on the verge of tears here

i don't want this post to turn into some huge sob story, but i have to get this off of my chest to someone, to anyone willing to read it.  i'm sitting here on the verge of tears because i'm afraid.  i'm afraid of my mom, my rock, not taking care of herself properly when i leave because she's so sad and heartbroken.  she tells me that i have to get out in the world and live my own life, and she's right; but why am i so afraid?  just a few days ago i was so sure, so confident, about everything.  i've been looking forward to getting married and then having my son and myself join my husband over in the uk this upcoming summer.  now, i don't know what to do.  i don't want to be so scared of every little thing going wrong with the visas or my mom giving up all hope of everything.  i don't want to be so afraid of actually living my own life because i don't want to hurt the people around me.  my friends are being supportive of this whole thing, as is my son's father, and my fiancee's family thus far.  i have yet to explain the whole situation to my 6 year old so he understands that we're going to live somewhere else and he's not super sad about leaving.    i've put a lot more thought into this than i have most anything else in my life thus far and it feels right to the heart and the head.  so why do i feel so guilty and so awful about everything?  i love my fiancee dearly and i know he's definitely the man i want to marry.  i know this move will be good for my son, especially since it's been hell over the past year with him and the school district.  he has pretty severe ADD and hasn't had much socialization, and they want me to medicate him right away rather than looking at any alternatives.   i've been fighting with them since he started school because they are isolating him and treating him like he's aggressive and a problem child.  i'm told that where we'll be moving has a big support circle for children with ADD/ADHD and won't push me to medicate him before trying every other option to work with him.  i've tried explaining this to my mom, but she doesn't seem to want to listen.   now i know there have been tons of posts on how to cope with family not really approving or being thrilled with the idea of the expat leaving for the uk.  i've read through a lot of them already; and i know i've made a rant post before this, but i need some encouragement here please.

is there a way that i can help my mom cope with the reality of us leaving and not feel guilty as hell about leaving or wanting to leave in the first place?  is there an easier way to deal with my fears?  please, any encouragement will help.  i'm so stressed out already and i can't even do anything about the visas or move yet!

Hi,
What you are feeling is completely reasonable, this is a huge change and it makes sense to worry about how it will affect the people around you.  However, your mum is an adult and I am sure she will be fine. You know why you are moving, you are doing what you feel is best for you and your son, that is all that matters.

What you can do is focus some of the energy on making plans on how you are going to keep in touch with your mum. Also how you are going to keep her in your sons life-- that is often the hardest part for our mums, the distance of their precious grandchildren.

Think about web cams, think about videotaping some 'normal, everday experiences' of your sons to share with your mum. Plan trips for her to come to come visit etc.

Do you have a specific reason for thinking your mum will not take care of herself when you leave, does she have a history of something like this?

Do you have a specific reason for thinking your mum will not take care of herself when you leave, does she have a history of something like this?

my son and i moved out once for 6 months under very different circumstances.  mom and i got into a huge fight, we left, and i ended up having to call an ambulance for her.  though we've moved past that and i've apologized countless times, i feel like she probably resents me a little for that incident.  on top of everything, she's been complaining of not feeling well lately, and i don't mean like she has a cold or something.  she says she feels like something's wrong with her but she won't go see a doctor due to our current financial situation.  so i'm dreading the thought of leaving more than celebrating it because i don't want my mom to give up on herself.   also, i've tried telling her that i'll buy her a webcam, set it up, and show her how to use it on skype so we can talk and see each other everyday.  she just says "it's not the same", which she's right about, but it's gotta' be better than nothing at all.  i just wish she could see that.

It's natural for your mother to feel sad that you're leaving the nest. She can't control the situation, but she can control how she reacts to it. If for some reason she cannot control how she reacts, then she needs to seek medical advice. None of that is your fault. Not at all.

I think it's pretty normal to feel guilty about it. But again, you can control your reactions and not anyone else's. When you feel overwhelmed, just step back and look at your priorities and how you can accomplish the most important goals. Your main priority is of course to your son, and it sounds like you've been working very hard to make sure he is moving into a situation that will have loads of opportunities for him and support for both of you. You're improving his life. Focus on that. You can do it.

It's natural for your mother to feel sad that you're leaving the nest. She can't control the situation, but she can control how she reacts to it. If for some reason she cannot control how she reacts, then she needs to seek medical advice. None of that is your fault. Not at all.

I think it's pretty normal to feel guilty about it. But again, you can control your reactions and not anyone else's. When you feel overwhelmed, just step back and look at your priorities and how you can accomplish the most important goals. Your main priority is of course to your son, and it sounds like you've been working very hard to make sure he is moving into a situation that will have loads of opportunities for him and support for both of you. You're improving his life. Focus on that. You can do it.

thank you.  just thank you, thank you, thank you.

My mother found these really neat recordable books at Hallmark.  As my daughter turns each page, light hits the sensors and you can hear Grammy read her the story.  She absolutely loves them!  There's even enough space for adding brief personal messages.

http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/GCS_GIFTS_RECORDABLEBOOK

My mother found these really neat recordable books at Hallmark.  As my daughter turns each page, light hits the sensors and you can hear Grammy read her the story.  She absolutely loves them!  There's even enough space for adding brief personal messages.

http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/GCS_GIFTS_RECORDABLEBOOK

thank you!  my son loves books and i'll definitely have to look into these for my mom.  i'm sure we could use it in a reversed way.  like, having my son record it and send them to my mom.  it may help

They say they're good for kids to record and send to parents on deployment so I'm sure it would work for sending to your mother.  I think there was one about Grandma on the list.