What to do about horrible neighbour?

We live in a large building of flats and the guy from the flat oppsite us is constantly harassing us. He comes to knock on our door every night to talk to us and "give us advice" or flat out tell us what to do. For example, he knocked at 9pm (we go to bed at that time) to tell us that we're not active enough in the fire drill test that is held every week for the whole building. Basically we've all been given letters that say there will be a fire drill alarm every tuesday at such and such time. The letter didn't say we need to go outside when it goes off and stand there until it's safe to go in but he is telling us that's what we need to do. Then today, he told us not to park our car in the car park at certain places because we have a little car and it doesn't give the bigger cars enough room. Now our car park is a first come, first park type of thing. We don't pick the biggest spot, we pick an available bay and that's where we park. So we had enough of him telling us what to do and my husband yelled at him today so hopefully he'll leave us alone. But in the case that he doesn't stop this, is there anywhere I can call to get him to leave us alone? I've tried the agency and they said they'd talk to him but I'm not sure if they did.

He's really strange and stalkerish sometimes when I'm walking out of the building, he watches me. Also when I lock my door, it makes a loud lock turning noise and he almost always comes out to talk to me and it's really starting to creep me out because it literally feels like he's listening for when we're coming out. At first I thought it was a conicidence but now it's been over 20 times. One time he did that when we were leaving the house at 2am!

I know this isn't a police matter but I really need it to stop. It's making me uncomfortable of ever going outside by myself especially.

Any suggestions of what I should do? Btw, he's not a building manager or anything, just a tenant but he thinks he owns this place. He calls the communal garden his garden and he always refers to the whole building as his even though we're all under the same agency. We are all also renting the flats, nobody actually owns theirs.

Ugh I'm just so pissed off, no matter where we move to, it seems like something always has to go wrong. We're quiet people and like to keep to ourselves so I get really angry when someone invades our privacy all the time.

Thanks for reading this long rant

That is really creepy, GibbyGab!

I've only lived with my parent's house, a college dorm and now my fiance's house, so I've never been in that situation, but is this a matter you could discuss with someone who owns the building? I certainly wouldn't recommend discussing it with him on your own as he seems like a strange man.

Hope you can resolve this soon!

I would document his behaviour and put in a written formal complaint to the agency straight away. He sounds like he has some mental issues and is not to be taken lightly.

Have you spoken with any of the other tenants about him? Does he do this to other people?

What a horrible situation!

I don't have any personal experience as I've only lived in an apartment for 3 years while in my early 20's, but I know many family and friends that have related similar experiences. It seems there's always one nutcase in the building that tries to tell everyone what to do, makes his/her own rules, tries to befriend the new tenants to get them on his/her side, tries to get others in trouble, acts like they own the whole building and generally makes a nuisance of him/herself!

I think you need to take a firm stand with this guy. Try to enter/leave your apartment quickly. If he catches you, say, "I'm sorry. I'm late for an appointment", and keep walking. If you can't get away from him easily, tell him you're not interested in whatever he is saying, or thank him curtly for the info and keep walking. I think you just have to cut him off and keep moving. Maybe then he'll move onto bugging someone else!

I know this isn't a police matter but I really need it to stop. It's making me uncomfortable of ever going outside by myself especially.

I think you're missing the point; if this man is making you so uncomfortable that you don't want to leave your home alone, then it is, most certainly, a police matter.

So I would recommend proceeding as you would in any other stalker/harassment situation.  You've made a good step by reporting it to the estate agency, and hopefully it goes no further.  But in case it does, you should make a log of every contact you've had with him in the past, and if he bothers you again, report him to the police. 

Making someone uncomfortable is not a crime, is it?
I dont think the police would be interested in this unless the guy has threatened them or broken the law in some way.

Sorry this is happening to you GG.

Sounds like a lonely weirdo. Once they latch on to you they are hard to shake off. It explains why people like the suburbs.

