Love from a long distance is hard... how do you manage?

Hi All,

Im a brit but my girlfriend lives in San Diego (5360 miles) away
So we met online and we speak on skype everynight and it was all perfect we was just dying to be able to hug each other and just wake up next to each other...
so i get a flight over to san diego and it was amazing i couldnt believe my luck to have the most beautiful and gorgeous girl and to be able to call her my girlfriend

so now im back it has become even harder its probably down to missing what you've had but im counting down the days till she has her visit over here.

so how do all you guys cope with LDR's?
How do you deal with the airports (because there killer)
and any other help as we are great together but i just want to know how others deal with it...

Thanks

The Brit 

hey. I am in a LDR as well, Detroit to Oxford. Its hard, what LDR isn't. we have been long distance for a year and only see each other every 3 months because of flight costs and work. We have been trying to figure out how to close the distance for a while but I always avoided the talk because I knew it would be complicated. I finally decided it was getting too hard and that we needed to have the talk. So we did and now we are looking at options and its very stressful but we are going to make it work. My suggestion is that if you know you want to be together then don't avoid the talk. Have the talk and decide your options as soon as you can because it is going to take a while to make those options reality.

Here a long distance forum I've been on. It helps more with LDR but UK Yankee is way better for visa stuff and is obviously more specific for UK/US relationships.

http://members.lovingfromadistance.com/forum.php

Hope this helps!

Hi there! I've been in an LDR for almost 2 years now. It's very hard, especially when you're broke, like my bf and I are. I have to admit sometimes I feel I can't handle it anymore, but I tell myself things won't always remain like this. Like the poster above said, talking about the future definitely helps ease the hardships of LDR's. Having a plan in place, planning future trips, and constant communication makes an LDR a little easier to cope. Wishing you the best of luck!

Hi fellow Brit

Awww sending a big Brit hug to you!! Like others here I can totally relate.

It is hard... me and my chap from Minnesota had a few years of LDR. Daily webcam and emails for years and hoping back and forth wasn't easy but in a funny way I did get used to it.

 But the worst I found was just after visiting him and landing back home. It would take a good couple of weeks (or month!) to re-adjust to the 'virtual' relationship of emails and webcam and the sometimes 'dying for a hug but can't have one' stage. That said we would both re-adjust and I did get used to it. I found after having done it a couple of times I had a 'virtual' and 'physical' switch in me brain! Once home it would take a couple of weeks before the transition to 'virtual' relationship was fully made but it did help me. Maybe a strange way to look at it though! (It's OK don't worry, I am not mad.. )

But then the next visit would come up and the whole cycle would be repeated. It never really seemed to get better - the physical pain of missing my hubster when I got home (or he went back to the US). But we managed to get married in April this year and now he is here on the spouse visa. I didn't think even this time last year we would be where we are but it has been so worth it.

Airports! Oh my god...they are a killer ain't they!! I have spent a few hours crying in the departure lounges of Minneapolis (x2), JFK (the worst), Newark, Chicago and Atlanta.....I have even on occasion got my notebook out and written some pretty sad and depressing lines     But then after I had visited by about the 3rd time, I was becoming more secure in our relationship and knew I would be seeing him again so the airport tears became a little less intense and I started to focus more on eating...

Anyway, I waffle. My advice would be constant communication, trust and honesty. I think that is vital - we communicated daily, no matter where we were or what we were doing we somehow managed it. Also, both parties have to be on the same page in regards to the relationship and where it's going.... And as for aiports, no real advice there as I ended up people watching whilst eating.....

Good luck chuck!

We took pics of our everyday happenings and funny things we found, that way we made each other feel like we were together. I ditto the above posts as well, I almost miss planning trips when we were going to see each other again. Made life feel like I always had something exciting going on... I wouldn't trade having him all the time now though!  Trust me- all the waiting is worth it!  

Hello Brit!  I'm sure you will find a lot of people here who can sympathize with your situation!  I think LDRs are one of the toughest things to cope with, but like others have said steady communication really helps.  Before I moved over to England, my now husband and I skyped about 1-2 a week (that's about all our work would allow), but we made sure to e-mail each other every day without fail.  That way if either of us had a bad day, we could count on having message to come home to.

The airport is tricky, I was so bad with it when my SO came to visit and it came time for him to leave, we decided it would be best if I just dropped him off at the airport and left.  Otherwise we would just be standing around there crying with not much else to do (plus as soon as he went through security I wouldn't be able to stay with him anymore).  So that's what I ended up doing, it really sucked and I sobbed all the way home, not sure if there is a better way to approach it.

Thanks everyone great help with tips and tricks


rosiebee i was just wondering about your husbands visa is that how quick is was because we're worrying when it comes to ours because we have heard loads of things like it takes months etc...

