A bad day

I'm just having one of those days.

I'm just feeling utterly and completely useless. The laundry is washing and drying itself, the carpets have been hoovered, the child is sleeping, the husband is at work, and I'm sitting here: watching Hell's Kitchen USA on YouTube and scrolling through all the free downloads on iTunes.

I'm so ready to be working again. But, the cost of childcare and my husbands reluctance to have our daughter taken care of anyone other than him or myself, I am completely so not able to even find a job that would work around his schedule which changes not only from week to week but day to day. Frankly it's impossible.

I feel like I am doing the best thing for her by staying home with my daughter, and I know that in time I may be able to get back to a career again but I've been away from that environment for 2 years now and I'm not sure if I will ever be up to the standard of what I once was or even if I can cope with the work environment anymore. I try to keep my mind sharp by helping out here and when asked by friends to research something and that makes me feel really good, but even then it doesn't really mean anything or help me contribute to our household.

I really don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by posting this other than to get it out of my head so it will stop banging about in there and maybe then I can get rid of this feeling like I'm going to burst into tears any second now.

I am sorry I can't offer anything other my sympathy and understanding.

I am concerned that I will never get out of my admin job and if we do move back to the US who will hire someone who got her degree so long ago and has had no experience. 

But you are raising your child and making a good home for your family.  You will have so many skills that people will want to use along with your previous experience. 

Try to keep your chin up and if you have to watch a little more tv for me.   

Awwww, Webster!!!  Don't be too down. I can see how you must feel, and I am sure I would feel that way, too. It's hard to be at home all the time and keep yourself occupied. The little one does keep you busy, but you do need more mental stimulation. (Hell, I have a job and still have no mental stimulation, so sometimes it doesn't make much difference, anyway!  )

Maybe you should try doing a bit of local volunteer work, like on Saturday mornings or another time when your DH can watch the little un. I volunteered for my local newspaper when I first moved - it was a great way to meet a few locals and see what was going on in our village, plus they taught me to use Quark Express and a few other new software programs. Maybe you could just learn something new - like playing guitar, knitting, baking, web design, painting or drawing, or learn another language just to keep your skills sharp and/or to keep your hands busy and make you feel productive. Maybe you could get into photography - you could take your daughter with you and take some photos, then geek out on photoshop while she naps and make some crazy compositions or just have fun with it. You could try writing a children's book or think of other ways to eventually work from home! (Web design might be a good thing to learn for this, too!)

If all else fails, buy the Sims 3 for your PC. Once you get going, you will totally lose track of time and someone will have to drag you away!  (or at least, that happens to me on occasion!)

Big hugs from me!

My sympathy as well.  You CAN go back, if you end deciding that is your goal.   Is there any way you can work from home in the mean-time? What is your area of expertise? Could you help tutor or be a mentor in some way? Those sorts of jobs may be easier to schedule.

Just from the point of view of someone who has benefited from your advice countless times, you DO have a job--holding everyone here's hands when we panic!  Have you ever looked at the "micro" jobs? I believe they have a system where someone says "I will pay 20$ to have someone research X" and then you sign up to do it.  That might help keep you occupied!

I know what you mean, though, sometimes it is toughest in the middle of the day.

Have you ever looked at the "micro" jobs? I believe they have a system where someone says "I will pay 20$ to have someone research X" and then you sign up to do it.  That might help keep you occupied!

Try PeoplePerHour.com - I scored a great remote admin 'job' this way that lasted for 2 years

You could try writing a children's book or think of other ways to eventually work from home! (Web design might be a good thing to learn for this, too!)

These were exactly my thoughts when I read the OP - the first thought was how about trying to work from home and the second was how about taking up a hobby such as writing. I like to write fiction in my spare time (I'd love to become a novelist - before I ended up down the science route, I wanted to either be a journalist or a writer) but with a full-time job, there just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish as much as I'd like to. If I had more time to spend at home, writing is how I would spend it .

If all else fails, buy the Sims 3 for your PC

I like the way Jewlz thinks!  I was going to suggest. It may or may not be up your alley, but I know plenty of stay at home parents who find solace in online gaming, like World of Warcraft.  Again, may not be your cup of tea, but £10 a month equates to endless hours of sheer entertainment if it is...

At any rate, hugs to you Weby, sorry to hear you are feeling down!   

I can certainly identify!  I don't work because daycare in the US is ridiculously expensive.  With my three who are 8, 3, and 6 mo, I would be paying anywhere from $1,300-1,500/ month plus fuel, insurance, taxes.  There's nothing left!  Five years ago I was a major contributor to the household, and the first few years  I felt lousy about being home.  In fact, I had a major breakdown on my 35th birthday because I felt middle age had sunk in and I had little to show.  Besides restruant service and retail service in college I only had 7 years on-the-job experience.  On the up side I did make it into management and tbh I rather hire a mom who had been away from work for 5 years than hire a young man whose just out of school with computer skills and no experience.  So don't worry about being able to make it back into the workforce.  It may be entry level but with a mind like yours, you'll be able to prove yourself in no time!

