Trust, and KNOWING that you are the one. Help!?

Yes, I agree with most everyone else...I'd find it very difficult to be comfortable with deleting my Facebook account (which I enjoyed having) only to make my partner happy.  That seems wrong on so many levels.

I'm curious how old you both are.

I am 29 and he is 37...so yes we should both be adults.  He hasnt asked for my passwords, and I wouldnt give them.  It does make me sorta upset that he wotn trust me on Facebook...he is a friend on there so he sees everything i do...so if i really wanted to be secretive would I let him see everyone i add?

I guess I am a little scared he will leave me as well.  I dunno....my account is deactivated, but I think all I need to do is log back in with my old account and password.

I am 29 and he is 37...so yes we should both be adults.  He hasnt asked for my passwords, and I wouldnt give them.  It does make me sorta upset that he wotn trust me on Facebook...he is a friend on there so he sees everything i do...so if i really wanted to be secretive would I let him see everyone i add?

I guess I am a little scared he will leave me as well.  I dunno....my account is deactivated, but I think all I need to do is log back in with my old account and password.

So does he get to keep his facebook account even though you had to delete yours?  I really think you need to address this issue now before the relationship goes any further.  His attempts to control you seem to me more than just insecurity, but a potential sign of future abusive behavior. 

I told him he should delete his account as well if we are both going to find this damaging to our relationship. 

When he started getting angry as to why i added this guy, I told him because I thought we were in a stable strong enough relationhsip u knew it wouldnt be anything.  I also said I didnt even bat an eye at something so insiginificant as to who i was adding to a stupid site.

But I guess there are people out there who have ended up ruining relationships over something that stupid.

I hope to discuss things with him further tonight.

About Facebook.

One of the characteristics of an abusive relationship is that the abuser isolates the abused person from their friends and/or family, so that when, eventually, things get really bad, they don't have anyone to turn to (or think that they don't.)

I would be very wary of being in a relationship with someone who told me who I could or couldn't be friends with, whether on Facebook or in the flesh.

For the record, DH and I are Facebook friends, but we only share a few friends in common, the vast majority of our friends are either all mine or all his.  And we each have both male and female friends. We don't have each other's passwords.

I don't have much to add, other than I agree with the advice already given - especially the bit about someone attempting to dictate to you who you can and cannot be friends with.

I hope things go well with you, and be safe!

Hmmm....
Well, my DH was pretty insecure when we were doing the LDR, as well. He didn't really care so much about MySpace or Facebook, but he was worried about me meeting someone else. I think that comes with the territory a bit, as LDR can be so hard, and people worry about that "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Of course, it would always be easier to meet someone else in your local area, and I think it's only natural to be a bit concerned about that. We did have a few conflicts here and there during the LDR due to those sorts of feelings. However, now that I am here, it's fine. Obviously it all worked out for the best and neither of us is insecure anymore. I don't blame you for deleting your FB account, to be honest. It sounds as if you truly love this person and would be willing to do whatever it takes to make him feel better about things and keep those insecurities to a minimum. But be careful. You need to watch out for controlling and manipulative behaviour. LDR relationships can make people a bit crazy for sure, but you also don't want to end up with someone who wants to alienate you from your friends and family. Believe me, once you move over here, that Facebook account may become more important to you, as all those friends and family will be so far away then. Perhaps you should explain that to him? I understand rushing home to speak to him, and I certainly did the same and spent long hours on Skype. I don't regret that, but I do wish I had spent more time with my family and friends during the time I had with them before I moved here. It's really hard to reassure someone who is feeling insecure, but you will just have to do your best. Remind him of all you do to show him how much you love him and care about him. He can't really ask for more than that.

The web and the whole LDR format gives controlling socially inadequate abusive types the means to identify and isolate their victims.

I know we are focusing on you deleting your facebook account (which go get back) but there is MORE to this...
You said you spend every waking hour running home and all weekend online and it sounds as if he isnt talking to to you on your gazzlion emails or skype then he isnt trusting you...

I see a bigger picture - sit back and reall look at this.  You said your ex was controlling and you sold his ring to buy a ticket and get a visa to come here for this guy?

I am not trying to be mean but I see red flashers here.  I am sure there is love between you too and a small bit of jealousy happens to th ebest of us. Heck I don't share passwords with DH but if he asked I would give them to him as if I asked him he would give me his but I trust therefor don't need them.

