How do you handle the rows?

I agree. having listened to everyone share their experiences, it is clear that things between the BF and I are not so good. So I'm going to take a break from it.

I'm sorry to hear that, Gwendeelou.  We're always here for you, though!

Nothing wrong with that...DH and I have shouted at each other exactly once in three years, and that was at about the 6-month mark in our relationship.  It's not that I don't get angry with him (and he with me, I expect) it's just that we don't get carried away with it.  People often remark on how we don't ever fight, but honestly the fights just don't happen. 

same here. My friends cant' believe that Tim and I don't fight...but we just don't. I mean, if we disagree with the other, we talk about it, but we resolve things without fighting/yelling/stomping off. 

I'm sorry to hear that, Gwendeelou.  We're always here for you, though!

Thank you so much! Talking with everyone here as made me realize a few things. Even though we get along great in person and I love him and we have so much in common and make each other laugh: he does need to grow up. Many times I get frustrated because I'm working very hard to save up money and finish up my education (I'm currently working on a post-bac teaching certificate) and getting my affairs in order so that IF we wanted to get marrried and be together, it would be a realistic option. And he is still enjoying a carefree life and would rather go out and have a good time than stay at home and save his money and chat with me.

So yeah, the best thing to do is let him know how I feel and that I need a few weeks to sort out my head.

People put different values on different things. For me, getting along with no conflict is VERY important, so of course I'm going to be with someone with whom I have no arguments/issues. Same with BJStC, I'm sure. And it seems from your post, if this is upsetting you, then you place a high value on it, too. If that's the case, then maybe you're with the wrong person.

For your amusement, this is a "fight" for us.....

IM Becca: I'm just going to call you...
[skype rings....and rings...and rings...]
IM Becca: Or not. Since you ignored it.
IM Tim: What? What did I ignore?
IM Becca: My call.
IM Tim: I have the headset plugged in but not on, and I told you I was (things he was doing)
IM Becca: Oh. I thought you were back already. Call for 5 sec?
IM Tim: You can't manage 5 minutes.
IM Becca: Yes i can!
[skype rings...he answers]
Becca: I'm sorry.
Tim: it's alright. I was frustrated.
Becca: I know.  I didn't mean to (what I did)
Tim: I know.
Becca: kay. Love you.
Tim: Love you too.
[end call]

And honestly? every single "fight" we have is like that.  The what's and the whos don't matter, but we never actually fight. it's always something silly, and then we call ech other and kiss and make up.

Awww...too cute. I've never used Skype, as my computer is a bit slow, and we usually end up chatting on the phone most of the time (I have a fantastic calling card, only 4 cents a minute)

I did some soul searching and came to my senses and realized I was being not a very nice person, and he was able to accept my apology. Even though it is something that bothers me, I just have to suck it up and be a bit more adult about it.

Fortunately, I have a few free weeks in August so I am starting to plan a visit...if only summer airfares weren't so dang expensive.

I'm glad you're trying to work things out! 

I'm on a LDR group, and I always tell them that relationships are about communication, trust, and being willing to compromise, especially when it comes to long distance relationships!

I would advise that both of you need to make a pact to never sign off/ leave the conversation with heated tempers.  Stay on, work it out, and both go away at least content the other isnt angry.

Absolutely.  If you can't get your BF to agree to that, perhaps he really *does* have some growing up to do.  Best of luck.

I read this topic with interest, my bf and I don't really ever argue but I think it's valuable to read advice and have a healthy attitude if it ever does happen.

The observation I would like to make is that in my experience outside my LDR, it is ridiculously easy for there to be miscommunication if using IM type programmes to communicate. With friends, I'd get the wrong end of the stick or we'd misunderstand what the other was saying etc. Phones or skype voice calls are much better but honestly, nothing can beat video calling. When my bf and I first started video calling we never looked back even though we'd never argued before that anyway. We hadn't met in person then, just emails, voice calls and photos. At first I was doing full hair and makeup before every call :p within days we'd seen each other at our very best and very worst and were even more in love than before. Seeing his expression as he talks and watching him smile in reaction to something I've said is just amazing. It's like being in the same room together. I would definitely recommend you try it if you are having silly arguments using IM.

Now we only ever use IM if we're typing messages to each other as we are on a video call, or if one of us isn't at their computer and we just want to leave a little message for when they get back The phone is only if one of us is away from home or the internet is down.

Something I will say though is that being in a LDR, as we all know, is tough at the best of times. If you can't resolve disagreements quickly and without the slightest trace of ongoing resentment, you are heading for trouble. Without a doubt. It's the same in any relationship, but long distance? Nightmare. I totally agree with the advice not to sign off until you've tackled athe problem and completely cleared the air. Like I said before my bf and I haven't had arguments but sometimes one of us will be a little sad or down, almost always because we're feeling the distance and counting the days until we get married in May or when my bf's father is very ill or just because we've had a bad day! It's frustrating not to be there to administer hugs and TLC to the person you are in love with when they're upset. Times like those are an opportunity to prove to each other that we're in it forever, not just for the happy cheerful days, but there to support each other through the tough times too.

I really hope it works out for you!

Good luck.

I second what tigerbunny mentioned about the video calls--if you can do them, I think they help *loads*. I just use MSN and a regular webcam and headset and me and my husband hardly ever type to each other except for emails while he's at work or texts while he's out and about. It makes it a little easier to deal with arguments and such if you can actually see the person and hear them since sometimes things come across badly in text. I know sometimes I misinterpret things that I read, or I put my own spin on it when the person never intended for it to be read that way.

i don't disagree that webcams can help, but I don't think they're 100% necessary for a long distance relationship.   

IF you have them, then use them, but before you go out and buy one I'd talk it over with your SO.  Tim and I have the never ending debate about them. First we wanted them, then we don't, then we dis...so we currently don't.  LOL