How to handle internet long distance marriage?

I am not sure if I have the right topic or even if I am on the right forum but I will ask anyway.
I read your messages how you met your fiance, husband and I am one of them. I am just wondering how you handle long distance married life?  How you decide where is the best to settle in UK or in US, who is moving and why? How you handle a marriage on daily basis with a spouse you met on line? How you handle money matters, chores, etc.? Starting new life in UK how you handle all these going out pub meals? How you handle money matters when you are a saver and husband is a spender? How you leave your life, family and friends back home and join a partner you love? Have you ever thought about what if relationship fails what do you do in a new country alone?
I am independent woman and everthing I done or achieved was on my own, I love my husband and want to be with him, but I have so many questions  which are so important in daily life. How you balance everything? Can you please share your good and bad days and its experiences.

 Sorry to digress and pick out only one thing in your post, but......"all these pub meals" ?? 

I think the last time I even found myself having a pub meal was 1986!

They are not mandatory you know!  I know lots of people who are not even into the pub culture; I'm one, and a recent new circle of friends are another.

I wouldn't get too worried about how to deal with pub meals if that's not something you care about, lol.

Sorry to digress and pick out only one thing in your post, but......"all these pub meals" ?? 

I think the last time I even found myself having a pub meal was 1986!

They are not mandatory you know!  I know lots of people who are not even into the pub culture; I'm one, and a recent new circle of friends are another.

I wouldn't get too worried about how to deal with pub meals if that's not something you care about, lol.

True Midnight...I can count on one hand the number of pub meals that we've had in 2 years...

I think many of your questions can be asked by anyone in a marriage, regardless of the distance. Money, family, where to move, who spends and who doesn't, budgeting, new ways of life... those can be pretty universal issues for a married couple, particularly if one or both of you is very independent.

Those issues can be magnified when you bring distance into the mix, of course. Choosing a country is sometimes a no brainer, sometimes the most difficult decision. Who has the better job. Where is the best support system? Job prospects? Housing options? There will be a lot of Pros vs Cons lists in that decision.

I think many of your questions can be asked by anyone in a marriage, regardless of the distance. Money, family, where to move, who spends and who doesn't, budgeting, new ways of life... those can be pretty universal issues for a married couple, particularly if one or both of you is very independent.

Those issues can be magnified when you bring distance into the mix, of course. Choosing a country is sometimes a no brainer, sometimes the most difficult decision. Who has the better job. Where is the best support system? Job prospects? Housing options? There will be a lot of Pros vs Cons lists in that decision.

Thank you all.
We tried to settle here in Canada, I have everything: own condo, well paid job, my DH was banging his head against the wall trying to get a job with no luck. Now is  in London, got a good job, getting back on his feet and waiting for me to move. I applied for my UK visa and getting ready emotionally and financially for a big move, but asking myself if I am making right choice.
Someone here said:"Life's too short to have regrets! This keeps me going on with my move.
Yes, I am settled here, but I am bored, I am looking for a new challenge, start, move even I have doubts. I know I am go getter, resoursfull and I know we will make it! Your commnets helps big time.

There have been a few posts on here lately about how a move across the ocean in either direction can leave a person feeling very torn at times. Some people move without hesitation and never looking back, some move without ever really wanting it to work and just live with the plan of going home some day, but I think that majority of people love a lot about both places. And that's really great most of the time - but heartbreaking other times. Love and Flexibility are what can help the most sometimes.

It's hard to be "flexible" in the event of  1) everything going truly to hell in a handbasket, and I do mean Hell, and 2) no love.

That happens to a tiny minority. Don't condemn them for finding it very hard to make anything at all work ever again, including their will to go on.

I'm sorry, midnight_blue, was that directed at me?
Because I was condemning no one. In any way, shape or form.

It's hard to be "flexible" in the event of  1) everything going truly to hell in a handbasket, and I do mean Hell, and 2) no love.

That happens to a tiny minority. Don't condemn them for finding it very hard to make anything at all work ever again, including their will to go on.

Is something wrong, MB? It's just you've been taking lots of things as attacks lately which are in no way meant that way. And it's not really ambiguous. Marlspo wasn't codemning anything or anyone and it would actually take quite a feat of mental defensive calisthenics to interpret it that way.

Is everything ok?

It's hard to be "flexible" in the event of  1) everything going truly to hell in a handbasket, and I do mean Hell, and 2) no love.

That happens to a tiny minority. Don't condemn them for finding it very hard to make anything at all work ever again, including their will to go on.

Thank you all for the comments.
MB I think I read in one of your messages about a bad relationship you went through. If so, then you are still in grieving process, sometime it takes longer than a year. Plus your move to another country doesn't help. I have been there, done that, but having supportive friends to talk helps, it definitely helped me. Make friends, find a romance even a short one, you will look into the world with different eyes. Be strong my friend, being here I am sure you look for some sort of support system, and we are here for you. Just please don't be negative. Life is too short to have regrets!

winner, I understand your questions/concerns and I agree with Marlespo. When moving countries, it is so easy to focus on all you're leaving behind, especially since there are so many unknowns about where you are heading. (I know because I was in that place not that long ago.) It is a huge set of changes, but that doesn't mean it can't be wonderful.

I take the view that my home is wherever my husband is. We made the decision to live in Scotland together, because it was the only real option financially. Marriage isn't always easy, but I couldn't imagine my life without my husband. He is worth any inconvenience or discomfort this move may have caused.

One thing I found helpful adjusting to married life- is to make a commitment to be an avid learner of your spouse, take a genuine interest in who they are, don't just see what they're doing, but to try and understand their motivations.

