Potty Training

Help!

I'm starting this because I noticed in a different thread, that perhaps I've done the wrong thing with dd.  She isn't potty trained yet and will be 3 in August.

Keep in mind, because of her language delays (which seem fine now, but some concepts still seem difficult for her) we have had a hard time getting the concept of the potty through to her.

It's been one step forward, one step back.  We've had a few real potty successes, but mostly either failures or flat-out refusals to use it.  ("Dagmar, do you want to go pee-pee in the potty?"  "Nooooooo."  Then she runs away.)

Any hints/tips/tricks?  Especially with a new one on the way, we think it's really time to get seriosu about this.  Most books I've read say there is nothing wrong with waiting until they are three...but I'm starting to feel wierd about it, especially after reading that other thread.

I'd really rather not have two in diapers!!!

I wouldn't worry about it, really.  Children do know when it's their own personal time.  And don't worry about "that other thread"!

I have two boys.  The oldest one was wearing those wonderful "big boy" training pants until he was 4, and still had to wear the overnight ones until he was almost 8.  The youngest, however, just simply decided one day that he wanted to wear real big boy underpants and that was it.  No messes, no back-sliding, nothing.  He was about 2.

Every child is different.  As long as you are broaching the subject and not completely ignoring it, I wouldn't let anyone else tell you what's right and what's wrong in this situation.

Except me, of course!   

My youngest had a speech delay/hearing loss so I can relate with you on this.   It seemed to make so many things difficult.  My first two were potty trained very early and like you, I started to panic when she neared three and we weren't there yet.  In the end, I got her up one day, put on a pair of pants, and told her that from this day on she was using the toilet.  And it worked.  No more nappies, you're a big girl now.  I'm sure it won't work with every child but it seemed to with her.  Another thing is that not all children like the potty-some perfer to have the seat on the toilet.  Maybe you  could try this. 

I wouldn't worry about it too much - each kid is different and has their own pace. What worked for ours was the idea of going to school - she couldn't go to school unless she was potty trained. She had a couple of accidents (kids do) but more or less she took to it fine. I didn't sweat it and don't sweat much stuff because I take the long view - she won't be wearing nappies at 12 so if she got out of them at 3 instead of 2 I was not worried. She's just now in the process of not using her pacifiers anymore - some parents take them off it real young and some let them use them til they're 5. In our case the dentist pointed out the effect it was having on her teeth and luckily my brother just had a baby so we were able to say to her that now she was a big girl who needed big strong teeth and that the new baby could use her do's, would she send them over to the new baby and she agreed. It's been a bit tough for her because they were her comfort item more than anything but she's doing it. Don't worry, your kid will potty train and it won't be so bad. And a year from when they do, you'll have forgotten all the heartache over will they/wont they.

So smile and f-the begrudgers!

I have to agree with everyone else...dont worry about it!! dont stress!! Start introducing it to your child but when they are ready it will come easy..when they arent you are just setting up a battle. I teach at Head Start (3-5) year olds. Every year we have a child or two who isnt potty trained yet. It isnt a big deal. There are few controls a child has in their lives. The two main ones are eating and bathrooming. Dont set up any power struggles.

Some may disagree but I personally have found a small reward system works well when the child is ready. The reward can be putting a sticker on a chart..or my favorite m&m's.
My daughter and many children i know were trained with m&m's as an incentive. They got one if the pee'd , 2 if they pooped, and three if they did both. It isn't a huge treat. Just enough to give a little incentive...and they quickly forget about them once going to the bathroom becomes regular. My only other suggestion is when they seem ready...put them in underwear. They need to feel the uncomfortable wetness to understand the concept. With today's disposable diapers they dont feel the wetness. If you aren't comfortable with the mess of underwear, have them wear the underwear under diapers.

Okay I realize this was long and may be more than you wanted---but it's just what I have found works with most kids over the years. Hope it helps some!

Helena

I'm starting this because I noticed in a different thread, that perhaps I've done the wrong thing with dd.  She isn't potty trained yet and will be 3 in August.

I felt a bit of a louse reading that thread. My youngest is 3 and has until the last couple of weeks, has not been interested at all in the potty. Two months ago, we tried 4 days in undies and we made lots of puddles, and wet spots on the carpets. We let it go for a bit. I'm about to give it another try, was planning to tomorrow, so this is a coincidence.

Keep in mind, because of her language delays (which seem fine now, but some concepts still seem difficult for her) we have had a hard time getting the concept of the potty through to her.

I've had language delays with my youngest two, my son trained just before his fourth birthday, my youngest is 3-1/2. My oldest 3 trained at two years. I don't think there is a set rule on when a child should be toilet trained, they'll do it when they're ready. I've taken a lot of stick from my hubby and in-laws, but unless they want to give me a hand with things around here, she'll get toilet-trained in due time.

And don't believe the in-laws when they tell you their boys were trained at 12 months. 

What I've got ready for toilet training tomorrow:

- a reward Star Chart (Disney, from Marks & Spencers) it's like an advent calendar, good deed= open door, get sweet and gold star, cost somewhere around £1-£2

-Kandoo toilet wipes sent me a free sticker set and coupon for free pack.

