Just a shitty day...

This is likely to be long & of no interest to anyone. I just need to vent & hope it makes me feel better.

Ok so today is just total shite. DF is away at an air show this week so we're only able to talk maybe 20 minutes each day & send messages here & there. I miss him so much! I guess i'd better get used to it though because once I move in with my dad next month & hopefully get a job, we won't be able to talk all our waking hours like we normally do now. But then again, I'll be occupied with other things.

I have soooo much to do & feel like I am getting nothing done. I have to finish sorting & packing the house so we'll be ready to move 800 miles at the end of the month. Once there I've got to get my daughter enrolled in her new school & try to find a job for myself, even though I'll hopefully be leaving the country in December. I'm not likely to find a teaching job or even an assistant position like that. Then I have to find daycare for my son too.

I still have to get my divorce from the a**hole. I talked to him again last night & asked if he would go ahead & sign the divorce papers before we leave. At least this time he didn't give me an outright "no." He told me again that he won't give up on us getting back together & I told him once again that it is never going to happen. He won't sign the papers just out of spite. *sigh*

I have to apply for passports for the kids, but I don't know if I should go ahead & do it now & with their dad's consent or wait until the divorce goes through & I have sole custody so I won't need his consent. I'm just afraid that the HO may hold it against me if I go ahead & get them with his consent. Would they say I don't have sole responsibility if I get the passports with his consent??

I want to get my passport replaced with my maiden name because I don't want apply for my visa & marry DF with the a**hole's last name. Of course that is something else that I have to wait on the divorce for.

I can't apply for our visas until the divorce is through. That damn divorce is holding everything up!

And of course ALL of this costs money, something that I have very little of right now.

I just feel like I am sitting here spinning my wheels right now. I am just frustrated & depressed today. *sigh*

I have answered in PM, but a few thoughts here.

If you think the ex will consent to the passports, there is no problem as for as the HO are concerned with getting them.

You can apply for a fiancee visa before the divorce is finalised, as long as it will be complete within six months and you can prove this.  But of course you can't get your children's until you have sole custody...unless ex consents to you bringing them over.

Can you really not go back to your maiden name until the divorce is through?  Can't you change it by deed poll or something, so at least you can make a start with a new passport?

Hang in there, this *will* get better.

Vicky

If your divorce decree states that you can return to your maiden name then all one has to do is supply the court order with a passport renewal and voila! name change done.

WebyJ, I am just waiting for my divorce to be final to send in with the new passport application.

Vicky, you are wonderful! You have really helped settle my nerves so much! Thank you again! I was under the impression that I could go ahead and apply for my fiancee visa before the divorce is final, but as you said, I need the sole custody spelled out in the divorce in order to get the visas for the kids. I am thinking that it would be best to submit our three visas applications together, right? I know that the ex will not give consent for them to come over. He is still trying to control me in any little way he can.

I think that the divorce decree specifying the name change is the only way I can change it other than another court order of some type, but I will look into it. I'll check out deed polls & see what I can find out. Does anyone else know if we can change our names here in the US by deed poll?

Thanks for all the encouragement. There are definitely days when I need it.

On a positive note, I tried making fish & chips & mushy peas for tea to help with the "homesickness". It was great and I do feel a little better.

Hi EnglishHolly,

I'm sorry for you troubles. Just to clear up some things, there's no such animal as deep poll in the states. Your surname can only be changed upon divorce finalization, child adoption, marriage, or a specific legal suit for that purpose.

With divorce and marriage it's automatic. You either instruct it in the divorce suit, or just tell the judge verbally what you want it to be. It can revert to any name you have previously held. (It's somewhat more complex to change it to a name you've never had before.)

So since the divorce is the hang up, once that's final, you'll have your preferred surname back anyway.

Best of luck to you. And hang it there!

Glad I've been some help.

I thinky uo are right, that you may as well wait until you can apply for all three together.

Sorry my thoughts on the name change didn't work...in the UK it is totally different, and a married woman can use either name at any point.

Did you make your own batter?  I think there is an art to fish batter, so well done for getting it right!

Thanks ladies. I am feeling a lot better today. Just writing out my frustrations yesterday helped me pinpoint problems and work out for myself what I need to do. And as a bonus, I got some great advice too. So thank you!

Vicky, I wasn't feeling that adventurous, so I just used frozen fish fillets. But they were oh so good with the chips & mushy peas. Maybe next time I will stretch a little & try doing my own batter.