Panic attack or not you need your ownlife at 29!!! WOW you should be out with friends no matter where you live.  He should be out with his mates as well.

I do hope it works out but I think a big sit is needed on this as I will be thinking about ya

I am going to agree with JennBean here.

When I was in my LDR, I spoke to my fiance via webcam every morning. I did not spend every free waking moment of my life talking to him.

Regarding fears that you are going to abandon him - DH has terrible fears of abandoment, for good reason. His father and stepfather both abandoned him. When he was 17, DH's mum left him and his younger brother living by themselves in York while she went to "find herself" in London. DH's ex-wife also left him.

So, quite naturally, DH has a semi-unconscious fear that I am going to leave him.

But he has never tried to control me or dictate who I can be friends with, even exes. Because he knows that if I were truly unhappy, that wouldn't stop me from leaving, and that I am with him because I love him, not because I feel guilty or sorry for him, or that I think I wouldn't be able to find anyone else.

I also agree about the importance of Facebook and  similar means of staying in contact with people over the internet when you move to a new country.  When you move over here you are going to be physically isolating yourself from your old support system.  It can be hard to make new friends due to cultural differences or just the fact that people find it harder to make new friends as you get older. (DH is 40 and most of his friends are people who met at school  or in college.) There are a lot of posts here from people who moved to the UK and are having trouble making friends here- I'm not saying that you will have trouble making friends, but there will probably be an adjustment period where the only people you can turn to other than your fiance/husband are people you know from back home.

ETA:

OK, I missed this the first time.

 "you sold his ring to buy a ticket and get a visa to come here for this guy?"

I am assuming you sold the ring because you didn't have enough of your own money to buy the ticket and pay for the visa, and therefore don't have much in the way of savings.

Which means that once you move over here, you are going to be financially dependent on someone who is already controlling.

Remember you can't work on a fiance visa, so if you don't have your own savings, you will have to depend on someone else to pay for your food and the roof over your head. Something for your fiance to make you feel guilty about or - in a worst case scenario - threaten you with.

Definite RED FLAG.

Yes it is controlling, and I think Im going to wait until all his insecure feelings blow over to address this.  He doesnt want to be controlling, and I know this....but mayeb he doesnt see that he is becoming controlling.  I will bring this up to him eventually..not too far down the road but yes sometime.

I am thinking of starting up my facebook again, and I have to admit Im a little nervous about bringing that up.  I am slowly peppering in the conversation that it is completely harmless.  He did say that he never told me to deactivate it, but that might be one of those hidden wishes...say one thing mean another.  I dunno.

Yes when I come over I realize I will be dependent for a little while, but not totally as I am working now and will have saved some before i go in September.  As far as not working, I will be able to as I am a dual citizen, so will be able to start work immediately.  So thats a plus!

I love him madly, but have a tiny bit of resentment for him making me feel like facebook is bad.  I hate that. I beleive that a little resentment can snowball into a bigger feeling more and more.  I think thats what happened to my ex, and after telling him how my ex was controlling he always said he didnt want to be like that...but he is but in a more round about way. 
Sigh

Why do you need a visa if you are a dual citizen?

I dont need a visa to go to the UK.  He wants to try and get a fiance visa here first, then if that fails (need my dad to cosponsor..he might he might not) then I will move the UK.

Its looking like I am moving there.  I would say there is a 90% chance LOL.

I have to say my husband was a bit overly sensitive about things like me talking to men online when we were in our LDR.  We played an online game where I sometimes had to talk to other players.  Many people around me felt his reactions were controlling, but once I moved to the UK, he mellowed out.  That said, I am not saying that your fiance's reaction is something not to be concerned about.  What I am saying is that LDRs can add stressors that are not present in face to face relationships.  You may or may not have reason to be concerned.

However, before I was married to him, I'd make sure I didn't have reason to be concerned if I were you.  In this case, it may be a trial time period together in the same country before marriage.

Just my thoughts.

Thank you for the advice!

Yes we have lived together in the same house for 7 months straight, and didnt have any issues of controlling at all.  He was mellow and we had a great relationship, and honestly I never really keep guy friends so to speak, and never really went out with anyone but him or at least him with me.

I think you might be right in that being away from each other can add stressors. 

But yes he was nowhere near controlling like my ex hubbie. OMG.