Births in Both Countries: My experience with hating, then loving, the NHS.

 I get what your saying- Though I hope you don't let a lot of "What if's" no matter how relevant, cloud your decision to have a baby. Being a parent is the best thing I ever did, even with the unknowns.   When I was having my first son, during labor his heart rate was dropping below 80 and wasn't coming up very well.  The dr's didn't tell me what was happening, they just rushed in 10 more staff, pushed my family out of the way and delivered my son with the vacuum. It was only afterwards did anyone mention the danger.  I wish the US doctors had been more open and honest with me like the UK doctors were. I work in the hospitals in the US and i know the doctors and nurses sometimes take a "Don't ask, Don't tell" approach.  They try not to worry patients unnecessary, but they compromise informed consent when they play down the seriousness of a problem.  Just my opinion at least.   

What a lovely post Marlespo!   

The idea of ending up in hospital for weeks on end, away from not only my own family, but my husband, and with him not even able to spend more than a couple hours when he did visit, just completely unnerves me.  Between that, and the risk of miscarriage and complications, it's made me seriously doubt even trying to have a child.

Hi there, Just to say, that my hospital offered private rooms for a price and a rather high price at that. I laboured in my hospital's birth centre until complications arose and I had to be transferred to the ward. Even though I gave birth in the ward, the midwives at the birth centre allowed me to come back and they let partners stay overnight and visiting hours were open....but I realise not everyone wants to give birth in a birth centre and some people can't.

Just to say, I don't know how your particular hospital is set up but private rooms MAY be on offer even if you've had a complicated birth although, as I said, they don't come cheap and whether or not they're available when you give birth is a matter of chance.

I completely agree. I would have been a wreck if my partner couldn't have stayed with me. For one thing, I needed help with the baby because of my tear/stitches.

This is one of my biggest worries, honestly.

Assuming we decide to have a child, and assuming I'm able to (which are two fairly big assumptions), I'll almost certainly be in the high-risk category.  The only maternity unit within strictly driving distance is a midwife-only unit.  They aren't even equipped for epidurals, let alone c-sections or other emergency care.  If everything went without complication, I'd still need to be in Stornoway, which is a good 4 hours away by car & ferry.  If things really went wrong, I'd have to be flown to Inverness or Glasgow. 

The idea of ending up in hospital for weeks on end, away from not only my own family, but my husband, and with him not even able to spend more than a couple hours when he did visit, just completely unnerves me.  Between that, and the risk of miscarriage and complications, it's made me seriously doubt even trying to have a child. 

I'm very happy for everyone who's had positive birth experiences with the NHS, and I'm not worried about NHS care for any other issues, but in this particular case, I think I'd feel a lot better if I were in the U.S.

I'm not sure what your medical issues are that would make you be high-risk but I know the UK is much more slack about issues like that...they gently encourage more natural births and try not to classify you as high-risk unnecessarily.

I know in some cases (a friend of mine who was pregnant and had complications throughout and was far from a 'proper' hospital), they will allow you to have an elective c-section or schedule an induction date(which may be necessary anyway, depending on what type of issues you have).  This way you're able to plan things a little better when it comes to hours of driving and organizing hotel rooms and all that.

Also, don't let the visiting hours scare you too much.  The visiting hours at our hospital were 8am-9pm for partners and 3 hours per day for everyone else.  They weren't very strict at enforcing this...especially right after the baby was born (they allowed you several hours to be with your family regardless of the time).  I also know some women who were allowed to have private rooms and their family could stay.  Some women are even able to go home the same day they give birth (I wish I had been able to!).  The MWs check on you every hour and help out if you need anything (I even had one walk me to the bathroom while another sat with the baby).  It all varies from hospital to hospital.

At my local NHS Hospital you had the option of a private room for £55 per day. DH and I seriously considered it since I was to be there for 5 days (c-section that had to be moved up 2 weeks and his paternity leave didn't start until the end of that week so I had to stay in hospital), but we couldn't afford it at the time.

The nights without my husband, trying to care for my preemie size DD (she was only 5lbs 5oz at birth) and deal with a section were really tough and emotional...But, there were 2 particular midwives that were there that were totally awesome and realized that I was not only going through motherhood shock for the firstime but a massive dose of homesickness and culture shock too as I had only been back in the UK for just over a month before the birth. I really credit the staff with getting us through those first few days as none of my husbands family (and one even worked in the hospital where we were) ever visited us and my family was 6,000 miles away.

aawwww, I want to give you a hug. I have had 3 experiences with births on the NHS, one was my (now 5 year old son) I had a long, drawn out induction, which was followed by a beautiful v-birth. As long as it was, the midwives were all wonderful. absolutely wonderful.

