Grass is Greener Syndrome

So me and my wife are contemplating moving back to the states, I ended up becoming a U.S citizenship before we left the states for the UK two years ago and so immigration wise it will be no problem for us.

We've not been particularly enjoying our time here but that is in part due to your job situation, obviously the job market isn't great here, but since moving to the UK we both feel we've gone down a step in our respective careers and can't seem to get positions that are of equal salary/authority/responsibility as we were in the States.

And of course there is the other things we miss, home comforts etc. But that said, I remember we worked a lot longer hours, had much longer commutes and our jobs were more stressful.

Although we're heavily leaning towards moving back to the U.S next year, we realize that the grass always seems greener on the other side, I certainly didn't really recognise the UK and my home city I came back to after a absence of 5+ years and really regret that I didn't investigate the general living standards/salaries before we moved back here.

So all this said, for people who moved back and have been back for at least a few months, how have you found the re-adjustment? What thing's did you forget about the U.S that peeve you, and what do you miss from the U.K? But also what things do you love about being back in the states?

We came over because my husband (UKC) had a post doc offer so we knew at least one of us would be employed. However, I am having a TERRIBLE time finding work and we live in an area that is not as badly hit by the recession as some parts of the country.

While we are fortunate to have good health care through DH's job, it's a hassle to stay on top of. We are big fans of the NHS.

I prefer the conveniences of many things. I like that I can shop after 7 pm, I prefer the size of the house we can rent, I find the people to be a bit more friendly, the cost of food and household items is cheaper, etc.

BUT, we are absolutely broke. We are only barely making it on my husband's salary. And this is affecting everything. We can't buy a bed. We can't get our sons in preschool for the amount of days we want to. I can't buy new contact lenses. We did go on holiday but only through the generosity of family.

So, if you don't have jobs lined up, remember you won't have Job Seekers Allowance or any of the other things you might get in the UK.

I also find that friends and family have moved on. They've got older! This means some of my family are increasingly frail or bad-tempered. Or my friends have whole new circles of friends I don't know.

In short, it's not easy at all. We have to focus hard right now on the positives or we get bogged down in everything. It could be a lot, lot worse, we know this. But day to day, it's hard to remember that.

FWIW, I went through the same kinds of things in the UK. It's just part and parcel of a big move. I've been here since November and DH since March so it's still early days.

I am glad we made the move.  My DH has completed his first year of his post-doc and I found a job relatively easily in our town (very fortunate that it came up).  We are happy although we do miss things in the UK.   Pros for me are more space (much bigger apartment, a garden, etc), we can afford to have a car, higher salaries, better health care (our insurance pays for 100% of everything).  I feel people are friendlier (although this is the East coast and people have a lot of that British reserve too) and we are much closer to our family here.  I don't feel that I work much longer hours or have more stress here at my job.  More choice at stores, and yes, I love shopping any time of the day/night.  We have been able to save a fair amount of cash for a potential down payment on a house in the near future.  In general we have a much higher quality of life in the US.

The only big cons are that I miss my friends that I made in the UK.  It has been tough to make all new friends out here.  And I miss having all the amazing history and culture in London and Edinburgh.

One point: neither of us are UK citizens so we did not have any family in the UK to speak of.

BUT, we are absolutely broke. We are only barely making it on my husband's salary. And this is affecting everything. We can't buy a bed. We can't get our sons in preschool for the amount of days we want to. I can't buy new contact lenses. We did go on holiday but only through the generosity of family.

That's one thing we're pretty lucky on, my brother-in-law bought a new house last year which has a finish basement and is virtually a self contained apartment in itself, which we are welcome to stay in as long as needed rent-free (or until we all get fed up which each other!), so that at least takes the stress off finding an apartment without having a job etc.

We've found that our savings here are absolutely at a standstill, granted neither me and my wife are in the highest paid jobs ever, but we're hardly earning minimum wage either, but with council tax, utilities (Our electricity bill is Absurbly high compared to the US) and just general higher cost of living is making it not very likely we'd be able to afford a house here, unless we're interesed in a one bedroom shoebox in Chavsville.

I think what we're finding is that it feels like there is a slight bit of complacency here in the UK, and I am massively generalising here, but it almost seems like there are entry level jobs, 5+ experience jobs which only pay mildly more than the entry level ones, and then there are management jobs with not much inbetween, at least thats our annecdotal experiences.

What we're trying not to do though is assume the U.S is the answer to the problems, we realize we'll be working a lot more hours, have half the holiday that we have available here and healthcare will be expensive (although due to my local gp surgerys being generally crap here, I prefer the private system).

We've done the whole pro/con sheet and weighing things up, would prefer the negatives of the U.S than the U.K, which probably means expect a thread in a years time saying has anyone moved back from the U.K to the U.S to the U.K  :\\\'( (oh god I hope I'm joking!)

Interesting topic, although not one I necessarily want to focus on too much (as a UKC returning to the UK after 10 years in the States...) Nevertheless, I'll follow along with interest...

Ugh. This topic has dominated my life for the past 5 years after moving back to the US from the UK. And here I am, getting ready to move AGAIN back to the UK.

