Making life normal

Dresden,

Sorry I'm a bit late in replying, but regardless.  My husband and I acutally met in person through a mutual friend in Barcelona.  I think we saw each other a few times and at that point nothing much happened.  It was very platonic.  (About the only thing I said is gee.. what a nice funny guy... nerdy though....)

I can identify with the internet thing though because we spent the next two years apart.  We basically wrote lettters at first (he did not have email) and then sent a few small packages which then turned into phone calls and eventually emails.  We fell in love before really even being able to spend a lot of time together in person.  

So in reality not to far away from meeting someone online.  

As for same sex issues and immigration I would only be able to offer some of the same sites Badger noted.  I know it can be done though...

I wish you and  your partner the best of luck.

Pamela

Thank you so much for all of your stores and for the help that you all have given me. I am looking at all of the info i can and trying to make what i can of it.


Again thank all for your help..
Dresden.

:'( Wow and wow....kcg ..I'm speechless!

The whole twin towers thing still really has an impact on me and I can't imagine what that whole experience must have been like.  Too many people forget to fast at how life can be yanked from us in an instant.  We need so much to hold onto the good and those times with loved ones.

Thank you for sharing such a moving and wonderful story!  It always helps to have someone put life's hard moments into perspective.  

(I hope that your move to the UK goes well.  We are actually doing the same thing.)

Yes i have to say WOW also..  That was a very touching story and i will hold it close to me when i run into hard times and dead ends in this road to being with my partner.

Thank you for sharing that great store.

Dresden

Kcg,  what a great story...  not the devastating parts of course...  but, the closeness you two recovered and learned from that day of mundane trivialities we allow ourselves to get angry about.  

I know I learned a lot from that day...  it may not show it all the time while Tom and I go through our anguish of being apart... but, I appreciate our love and I know I will never let a day slip by where he does not know or feel that love.

thank you for sharing your story Kcg

shel

I wish you two the best of luck in your move KCG. Where in the UK will you be moving?

I am going though a tough battle with myself at this moment...  I am moving out of my house and selling all of my treasured furnishings...  I know in my heart that they are just things and that where I will be going in the future is well worth it...  but it is hard when you look at something that you struggled so hard to acquire and then without a second thought; say goodbye to it.  Plus, I said goodbye to my best companion and friend a few weeks back when I sent my dog to go live with the ex.  

I can not figure out how I am feeling during this time...  but after 3 years of spending time on the computer with Tom, visiting and waiting anxiously to be together for good...I think a part of me is scardy cat.  Once I give up this house next week and move into my sisters...  I feel I will loose myself and my independance until such time that Tom and I can be married... I will also have to give up my truck before to long and that is like a total loss of independance...  shows how spoiled we are at the simple luxuries we take for granted.

has anyone else felt this way before getting married and moving far away?  How did you get through it?  At this time Tom and I have very little time together on computer due to work schedules...  which has been making me feel completely alone while going through this move... and, insecurities seem to be forming with me now and then...  driving me nuts.

shel

Yes, you may call me shel...  and thank you for your words...

Northern Ireland eh?  I look forward to visiting Ireland one day after I am settled.  We live in northern England... the east coastal area of Northumberland...  

Boy have I ever felt that way, Shel!  Still do and I'm married.  I think anytime you just pick up and move or change in a way that you are facing unknowns you get nervous.

I know we want to move to the UK now so that we can have the quality of life we want (dislike of suburbia, long commutes to work, lack of sidewalks, lack of time, lack of walking areas, lack of a “local”, and the drive to super-size everything) ... but it still makes me think… what if…what if…then it’s like KCG says it's all about perspective.  (As I sit here I have a pic of the towers and my husband and I at a Yankees game in my mouse pad....keeps me in focus...and let's me know how fleeting life is in the grand scheme of things..far too short to spend it with what if's and negativity ruling life)

All I can say is take a deep breath and vision!  (Hey works with weight loss-should work here too!)  

I'm not sure if you have ever moved to a totally new place before or not.. and it is hard to tell you how it will be.  Each person is different.  

When my husband and I were deciding where to live and get married and all of that we decided to come to the USA.  Not because I wanted to, but because we were thinking of where we might have a better life.  

I know that had I gone there it would have been easier.  From the ages of 2 to 12 and then 14 to 16 I lived in Europe and then Korea….so I am used to picking up and going.  When I got older I went to live in Spain and came back to finish school for the summer and never went back.   My roommate sent some things…pictures and the like… but most of my stuff just stayed.  It was hard, but taught me that material goods don’t matter.  What matters is doing what in your heart is the best for you at that time (the future will take care of itself) and what is true to your heart.  

