if you move to the UK to be prepared to get out of the house, learn to drive or whatever things you do here.  The worse thing would be to lock yourself in the house and let the homesickness eat away at you!

Good luck in whatever you decide!

Wleocme to UKY!

make sure that if you move to the UK to be prepared to get out of the house, learn to drive or whatever things you do here.  The worse thing would be to lock yourself in the house and let the homesickness eat away at you!

Amen to that. Thats exactly what I didnt do (get out, learn to drive, make friends etc) and it's the only thing I really regret about my time in England. It was only after I decided to go back that I found expat communities like this one! I only wish I found UKY sooner Everyone here has been so nice, I would have liked to get together with everyone and make some fellow expat friends

S

Hi Shellie - difficult decision - if you came to the UK any idea whereabouts you'd live? If you're worried about house prices forget London! Anyway good luck with your decision, ask away if there's anything specific you want to know

Liz

  Hey Shelie!

  Welcome to UK Yankee!.

  If you don't mind me asking a bunch of nosey questions. (you don't need to answer them, just treat them as retorical food for thought). How old is your daughter and how settled in is she with school and mates. I saw a documentary on a british family buying an alpine hostel and the difficulties the kids faced and it was not pretty. If your daugter is open to new chalenges or is very young it might be the best thing that ever happened to her.

Have you ever lived abroad before? Have you ever visited the UK? Is there a way you can try to live here for a short while, renting to see if you like it? If it doesnt work out it sounds like you could move back no problem. If you met and married in the US I think its fair that you should expect to settle in the US. Was this ever discused before you married?

If it is the right thing for your family a stint living abroad can be one of the great times of your lives and you should take advantage of it. The UK is a grat place to live and it's very cheap and easy to travel all around europe and the world.

hello shellie, welcome to uky...  it sounds as though you have a tough decision to make...  I am sure the right answer will come to you all...but possibly a long visit here could help you decide...

Thanks for all the many replies!  Y'all are awesome.

First of all, hello Sarah!!!  Thank you for all your input!  It definitely got me thinking, especially the part about Jon's green card.  I never thought of that!

Liz--We'd live in Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk. 

Scoobie--My daughter will be two next month and the next one isn't even born yet.  No worries about school stress yet. 

Yes, I have lived abroad before.  My dad was in the Army and met my mom in Germany.  So we lived there for a while (that was my first language, actually) and then moved to the States.  Here in the States, we moved constantly.  I've lived in many places Maine to Arkansas.  Then when I married my dh, we moved to England for five months while he got his affairs in order.  So, yes, I've lived there for a little while and had many visits before and after that.  I'd say I'm more used to moving and living abroad than he ever was.  Yes, we discussed living here before we were married, but my husband only saw the US through rose colored glasses back then.  He assumed that it was the land of opportunity and found himself unemployed last year.  I think it was all a big shock to him.

Again, thanks for all your imput.  I'm definitely weighing the facts and praying some.  I guess we'll see where it leads us in the end. 

-Shellie

Welcome Shellie!

I'm sure you realise that it is purely a decision the two of you need to make for yourself but my suggestion is...if you have the means, do it. You will never know which side of the ocean is best for you unless you have first hand experience.  Luckily, for me and my DH, the decision to live in the UK was an easy one and neither one of us has regretted it.

From what it sounds like, and if you don't mind me making presumptions, it sounds as though you are both a bit disheartened about living where you are. As scarey as it is, completing upturning your life is very exciting and satisfying. And you must remember that it isn't like you can never go back to the US if things don't work out here either.

You already know what to do.....weigh the pluses and minuses and most of all, follow your heart and dreams (both of you). I'm sure the answer is staring you in the face whatever it is.

Best of luck though and this place is great support when needed....I only wish I had found it when I was preparing for and recovering from my move.

Hello again Shellie! Im totally agreeing with Lynne there. And if you need anything info to help weigh the plusses and the minusses we're all here to pitch in! Let us know how your decision making goes either way

Sarah

Hi Toddy! I live right near Bury St. Edmunds right now - (live in Ely) - and know the area quite well, my husband grew up right near here as well. I have to ditto what everyone else says! My husband & I are moving back to the States after months of not knowing where to go. We made our decision by getting out a piece of paper and writing down every single Pro and Con we could about living in *both* countries. We also made a list of things we wanted for our son, regardless of which country he was in. The scales tipped slightly in America's favor. Also - - - I've lived in England and know I could live here quite happily for the rest of my life. But DAvid doesn't know that about America, and we feel like we've got this great opportunity that being in a multi-national marriage brings, we've got this chance to live on either side of the atlantic and so many people don't have that chance - so it's only fair to give America a shot as well. We're going over on a basic 5 year plan. If he hates it, if I hate it, if we want our sone to go to scohol in England - we can always come back to England. But we didn't feel secure making that final final decision (because once he's in school we want to stay put in whichever country we're in)... anyway we didn't want to make that final final decision until we had given both countries a real try.

Hugs to you!