My second was have a late miscarriage at 19 weeks, again, I was treated with the utmost of compassion and loveliness. And the third was a C-section with Imogen, who was born in March this year. I had to wait all day, but the actual operation and everything following was lovely. And, I loved being in a ward with other women, we laughed, had a great time, and I see one of my ward mates weekly...she is my friend now!

One of my best life experiences was leaving the hospital after my miscarriage, giving the midwife a HUGE hug and saying to her, I will be back next year holding a brand new beautiful baby. When I went in to have Immi in March (two weeks short of a year after losing my baby) the same midwife was there, and she checked me in, and let me tell you...she filled up when she saw me and hugged me. Thats what makes the NHS worth it...the compassion and belief that people who work in the system have. Sure, lots of people have lost that loving feeling...but lots still have it!

Thanks for this post!

I hated that my husband couldn't stay the night because having two tiny babies who don't sleep at the same time was hell on earth but I had the help of some amazing midwives who took both babies off my hands for a few hours at a time so I could catch up on sleep. And I saw that I wasn't the only one who was getting a rest. They were cradling babies up and down the hallway all night long.

They really are there to make sure you're coping and able to take care of your baby. They will give you the support you need when your partner isn't there.

One of my best life experiences was leaving the hospital after my miscarriage, giving the midwife a HUGE hug and saying to her, I will be back next year holding a brand new beautiful baby. When I went in to have Immi in March (two weeks short of a year after losing my baby) the same midwife was there, and she checked me in, and let me tell you...she filled up when she saw me and hugged me. Thats what makes the NHS worth it...the compassion and belief that people who work in the system have. Sure, lots of people have lost that loving feeling...but lots still have it!

Aww, that's made me tear right up!

You're so right about compassion. I mentioned above the lovely midwives who helped at night but my favorite was a lady who worked in the twins clinic and who I saw every visit. She knew I was being induced and when she heard that I had the babies she arranged to work the next day so that she could take care of me. She spent hours with me, helping me with the girls and teaching me how to do things, like bathing them. My experience so far had been lovely but she made it a thousand times better and I'm really thankful for her.

I'm not sure what your medical issues are that would make you be high-risk but I know the UK is much more slack about issues like that...they gently encourage more natural births and try not to classify you as high-risk unnecessarily.

This, frankly, is another part that worries me.  I saw what happened to my sister, who had undiagnosed lupus.  She had all the pre-natal visits and scans and everything that they do here in the U.S., and still, because her particular doctor wasn't taking her seriously, we nearly lost both her and my nephew.  He was delivered 3 months early, and though he's healthy now, his first year was pretty rough.

Knowing the possible complications that can arise with my medical history, I don't feel like I can take a laid-back approach.  And while I know a lot of it comes down to being your own advocate, in either system, being an outsider in an extremely small town, I'm conscious of not wanting to alienate the medical staff by being seen as difficult.

No birth centers anywhere near where I'll be, I'm afraid.   I'm not even sure there are any in Scotland.  And the chances of a private room being available, even assuming we can afford it, is quite slim.

A planned c-section would probably be the way to go, but even then, I don't relish the idea of having so little support in caring for the baby directly after.  While I can understand that hotel-quality food & surroundings aren't necessary or affordable for a national system, I think that expecting women who've had major surgery to be up and about and lifting an infant within a few hours, with no help from family or partner, is unreasonable.  And I don't think that men would be put in a similar situation.  But that's probably a whole other debate.

Hi Woadgrrl,

Knowing the possible complications that can arise with my medical history, I don't feel like I can take a laid-back approach.  And while I know a lot of it comes down to being your own advocate, in either system, being an outsider in an extremely small town, I'm conscious of not wanting to alienate the medical staff by being seen as difficult.

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, it's difficult to convince you to go ahead but I will say that all births are risky to some extent. I was terrified to give birth but for me and many other women, the rewards outweigh the risk. Several women in my NCT group had what was classified as high-risk pregnancies. All of them gave birth to healthy, beautiful babies. On the other hand, there are women who are perfectly healthy who have issues with the birth and afterwards that was completely unforeseen. I guess what I'm saying is, no matter you circumstances, Mother Nature plays an ultimate hand in the outcome.

I live in London so I realise I have access to much more in the way of medical services than you do. In the end, it's your decision if it's worth it but maybe you should discuss this with your GP if you haven't already. He/she may know exactly what options are available to you and then you'd have a very good idea of what you're up against. I certainly hope that if you do want a baby, your situation doesn't keep you from having that wish fulfilled.