When my husband came over we had a tough time.  He really went through culture shock, marriage shock, lawn mowing shock and mother-in-law from hell shock.   The first year of our marriage was hard in many ways, but we survived and have found the original passion again.  

I think that you and Tom have an ideal situation in that you have had a chance to develop a friendship as well as love.  Having the friendship will help you when things go wacky.  

Sorry to hear about the dog…Could you not have taken him?


I know you can beat down those demons of insecurities!  (Have you seen the poem WHATIF by Shel Silverstein?)  I’d post it, but I am not sure if the copyright police would get me…he’s a children’s poet…anyway…it’s cute and kind talks about the whatif’s in life and how they do a merry dance in our heads…

Sorry for the long post... bit of a stream of conscious peep I am..

PS (Ya'll need to visit down south one day...I'll be in Devon/Cornwall to start!)

Won't even get into the dysfunctional part with my family...When Leah was talking about a wife support board I thought.....how about I'm sick of my mom, mother-in-law one?  Mine seems to think it's her duty to make my life hell (only child here) and  absolutely hates my husband...poor guy has put up with her crap for two years...anyway..thank God for Dads! I am in the same boat..not moving due to family but for many other reasons...and hey if it does not work out there's Spain.  Besides, one thing I have learned is that problems follow you no matter where you go. So it is good to have other reasons for wanting to move.

One good thing is that you might be able to fly your niece over during school breaks so she gets the great opportunity to see the UK.  That with maybe an inexpensive webcam and you are in business.  Not quite the same, but you can just be the cool Auntie who lives over the ocean. I work with kids everday and I can tell you that it is the attitude of the adults around them that has the greatest impact on how they perceive things.  Many parents that come to us have too many issues themselves to be able to help the kids.

As for the one finger thing...tee hee...makes you love New York.   At least getting used to small homes won't be too  bad....friend in Queens had one of those railroad (way?) apts.  that went straight back in a line and cost around 900 a month.  OUCH!

By the way jsut read your post to a co-worker -had us tearing up again!

Pamela

 

That's truly an amazing tale KCG and no doubt is a lesson for us all in how important it is to get things into perspective. Long distance relationships are difficult at the best of times and it is so easy to get into the trivia of life when the really important things to remember are the love and support such relationships need. Many of us here on this site share the same feelings and are going through the same situations and it is so helpful to hear how others cope and manage to establish their own 'relief valves' When it comes to LDR, we Uk and Yanks are quite inventive and as everyone states, we have the advantage of knowing that if we can survive lengthy periods apart then we have established very sound building blocks for our future lives together.
I think the comments about friends and family giving warnings and cautions is so right too. I'm sure they do mean well but we all need constructive support, not negatives when we are already feeling low and vulnerable to all those seeds of doubt and insecurity.

Sharing our difficulties is what this board 'Enduring the distance' is all about. It's about helping each other and giving support where we can, sharing our experiences. Why ? hopefully because we care for each other as people and know that we are all facing difficult periods and decisions in our lives.

Northern Ireland is a beautiful place. Many years ago I toured around on a motorbike. The West coast is particularly good and I loved the Giants Causeway Everyone we met was so friendly and helpful (we were camping) allowing us to stay on their property and even moving cows out the fields so we could pitch our tents, then inviting us in the house in the morning to share breakfast with them - so many wonderfully generous people.
Now Devon, I've never been there. Nearest I got was Bournemouth when I was hiking along the Pilgrims Way. I know the traffic can be horrendous during the holiday periods, a bit like the Lake District up here - I half expect to see signs like 'Devon (or Lake District) closed today - parking full' - lol - however, we would love to spend some time there on a holiday and see some of the beautiful coastland scenery, even take Michele hiking.

Phoenix

Hi Phoenix,

Wow someone else that meet there partner on the internet. I thought i was the only one. I feel a little weird saying that i have meet my love on the internet. We no that we want to be together but we are both women and to do that we just cant get married and man i wish it were that easy and all of the site that i have been to really dont give any information. Thanks Phoenix for answering my question.

Take Care
Dresden  

I do know how you feel Dresden, but I think you'll find that a good portion of the married folks here met on the Internet.  It's only been within the last 6 months or so that I have begun feeling less squeamish about telling people I met my husband on the Internet.  I think that's because all of the reactions I have received have been really positive.  In fact, most gush about neat they think that is.  lol  

Phoenix....Ahhh...Devon....lots of cows... We actually had our "blessing" in Devon and reception in Cornwall on the coast..sigh...it was even sunny!