There are days I cry and feel like I am a vegetable intellectually.  You obviously have superior intelligence so consider yourself a major contributor here in that respect.  If it's monetary contributions you're worried about, have you considered establishing a store on eBay?  I did that for years.  It's time consuming and volume is key, but it made me feel like I was giving something tangible to my family other than a clean house and clean laundry (Which no one appreciates anyway, but they sure notice when it's not done- right?!?!). 

@Everyone - thank you for all your kind words and suggestions. I try to keep a happy face and 'stick to business' here and not let how I'm feeling affect me or come through in my posts...and I know my husband is just tired of hearing it from me and it makes him feel badly as well because there's not much he can do about it either. So it's just easier for me to try and 'get on with it' rather than bring him down too.

My main experience work is in Government and Public Benefits Administration & Recovery. I spent nearly 10 years in that field before leaving for the UK. Before that I had done general office & convenience retail while putting myself through Uni. I have a double Bachelors (Liberal Studies & Theology - strange combo I know, why I did it I have no idea) and an Associates as well. I've worked since I was 14 when I started my own Document Prep Service (made pretty good money for a Freshman in High School too!). Now that I've hit the 2 year mark of not working and my daughter nearing 16 months old it's just that when I came to the UK 2 yeas ago, this is not how I envisioned my life.

@julie.bug - My 35th birthday is coming up next month and I really think that it might be part of this whole issue I'm having. I just want you to know that in no way do I think myself as superior to anyone on this board, in fact I KNOW that if I left today and never posted again my shoes would EASILY be filled by someone else.

@Navie - I do some gaming not really seriously though. I've maxed out on a few facebook gaming app's and honestly after a while I do find it boring (just how many fields can I harvest on Farm Town without going nutty anyway). I've never tried WoW or any role playing games and wouldn't even know where to begin. But thanks for the tip.

@Aless - thanks for the website, I'll have a mosey through it when my daughter goes to bed tonight.

@ksand24 & Jewlz - I'm not really the creative type to be a writer. Given a topic I can do a pretty damn good research paper though  .

@bookgrl - tell me what program and I'll watch it for you and send you a synopsis each episode 

@Jennie - thank you that makes me feel good to know I've done some good hanging about as much as I do.

Again, Thanks everyone for just letting me vent. I still feel like crying but maybe I just need to let it out and get it over with before my husband gets home from work. 

I know how you must feel -- when I first went to UK the only job I could get was as a bookshop assistant (I have an MLS) and it wasn't until my youngest was 10 before I got even a part-time non-professional job in a library.  I was sooo bored and isolated.  I contemplated getting another master's (too difficult on top of childcare), doing a course in weaving at a college in another city (too far to fit in easily with school runs) and loads of other stuff but nothing panned out.  Once both kids were at school I did do a number of adult ed. classes -- mostly art.  I had also gotten active in NCT, joined the Parents Association at their school, and did a lot with Leeds Youth Opera (sewing costumes, making props, keeping order (hah!) backstage, etc.)  I also tried to "educate" the kids in American history and geography.  I sewed and knitted and gardened.  Once a week I had a morning hitting the shops and maybe lunch...
But, looking back, I am so glad I had that time with DD and DS.

Awww...wish I could help Weby...my sister is a stay-at-home mom, pregnant with her second child now...and she hates to work and loves being at home...but she has her days too.  Just keep in mind that even though you're not out working and bringing in money, you have a very important job!!  Sounds like you're doing exceptionally well at it!

 

Just from the point of view of someone who has benefited from your advice countless times, you DO have a job--holding everyone here's hands when we panic! 

I totally agree!

The days of staying home raising your children passes all too fast.  Even though it may seem to drag while you are actually going through it, believe me, one day you will be past it and you will be filling your time with so many other things.  You have so much time left at 35 to not only raise your children but to start over again in the working world.  You will look back on these days with longing and wish you could do it all over again.  Oh, if only mine were young again.  Enjoy it while you can.   

Isn't it great how many people will respond to you in your grief?  What nice people are here.  I certainly have appreciated all the help you've given to me.  I don't think you're replaceable here. I, for one, tend to worry and read too much into things, and I like that you give clear, concise responses with links to websites. It's awesome!

Chin up. Tomorrow's another day!

PS.  You didn't read my response wrong, did you?  I said you do have a superior intellect (which you do) and you should consider yourself a major contributor.  See?  There I go again reading things into it...LOL

Hope you have a wonderful evening, WebyJ! 

This is the hardest job I've ever done.