Not sure this helps you at all woadgirl as I don't know the exact procedures for the islands-because afterall it's quite different in those remote areas - and I know they have to do completely differnet procedures and helicopters are involved, etc

I don't have first hand experience, but I have had several friends up here in the highlands who have had high risk preganancies and they've had excellent care- excellent help from their midwifes (and consultants) whenever they've needed it- and I have two friends pregnant now with complex pregnancies and they've been looked over with a fine tooth comb for every little thing...

One friend with a birth was in the hospital for over a week leading up to her birth and her hubby was allowed to stay pretty much the whole time- then for everything after the birth as well- for about a week- and she said he was pretty much about the whole time as well-

It would certainly be worth your while to talk with your GP's surgery/practice nurses, and of course, most of all, local women - for their experience   

I had my son in London and am currently pregnant in the US. I was not crazy overall about my experience with the NHS, but I loved the fact it was more natural and midwifery led, and have sought that out here. All my friends here are horrified I am not giving birth in the newer, more updated, hotel like hospital, but rather in the one that allows water births, but my feeling is that anything is better than a ward with 3 other women so I don't care what the room looks like Also the fact my husband can stay is a HUGE bonus for me.

At my hospital in London we could pay for a private room, and I would have in a heartbeat, but they actually gave priority to women who had complicated births or c-sections, so they wouldn't even let me pay for one.

Knowing the possible complications that can arise with my medical history, I don't feel like I can take a laid-back approach.  And while I know a lot of it comes down to being your own advocate, in either system, being an outsider in an extremely small town, I'm conscious of not wanting to alienate the medical staff by being seen as difficult.

I had 3 previous miscarriages so I was extremely paranoid about every little thing.  My MW saw me 3 weeks early and referred me for 2 early scans (one at 6 weeks and one at 9) for reassurance.  I was consider high risk from the beginning so I was put under consultant care (where you go see a doctor instead of being under the midwife).  When my blood pressure went up at 20 weeks, I was put on biweekly monitoring (until the end of pregnancy) and saw my consultant at least once every month.  I was admitted into the hospital on two separate occasions for observation because they didn't like what they saw during the monitoring.  I also had an ultrasound every month to check growth due to preeclampsia and also previous small baby.  My consultant was very overly-cautious and I even had to self-discharge from the hospital on one occasion when they tried to keep me overnight for observation.

Most of those dramatics were due to me being freaked out from the very beginning.  I was reassured and calm by the end of the pregnancy and just found it all annoying but I guess I asked for it by being such a worry wart in the beginning.  At the end of the day I have to say better safe than sorry.

Just wanted to show that the more relaxed attitude doesn't mean they aren't going to take extra care when necessary.  I was probably just overly-paranoid based on my medical history, but they took me very seriously and even pushed it to over-kill.  I mean seriously...visiting the hospital a minimum of twice per week for 20 weeks?!

I can definitely understand not wanting to be alone after having a c-section.  I've never had one but I can't even begin to imagine how tough that must be on the body and you do need to stay in for a few days afterwards.  It wasn't much of an issue for me personally because my birth was so smooth and I only had to stay so they could perform the hearing test the next morning. 

I do remember how annoying I found it in the US that everyone I knew wanted to come see me in the hospital.  I just wanted to rest but I felt like I needed to be entertaining guests and playing pass the baby when I just wanted to snuggle up with her to myself.  On that end of things, I was glad for the limited visiting hours and no overnight guests.

I'm so glad you shared your story, Marlespo, and started this thread.  I am an Ob/Gyn in the US, on sabbatical for this year, and very curious about the difference in medical care between the US and the NHS.  I am so frustrated with how broken the US system is, in terms of the finances of the whole thing, and have often wished we had an NHS like system in the US in theory, but haven't experienced it first hand.  Reading everyone's birth experiences has given me a little of the "flavor" of the NHS.  Keep them coming!

I also wanted to say how horrible it must be for woman in the US to have traumatic miscarriages and to continue to receive bills for them. I was grateful not to have to pay any bills, no nasty little reminders in the post.

Yes, the bills for the miscarriages were just so awful psychologically.

Personally, I preferred the very limited visiting hours and not having my husband there overnight. Mainly because I needed sleep. Also because it meant I didn't have to deal with anyone ELSE'S husband's either! With Philip, I hated being in the ward. I don't know exactly what changed in that respect, but by the time I had george I loved being in the ward. My husband stayed home with the two older boys anyway, but I loved that alone time in the very, very beginning with my little one - just him and me meeting each other in a new way - and only have a few hours here and there in which I had to deal with visitors. Plus it made me enjoy the visitors more.