In my personal experience, I thought the the US would be the answer to my problems. I assumed there would be way more opportunities for my husband and me. Unfortunately, moving to the US didn't work out as I'd hoped.

So I've learned the VERY, VERY hard way that it doesn't really matter where you live. You've just got to make the most of your situation.  Good luck.

I feel very similar to Geeta. I am very happy we moved back. The benefits for me are:

Better standard of living of us
Our house is lovely and a very nice size at a reasonable price
We have friendly neighbors
My work environment is so much better (and it's the same company that I worked for in the UK)
I don't work longer hours or have any more stress than in my UK position
Friendly co-workers
Salary is so much higher than in the UK (bring more beans home per month)
I get 26 days vacation
Overall more career opportunities for me/husband
Better Healthcare
Friendliness in general (and we are on the East Coast)
Great shopping (hours, more choice and better prices)
Customer service in general
Sunshine...year round
The melting pot that is the US, I prefer the cultural personality of the US
Less traffic even though we live in a large city

Had to return to US after 20+ years in Leeds married to British citizen.  I'm an only child and both my parents were ill.  So saw them out -- longer than I thought it would be.  By which time I had a full-time job (which I'd never managed in UK), inherited the family home (mortgage free), had 2 cars, a cat and friends.  Also feel freer back in the USA to do my own thing.
But DH's health is now not good, so looks like I sell up and move back to the UK.  I think that will take more re-adjustment than the US move. 

Space, sunshine and family are the biggest pluses for me being back home (in Southern California), but it certainly was (and sometimes still is) a tough adjustment - the people I thought were my friends here aren't quite what I'd remembered, and I'm in a new area (I also inherited a family home, but never knew the area), and finding a full-time job has been extremely tough.

I have no regrets about moving back, but that doesn't mean I still don't miss loads from my life in the UK - the pub culture, being able to meet up in town for a fun afternoon or night out, socializing more with workmates... for me just getting out and about was much easier, whether it was on my own or meeting up with friends.  And overall, my relationships with friends were/are much tighter and stronger with the ones I made in England (English and American).

I would honestly say I had more trouble adjusting with the re-patriation than I did when I moved to England - I just fell right into it. 
I've tried to do that here, but maybe because this is where I grew up, I've had higher/more expectations and therefore been more disappointed.

Personally, I think I'd be happier living in different places for about 3 mos. at a time.  But, I'm on my own, so it would be much easier.

The grass is always definitely greener!

...it doesn't really matter where you live. You've just got to make the most of your situation.

THAT is the key!

So I've learned the VERY, VERY hard way that it doesn't really matter where you live. You've just got to make the most of your situation.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it hasn't mattered at all where I've lived, but it hasn't mattered as much or maybe in the ways that I thought it would.  I absolutely agree that it's better to make the most of your life where you are than spend all your time searching for the perfect scenario.  Although changing scenarios can be fun.

This is a quote from Robert Fulghum (who lived 37 places in 51 years) that I like.

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence.  No, not at all.  Fences have nothing to do with it.  The grass is greenest where it is watered.  When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."

We need to take a head count here.  Who's moving and when?? 

So I've learned the VERY, VERY hard way that it doesn't really matter where you live. You've just got to make the most of your situation. 

Given the above, I'm curious to hear why you are moving back to the UK, S?

This is a quote from Robert Fulghum (who lived 37 places in 51 years) that I like.

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence.  No, not at all.  Fences have nothing to do with it.  The grass is greenest where it is watered.  When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."

 

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence.  No, not at all.  Fences have nothing to do with it.  The grass is greenest where it is watered.  When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."

Very sage advice.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it hasn't mattered at all where I've lived, but it hasn't mattered as much or maybe in the ways that I thought it would.  I absolutely agree that it's better to make the most of your life where you are than spend all your time searching for the perfect scenario.  Although changing scenarios can be fun.

Yes, I think I need to modify what I said earlier about it not mattering where you live, and agree with what Tin has said above. 

Given the above, I'm curious to hear why you are moving back to the UK, S?

Because of the pubs, of course! 

No really, it's mostly a combination of a quality of life / financial thing for us. DH and I are in a unique situation, in that we're both self-employed. We happen to live in one of the most expensive areas in the US and don't have any of the benefits that a permanent employer would give (ie. health care, guaranteed salary, etc.). I've considered finding a full-time job here, but unfortunately in my field it's all government tedium, and I think I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. [and giving up all my freelance contacts certainly wouldn't be worth THAT!]

Plus, we've got a lot of support in the UK and most of my work is there, too. We've got a cute little cottage all ready for us to move into, in a stunning location. And add to that the fact that we've been in discussions about this forever - it's time to finally put our money where our mouth is! And finally, our plan has always been to get dual citizenship all around (DH got his US citizenship already).

Having said all that though, I am scared sh*tless about making this move. My main concern is for my two red-headed little boys! 

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence.  No, not at all.  Fences have nothing to do with it.  The grass is greenest where it is watered.  When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."

I really love this, Tin! Thanks for posting it.