Very depressed over family members' (non)actions

My husband and I were married October 29th - 7 weeks ago. My parents could not attend the wedding, which I completely understood (they take care of my sick 90 year old Grandmom).  They called the night before to wish us well, and called us the evening after the wedding to congratulate us. They were really happy for us.

What I cannot understand is the fact that they never even sent us a wedding card. My parents go to a lot of weddings (locally) and give around $300 for wedding gifts, even to friend's children.  And I, their first born daughter, don't even get a card?

My parents *adore* Nick. They talk to him often. They were very impressed with him from day one. They tell the rest of the family and their friends what a wonderful man I've met/married, and how happy I am in England.

At first I thought the card was just late. A few weeks ago, my Mom said, "Oh, don't think we forgot about your wedding. We've just been really busy."  But still, no card.

To add insult to injury, we received a Christmas card from them today. Just a generic boxed one. Nothing inside. No signature. I had to laugh, but it is really upsetting to me.

In fact, the ONLY person from my very large family to send us a card was my 85 year old great-aunt.  Even among my 6 close friends, only two sent us a card. C'mon, I'm in England, not Mars. They can't fork out an extra $2.00 for postage???

I guess I'm just going to have to 'get over it', but it felt good to get it off my chest.

I just realized I put the apostrophe in the wrong place in my thread title. Even more depressed now.  

When I got married to my ex-husband in Vegas I didn't receieve a card or present from any of my relatives, including my own mother. I was a bit resentful of that in the beginning but kind of realised that it really didn't matter in the end. As long as you are happy that's what should count. Material goods shoudln't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I an 64 years old and have been married for 19 years (yup, 2nd time around for us). My parents do like my husband and there have never been 'issues'.

We had spent the last 11 years in the US, but my parents got really narked when I told them we were going back to the UK. I found out afterward that they changed their will - I'm not cut out, but my brother gets essentially everything. I can only assume this was because I have done something of which they disapprove....at MY age! Well, so be it.

What I am trying to say is, don't take it personally. Sometimes it seems like a bit of punishment, sometimes control when we *kids* aren't accorded the same respect as near-strangers. Try to laugh, and let it go, hard as it is to do. I tell my self that my parents do love me, but just have a funny way of showing it.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I an 64 years old and have been married for 19 years (yup, 2nd time around for us). My parents do like my husband and there have never been 'issues'.

We had spent the last 11 years in the US, but my parents got really narked when I told them we were going back to the UK. I found out afterward that they changed their will - I'm not cut out, but my brother gets essentially everything. I can only assume this was because I have done something of which they disapprove....at MY age! Well, so be it.

What I am trying to say is, don't take it personally. Sometimes it seems like a bit of punishment, sometimes control when we *kids* aren't accorded the same respect as near-strangers. Try to laugh, and let it go, hard as it is to do. I tell my self that my parents do love me, but just have a funny way of showing it.

Vadio, words of wisdom here.  On my first marriage, at age 35 my parents did not give me a card or any kind of gift.  They could well-afford it, but with my dad, money / affection = approval.  He did not approve and so I got no gift, no affection.  My mom is under my dad's control, so what he says / does is what goes.  They didn't even stick around to be in the wedding photos.

I was heartbroken and still am sad about that day.  (Eventually my dad did give us $, and while he didn't apologize, I know it was his way of saying he was sorry and that he loved me.  But he still didn't approve...)

So, it's not about the money, of course.  The money is just a symbol, the card is as well.  Fallgal, at least you know your parents approve and love  your hubby, so that's the most important thing.

I think it's thoughtless of them not to give you a card, but not necessarily a snub.  For other people's weddings, they have to abide by protocol and so they are motivated to get the card out on time.  But with you, it's perhaps less of an immediate concern to them. 

I also think that having a small wedding (although not sure if you did) can change things a bit.  With big weddings, people get more caught up in the occasion. 

I am sorry that you are going through this. I do not know what to say other than the fact that I would be PO'd and certainly not have handled this situation with the grace and tact that you have. Best of luck!

Sorry that u have to deal with this. It is Su hard to know
What they could be thinking.  Maybe they r sad deep down that u mOved away and had the wedding in the uk. When I first moved here I know my family upset me cuz they didn't send me a birthday card. It really hurt at the time I remember I took down all my family photos around the house cuz I was so hurt.  It's 9 years later and they. Are sending cards. I think they found it hard to accept my move.  Hugs to u. Hope u feel better soon

Thank you all for your responses.  I have been mulling over the reasons given why they might have "snubbed" me. I can't say that any ring true if you knew my parents, but still, I felt better for getting it off my chest, and for the kind and sympathetic replies. Sometimes that is all one needs.

I will try too, to smile and be happy despite sending my parents a large package for Christmas and them not even telling me it came. (I found out from my sister that it arrived).

I mean, what the hell.........

Anyhoo, I managed, despite being broke, to get my new hubby lots of little Christmas surprises. We also got in lots of nice food and wine. Perhaps a bit of overindulgence at Christmas will make everything all better.

Thanks again everyone for your understanding.

Do u have kids yet?  We have our first now and I have struggled with family's lack of support
The distance seems so far at times even after living Here for so long. I look at things a bit different now as a mom. Or mum. Ha ha. I can imagine it would be hard for me if my daughter moved 3000 miles away. Even just not seeing each other at least once a week would be hard. Hope u have a nice Xmas. !!!

No. I am 44 years old. Kids weren't in the cards for me.

I lived 1100 miles away from my family for 11 years prior to moving to England, so I'd think they'd be used to the distance.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas as well.

In fact, the ONLY person from my very large family to send us a card was my 85 year old great-aunt.  Even among my 6 close friends, only two sent us a card. C'mon, I'm in England, not Mars. They can't fork out an extra $2.00 for postage???

I guess I'm just going to have to 'get over it', but it felt good to get it off my chest.

I hear you.. My aunts (who share a house together) have never, ever sent me a card while living here. Apparently, even though they both work full time and earn almost $100K between them, they cant afford $3 in total to even send me a generic card. Though my grandparents- in their 90s+, who live off basic social security and medicare (and LOADS of health problems) send me a card every year regardless where in this world Ive lived AND always include a check for $15.. :/

Its crap and frustrating. I always send cards on Christmas and their birthdays, just to prove Im the better person... Its frustrating and heartbreak for me, and Im not even that close to my family cant imagine how its like for you.

*hugs*

I just realized I put the apostrophe in the wrong place in my thread title. Even more depressed now.  

Fixed it for you - I think that's where its supposed to be? I'm an Engineer, so grammar doesn't always sink in for me 

Kerri,
Thanks for understanding. I read over these posts a few days after Christmas as well, while I was stewing over my brothers not sending a card, not calling and not evening replying to my emails.

It's crap, is what it is, you're right. I'll just work on getting over it, I guess!

Phatbeetle,
Thank you!