All this is just my two-cents, so feel free to disregard. But know, you aren't the only one whose asked these questions. I'm sure once you get through the initial bumps of the transition, you will begin to feel at ease with the move. I truly hope things work out for you.

This is one of those 'How long is a piece of string?' kind of questions, and you'll get as many different answers as there are individuals with little in the way of universal truths.

I am just wondering how you handle long distance married life? 

I handle it quite well - it worked out brilliantly for me!

How you decide where is the best to settle in UK or in US, who is moving and why? 

I moved to England.  DH was very well situated in his professional career (software engineer) whereas I had always worked in a 'job' (of one sort or another) but nothing that would really be considered a profession or that was well paid.  Both his parents are alive & well, and his parents and his brother are only about a 3-4 hour drive away, and he was seeing them regularly at intervals throughout the year.  I had lived up to 5 hours' flight time away from my family all along and only saw them sporadically - I see them more now (usually once a year) than I did when I lived in the US.  My dad died when I was a little girl, and my mom had been ill for 30 years & didn't know me anymore when I would go to see her (she died last year).  I was up for an adventure, and DH wasn't especially interested in moving to the US - which was fine by me, so I moved here.

How you handle a marriage on daily basis with a spouse you met on line? 

No differently than I would handle marriage on a daily basis with a spouse that I met any other way. ??

How you handle money matters, chores, etc.?   

Our money is completely shared between us - no separate finances.  DH is the primary earner in our household, and I work part-time (3 days a week).  Because I work outside the home only part-time, I do more of the household chores - most of the housecleaning - ha ha but neither of us is much bothered about that (i.e., we are lazy) so no pressure really.  I do all the laundry.  We share the cooking.  He does most of the food shopping and washing up (washing the dishes) - I pitch in as needed, and he does most of the gardening (small garden).  I oversee arranging to have work done on the house (contractors, etc) as we are fixing up our house on a long term plan.  He watches over our finances primarily because thinking/worrying about money really stresses me out.  Neither of us has children.  We are a team. 

Starting new life in UK how you handle all these going out pub meals?

Ooooh yes!  Pub meals - we have these on average about once a week.  Yum!  But we also cook most of our meals at home from scratch & we love doing that too.  We are both foodies (a bit anyway) & both reasonably good cooks.

How you handle money matters when you are a saver and husband is a spender?

Not really an issue.  He tends to save more, I tend to spend more - but neither of us is extreme in either regard.  He's not a miser, and I'm not a spendthrift.

How you leave your life, family and friends back home and join a partner you love?

It wasn't that big an issue as explained above.  It took me a couple of years to find a job that I found tolerable, but I never found 'career fulfillment' in the US either, so no big deal.  I have more friends and more social life here than I ever had in the US.  I am happier than I have ever been in my life before.  I don't necessarily believe in all that 'spiritual home' stuff, but the move here has worked out better (in the end - took time to adjust & make friends etc) than I could ever have imagined.  The only thing I wish for is better weather - lol!

Have you ever thought about what if relationship fails what do you do in a new country alone?

Not something I think much about, because we are so happily married and plan to remain that way.  If something did happen (separation or death), the answer is 'it depends'.  In the beginning, I might have gone back to Tampa Bay (where I last lived in the US) because I had a nice life there too, a job I that thought was okay, and I liked the weather.  But the more time passes, I feel that my life is here now - I wouldn't be 'alone', because I have so many friends and a pretty great life here.  His family considers me part of the family now, and I am close to my in-laws - we all get along well.  Plus the NHS and things like that would be strong arguments for me against moving back.

How you balance everything? 

This is not something I worry about.  Things have worked out well.  Our fifth anniversary is a week from today. 

Thank you all aging for sharing your daily life and your comments helps a lot. Yes, I do have a good life here in Canada, yes I am settled, yes, my heart will be torn by leaving my family, but I need to live my life and make my own choices. I love my husband and want to be with him, I am sure my family eventually will accept my decision, right now they feel I am betraying them by choosing my husband over them. It is sad that my family forgot that I have my own life and need to live my life not be their pillar for rest of my life. Who knows what future will lay down my way, but I know we will make it! My husband is just the person I wanted all my life, I never get bored with him, he makes me laugh, he makes me happy in every way. Worries and money matters are normal issues in a family, but we will work it out. At 51 I don't want to spend my life alone (I had my share), but my family doesn't understand that, all they know that I am leaving them and my life here and think it is such immature thing to do. I on other hand think it is my life and even things don't work out I am in charge of my life and my mistakes. I am sure I will be happy in a new country.
Thank you for listening.
Good luck to all of you in UK!

How can your family feel you are betraying them by choosing your husband over them?? That's ridiculous to me. It's called being married!

First of all, pub meals - particularly those delightful Sunday roasts - are kind of great. 

For us, moving to the UK was a no-brainer. I had just graduated from college, and R's held a fabulous position here in town for the past several year and it just didn't make sense for him to try to find a new job in his field (not many positions open, ever) when I didn't have a good reason to stay. Plus I'm a bit of a gypsy, always open to a change of scenery.

The marriage thing, though - we're negotiating all of those little but vital compromises now. We didn't live together before marriage, so in some respects we're learning a lot of new things about each other. He's definitely a saver, I'm definitely a spender, and, um, I'm kind of broke at the moment from the visas and the move (and from not having a job), so it's frustrating at times. This is also the first time I've ever been totally dependent on another person, which is more of a "culture shock" than the actual move to Britain was.

I don't really know how to answer your questions. A lot of it relies on faith in your relationship - if you have it, you'll have a better chance of success, and if not, a better chance of failure. For me that was the bigger question - not the change of environment, which doesn't faze me as much. You just have to do what's right for you and your relationship.