How is an "international marriage" any more complicated than a child with parents on two different continents? Just asking.
We-ell. If you really want to know. Let me try to think. First of all, the baby wasn't exactly planned and we hadn't known each other all that long. But the main thing was that I was working, had a job I liked, a place to live, a life. James also was fairly independent and was in the US on a work visa so that wasn't an issue.
Marriage was something that we felt we were being pressured into and that we weren't necessarily ready to commit to each other. I made the decision to have the baby and I was independent enough to do that at the time. I guess I'm a person that feels that it's possible to commit to a baby without committing to another person. His commitment to the baby was one that he made independent of mine and was not something I would ever pressure a person to do.
When we got married, we knew that one of us was making a permanent decision to leave behind their life basically. Family, job, freinds, country. And an International marriage IS more complicated than one between two people living in the same country of the same cultural background. It has to be-even if you're just looking at the logistics of it. Visas, moving, finances. And if the marriage breaks down, there are even more complications.
Sure a baby having a parent on two continents would be complicated. But do-abe. Not ideal, of course, but then neither would having unhappy parents who had rushed into a marriage that they weren't ready for. Or warring parents after a divorce. It was the right decision for us. Maybe not for everybody, but that's not what I'm advocating.
We did get married when Emily was about 4 months old. When we both felt we knew each other well enough and that we were ready for a permanent commitment.