We met a nice couple in Bath once from the Lake District....and have seen pictures...looks like the kind of place to be inspired to write poetry or jaunt through the trees. Must be a nice place to live/be moving too.

kcj -Rent is the same in Atlanta....to live in a walkable decent area with places you can actually get to is about $1050 for a one bedroom.....ARG!

Wish my mom were like yours.. small doses would be nice...she has sworn to never speak to mine.   Though she's the one that has been mean, nasty and all around horrible.  (I have to keep reigning myself in on the topic or will go off in a tizzy which will require years of psychological help!)

But it is important to be moving for the right reasons like you said.  When are you all planning on going?  

I keep coming back to this topic because I think that enduring the distance also becomes a problem when you leave family behind as well as wen you have LDDS.  Leaving people you love (whether they be sweet innocent children or difficult moms) is hard.

I know that when I lived in Spain I missed my parents a lot. You also lose some of that intimacy that you once had.   I think the hardest realization came when a major event happend to me and I had not told my family until a few days later.  

You also tend to really test the binds of friendship with others... anyway just some thoughts...

I do know how you feel Dresden, but I think you'll find that a good portion of the married folks here met on the Internet.  It's only been within the last 6 months or so that I have begun feeling less squeamish about telling people I met my husband on the Internet.  I think that's because all of the reactions I have received have been really positive.  In fact, most gush about neat they think that is.  lol  

I'm the exact opposite. We don't tell anyone here that we met online. Only because HE is embarassed and doesn't want his friends to know and blah blah blah. So we go off on this stupid lie that we met in Vietnam (it's kinda true, he was living in Vietnam when we "met"). Makes me feel bad when I tell the story, because of course everyone wants to know it but I stick to it. Not only because of Jon but because a few times I've had people ask me: "Where did you meet? Not on the internet, right?"  They say it like it's a bad thing. So I just keep my mouth shut.

I'm the exact opposite. We don't tell anyone here that we met online. Only because HE is embarassed and doesn't want his friends to know and blah blah blah. So we go off on this stupid lie that we met in Vietnam (it's kinda true, he was living in Vietnam when we "met"). Makes me feel bad when I tell the story, because of course everyone wants to know it but I stick to it. Not only because of Jon but because a few times I've had people ask me: "Where did you meet? Not on the internet, right?"  They say it like it's a bad thing. So I just keep my mouth shut.

I have to say i have not really told anyone but my family about how i feel for this woman. Its not that ppl dont no im a lesbian but its the hole thing of meeting on the internet. My friends no that i talk to her and have gone to see her but they dont really think that there is anything going on with her. Hell they thought it was weird that i went to go see her, so im not sure how they will feel if i tell them that im in love with her. I really want to share it with my friends because i am so happy and there is so many things i want to tell them, but i dont. So she is all i talk about when im with my family and they just sit there and laugh at me..

This whole 'meeting on the Internet' thing may have just as many failures as success stories, but it's the juicy gossip we most hear about. Those not having been online find it hard to understand. And I confess to having a bit of a giggle years ago over hearing that two people met through want ads.

Those of us who have actually experienced it will see some high-highs and low-lows from it. Oh yes, I have my own horror stories of having met people online and come away with an experience I never ever want to have happen again. But, then on the other hand...

When it does go well, it goes better than anyone could have possibly imagined. How else do you find out about someone down to their soul without the preconditioned prejudice of their physical attributes?

Well, yes, this can pose a problem, because if you vowed you would never date someone with blue eyes ever ever, and it turns out the Internet love of your life suddenly (after you have fallen in love and there's no going back) showed up sporting blue eyes? Well, you make a compromise. You shrug and say 'well, I can deal with this'. And then, months/years later, you either do deal with it, or you don't.

I would not have met the love of my life if it had not been for the Internet. We didn't actually have this fantastic online courtship...our meeting was more a byproduct of us both being in the same Internet group getting together. However, not a day goes by that I wonder where he'd been all my life. He was the one I dreamt about as a teen, wondering where my life would be in 10-20-30 years. The other ones, the men in my past, I met in a more 'normal' way. Definitely did not know their heart and soul before I made committments. If only I had.

You will find Internet relationships to be a lot more mainstream than they were 10 years ago. Hehe, trust me on this. As more and more people get online, the understanding level grows. You won't be seen as an oddity, but rather a pioneer.

Frankly, I'd rather have found my mate online than in a bar...or want ads