-lots of knickers and trousers.

Good sign for readiness, indicating somehow that they've soiled their nappies/diapers, mines doing this regularly the last couple of weeks, including stripping off the offending nappy.

Don't worry! It will come in time.

I think the "average" age for potty-training is about 3 anyway...so I wouldn't worry about it. My first two sons were 2 years and 3 months each when they potty trained...because I had bought a potty at age two and merely mentioned that whenever they felt like it, they could "pee and poo" in the potty instead of in their pants. Maybe they did use it a few times...can't remember...only that I had child #2 and child #3 when the previous one was 2 years 3 months...and after a week or two of me merely saying "your little baby can't do all the things you can do (eat foods, talk, play with toys, walk, run etc) and they have to put their pee and poo into their diapers for me to clean etc." they were more than happy to start using the potty to receive a lot of praise for them being so big and in control! Especially when I would casually mention after using the bathroom myself that "isn't it nice that you and I don't have to feel pee and poo in our underwear?" No big deal made...just lots of short positive phrases throughout the day. If they did happen to have an "accident" I would clean them up without any mention of it at all. (Remember, negative attention is STILL attention!)  Of course...they must have been physiologically ready also...because it is not just a psychological battle, even though it can seem that way! My third child was a girl...and she very easily trained at two. (See my post in the wee problem thread...her birthday was the end of June and for the most part she was bare-butt at home, inside or out, and the potty was always there to use with ease.) There were no pull-ups with my older kids....but my second son continued to wet at night (maybe once a month?) until he was age 10. My twins were potty trained during the day by 2 1/2...but night time is still up in the air at times. We'll go a few months with no problems, then a week's worth of wetting. One hasn't for 6months now...and the other one hasn't for the past two weeks.

Eventually, all kids do learn how to use the toilet and tie their shoes! So that is my advice to you...be casual. Lots and lots of positive praise when she does use it...be neutral when she doesn't.

It took me 3 kids to get there, but with the third I subscribed to the "3 days, $40" method of potty training.  The oldest was pretty much trained by her day care provider.  My second, eventually at nearly 3 and me changing 2 sets of diapers I forced the issue a bit and then she became fully trained.  The third, I learned from a friend the "3 days, $40" method and was hooked.  By the time the third was about 2 I was so sick of changing diapers, I was willing to give just about anything a go so I didn't have to change diapers anymore (Hey, 4 years of changing diapers every day will do that to a person). 

Anyway, when she was about 21-22 months old, we rolled up the rugs, put the potty chair out and let the kid run without a diaper for the day.  Every time she began to pee, I picked her up and put her on the pot.  By the end of the day, she was sitting on the pot herself and going.  After 3 days, she was pretty much trained.  We had a little bit of a snag with putting her in panties, as she seemed to think if she had panties on that she could pee her pants.  But she got through that in a few days and was ok.  So by the time she turned 2 she was fully trained.  We didn't really need the $40 as we had hardwood floors, but if you've got carpets, use the $40 and rent a carpet cleaner to clean your carpets after. 

If by some sort of Divine Humour I ended up with another child, this is the way I'd do it.  But I would never condemn anyone for waiting or doing it differently.  Best of luck, deary!  Been right where you're at!

My first was also pretty much trained by the sitter and if I remember correctly, he was trained by two.  Now with this one, there is no sitter and mummy gets to potty train all by her lonesome (with occasional help from daddy)!

In a few weeks, Niall turns 18 months.  Once he's turned 18 months, we'll buy the potty chair and start using potty language.  I won't push him at this age.  Just encourage him and get him used to the chair and the language.

If anything, the next few months will prove interesting!

Yes those Kando wipes are great - I told my daughter that now that she was a big girl who used the potty she didn't need baby wipes anymore, she was a big girl. That really seemed to capture her imagination and she was very proud of having different wipes. Showing her how to use them and put them in the toilet when she was done was also a step useful for explaining how to use the toilet to begin with. She felt good about the whole thing, being a big girl, learning something new.

Also if there is an older kid that the toddler looks up to don't be shy in asking them to help. We have a teenage step daughter that my toddler really likes and she made a big fuss over my daughter wearing underpants like a big girl and my toddler just glowed about that. It's handy now whenever my daughter is rebelling a little, our step daughter plays the psychology game with her. Coming from Mommy it's one thing but coming from her sister it's another and she's more willing to do it to impress her sister.

Lastly, Pampers/Kando is currently doing a mailing where they send you a voucher for a free box of kandos and a little book with stickers ala the reward scheme mentioned earlier. Each page is a different aspect, using the toilet, wiping, washing hands, drying hands, flushing the toilet, and you put a sticker on the page everytime they do whatever thing right. So it's worth giving a try, you could probably ring the Pampers customer service line on the package of whatever Pampers product you might have and ask them to send you the mailing if you're not already on their Mommy list.

Good luck! It's not as hard as it seems before you start the process!