Husbands Dragging His feet/My Emotional Rollercoaster

I have thought about this all day- whether I should post, email a friend, call my sister, etc.  I think I just want to vent here instead.

My husband originally said he wanted to move home by Christmas.  So, finally after careful deliberation over a year's time, we've finally begun the process of really doing it.  Somedays we are at a standstill.  He goes back and forth on whether to stay or leave.  We have talked about it till we're both blue in the face.  We put it on paper.  We made pros and cons lists.  Case closed, right?

I "dropped the bomb" about leaving to my parents (Those were my mom's words to my sister- 'drop the bomb').  I finally feel better after a week, and they are talking to me again.  Last night my hustband starts muttering, "I don't know what to do...what do you want to do..."   So here I am holding the ball.  I can't be the judge of what to do.  I have only made one visit since we've been married and have no clue!  I am clueless of what I am getting into.  Sure, let me decide to uproot and move with three kids 4500 miles away from (my) home. 

So I get my daily call from him this afternoon and I ask him how he felt about things today, etc.  And, by the way, have you managed to talk to so and so about the job?  I get this long pause.  BTW--We are saving up for my visa and need verification of this job for my entry into the country.  The answer was a no because I don't have any minutes on my phone....!#*&&%^^$%^$%^!!!!!  I want to pull my hair out.  If we are on a short timeline here coordinating things then we can't let something so vital as proving you can support your family fall by the wayside.  What about his friend that is holding a house for us- he's probably under more pressure than we are because his siblings want it sold.  COME ON!!!!  I'm glad he's thinking it over carefully but in the meanwhile time is ticking.  People are waiting.  It makes me wonder if he's just not that serious about moving home after all...

I half way want to laugh and cry at the same time.  One day I am upset that I will leave things I love and the next minute I'm happy to go to a new place.  Sometimes I worry about my oldest son adjusting and then I think that it could be the best thing for him.  I feel like I'm in limbo and like a big

I'm not faulting him on any of this. I know it's part of the process.  Still, I needed to vent a bit.  Anybody experience this kind of back and forth decision making for this long before their big move? 

Anybody experience this kind of back and forth decision making for this long before their big move? 

Yes, yes, and yes!! Back and forth for three years now!  It's a very hard thing to commit to doing. And even harder to go through the motions once you've made the decision.

Good luck! 

I've been back and forth for the past year.  We actually decided I was going to move over there, told all my family, started getting paperwork together...then changed our minds and decided he was coming here, told our families, started getting paperwork together...and here we are now...a year later...deciding I'm going to move over there, told all my family, started getting paperwork together...this time is for real though.  And yeah, I have my excited days that I can't wait to get over there and meet new people and eat fish and chips everyday...then I have my depressed days that I can't believe I won't just be able to drive 6 miles down the road to see my mom and steal some tomatoes off her plants for a salad.  I also felt like my hubby has been dragging his feet in getting things done on his end in England.  I'm sure it's not his fault, but with all the stress and my nerves shot all to hell, I had actually convinced myself that he was doing it on purpose so I couldn't get my visa because he didn't want me to come live there and he really wanted a divorce.  Yes, female hormones and emotions are crazy things...especially under this much pressure with very little support from friends or family.  That's when I took it upon myself to get everything done, even the stuff in the UK.  I would just call my hubby and say, "I've already notified the bank, just go pick up the statements", etc.  That of course, led to another argument about how I was being a "dictator" and telling him what to do all the time.  In which case I gladly offered to let him do all the legwork for the visa and do everything himself...in which case we'd still be waiting 7 years from now to live together...finally.  Anyway, I definitely feel your pain and I know how hard it can be on you, him...and the relationship.

I guess I'm more like your husband, in that if it had been up to me, I probably never would have gotten it all together to move over here. As it was, my husband was the one pushing me to get it together, and somehow (miraculously) it all got done in time.

I think it's hard if both members of a couple are vacillating about the move - it's easy to endlessly mull over your options and not do anything. Of course you don't want to just jump into an enormous life change like this, either, but it helps if at least one person is really motivated and can get (and keep) the ball moving.

Good luck... it's tough being in limbo. I hope you figure it out soon.