We did the LDR thing for over ten years. We didn't mean to, but...jobs, houses, families...we ran into some unexpected snags. During that period, the technology for keeping in touch got better and better (my phone bills in the early days! Oy!).

One of the best things we used to do was open a Skype connection in the evening and just leave it open. It's free, right? So I could hear him moving around and making cups of tea and we could chat -- or sit in companionable silence -- for hours at a time while we surfed the web or...whatever. It made our odd home life seem almost normal.

Good speakers, good microphones and set them up so you don't get feedback. Worth every penny.

Hi Brit,
We skint ourselves even more and paid the extra $300 for the settlement priority fee. This means you get a decision quicker - I think it says withing 15 days. Hubby sent all the documents off on the Monday (after biometrics), we had a decision by Thursday and he had his visa and passport in his hand by the Friday.

It was only a matter of days waiting, but those few days waiting for a decision were 'argggh!' so for me it was worth paying extra. I really don't know how people manage having every day of 'arggggh' for weeks..

Hi Brit,
We skint ourselves even more and paid the extra $300 for the settlement priority fee. This means you get a decision quicker - I think it says withing 15 days. Hubby sent all the documents off on the Monday (after biometrics), we had a decision by Thursday and he had his visa and passport in his hand by the Friday.

It was only a matter of days waiting, but those few days waiting for a decision were 'argggh!' so for me it was worth paying extra. I really don't know how people manage having every day of 'arggggh' for weeks but I know money is a major factor in these things, it can be such an expensive thing wanting to be with the person you love

Hi All,

I think what makes the LDR so much harder is the slimy guys that are still in her life what i mean by that is guys that are obbessed, want to get in her underwear or have a past with her..... now i trust her with all of my heart but being 5360 miles away and seeing some of the things they write and hear some of the things they say just hurts and to be honest actually makes me insecure..... as most of them dont like the fact that we're together and make that fact very clear

now i know it cant only be me that has been through this situation but even if you havent could anyone give me advice on what they would do because some days its great but then others when you find out she has gone for lunch with one of them and he was basically asking questions and saying but he didnt do as much for you as i have and making up names then it starts to hurt....

she doesnt seem to see the problem with it either which is probably because she likes to make everyone happy but by making others happy is making me upset but she seems to think im overeacting

so once again any advice would be great
thanks guys

Brit, you should have some faith in her especially because she tells you everything they've said to her and that they went out for lunch. If she's telling you these things it means she's not sneaking off behind your back and doing things that would hurt you. She loves you and that's why she's going all this way to be with you. Right now she just might be lonely and hanging out with them but the horrible things you imagine in your head are not what she's actually up to.

If it bothers you that much though you really need to tell her that you feel insecure and all these other emotions. You can come to a compromise but don't just make her stop seeing her friends, that would be selfish.

I hope people don't come down on you too hard, Brit-in-love.  My husband had a bit of the jealous/possessive thing going on at points during our LDR, but it disappeared once I was settled here.

GG is right.  Don't try to come down on her too hard (it might eventually tempt her to be less honest with you), and don't try to prevent her from seeing her friends.  It's not wrong that you feel upset or jealous.  You just have to decide how to view it and handle it.  It's a part of being in an LDR, but provided she is being honest and faithful, you have to make sure you don't hurt your relationship trying to protect it.

I hope people don't come down on you too hard, Brit-in-love.  My husband had a bit of the jealous/possessive thing going on at points during our LDR, but it disappeared once I was settled here.

GG is right.  Don't try to come down on her too hard (it might eventually tempt her to be less honest with you), and don't try to prevent her from seeing her friends.  It's not wrong that you feel upset or jealous.  You just have to decide how to view it and handle it.  It's a part of being in an LDR, but provided she is being honest and faithful, you have to make sure you don't hurt your relationship trying to protect it.

This is perfect advice. I think we have all felt jealousy at different levels during relationships. When the distance is there it is even more difficult, but it does truly come down to trust. Also make sure you are keeping yourself busy at home and going out with friends etc. , it is ten times worse if she is out to lunch with someone and you are just sat at home thinking about her.

HG is right about keeping yourself busy, it can be hard, but one thing I realised when we were in the LDR was the need to do this.

You have to keep one eye on the future and making plans for this but also remain firmly in the present and learn to live your day to day life here in the UK - work, friends, etc... I found this very hard for at least a year! My life revolved around the internet and staring at my inbox, waiting for emails. After a time, and as I became more confident in our relationship and trusting, I began to look outwards a bit more...started to go out more, took up photography and did things for myself.

As I said, it isn't easy (especially if you are thinking what the other half is up to a lot of the time), but the key is definitely to try and live each day as it comes and balancing this with your relationship over seas and the future to come

I have to say it did get a little easier with the passing of time and as I became more secure in our relationship - trust me I also had the 'wonder what he is up to' moments driving me mad - but it did get easier over time.