I would think your husband telling him off would fix it, but if not he might try having a man-to-man talk with him (damned awkward). If will at least give you an idea if he is a garden variety busybody or a serious concern. 

thanks for the support everyone.

Plainpearl, Yep I've discussed it with the agency and yesterday called the landlord. I also grassed him up on things he shouldn't be doing like plugging his own appliances into the building's electricity supply in the hallways. Hopefully they'll be quicker to act knowing it costs them more money! I've also noticed today that he has nothing else plugged in so maybe they did indeed talk to him?

Courtney, Yeah I have spoken to other tenants and they hate him too it turns out. But when I explained to them how much he bothers me and tries to talk to us, they said it's not half as bad for them  .

Fallgal, yes I will be doing just that. It's funny though when I say "I need to go, I'm late for uni" or similar, he continues talking  even as I'm walking away. It's not like "ok bye", it's more like "oh and I noticed the postman the other day...." 

Yeah he hasn't threatened us or anything but his body language is so weird and he seems very off like he can snap at any minute and then be really nice in about 30 seconds. For example, after this argument dh and him had, today he saw us in the morning and just said "hiyaaaaa" really happily and loudly. Ugh, a few weeks ago he told us he was moving elsewhere and I was so happy. But he's changed his mind now because apparently this place is the best. Even though I think it's a perfect typical student crap hole, cheap and sh*tty. He's in his early 40's I'd say so I have no idea why he lives here. He's not a student. He doesn't need a degree as he says, he's already sooo intelligent 

I have noticed that after the argument though, when he knows my husband is coming home from work he goes into his flat and doesn't make a peep not even like on his mobile (he used to talk so loudly I could hear his whole conversation in my flat!). I just hope he stops all his crap now. I'm too stressed with finishing all my work in 4 weeks to be dealing with this.

That is a horrible feeling to think that you have to look out before you leave, just in case he is out there.  We had a run in with one of our neighbours that decided to give my wife "advise" about my son, I calmly asked her to leave us alone and she just kept talking, at the end I just said "Judy, you are insane" I then went to the police and talked to them, I asked them if they could possibly go over and just have a conversation about how I would not like to talk to her.
They did it, and it has been strained and weird, but it worked, she just acts like we don’t exist, which is what we wanted in the first place.
By the way, her and her husband’s first words to us when we moved it was not hello, not how are you, not nice to meet you.  It was "don't let your dog s#$% in my yard".  Kind of knew it was going to be weird ride from that point on.

That is a horrible feeling to think that you have to look out before you leave, just in case he is out there.  We had a run in with one of our neighbours that decided to give my wife "advise" about my son, I calmly asked her to leave us alone and she just kept talking, at the end I just said "Judy, you are insane" I then went to the police and talked to them, I asked them if they could possibly go over and just have a conversation about how I would not like to talk to her.
They did it, and it has been strained and weird, but it worked, she just acts like we don’t exist, which is what we wanted in the first place.
By the way, her and her husband’s first words to us when we moved it was not hello, not how are you, not nice to meet you.  It was "don't let your dog s#$% in my yard".  Kind of knew it was going to be weird ride from that point on.

I might give the police a try then. If it worked for you, hopefully it'll work for me. That's awful about her giving your wife advice, how rude! This guy was really nice to begin with. Far too chatty but overall we thought he'd be harmless. I wish I knew how annoying he was before we moved to the flat right next to his. We had the option of a different one in the building  .

Hi gibbygab,

As per previous posts, what an absolute terrible situation...

Do try some of the things suggested and see how things pan out, but from what you are saying, the guy does sound weird at best and mentally problematic at worst.

If it turns out he's actually not the above and is just 'like that' then I think by having the police talk to him like the above example might be required.

There could be other ways..   nah, won't mention those..

I do hope things work out for you though..

Cheers, DtM, West London & Slough UK!

Thanks Dennis.

Thankfully our lease is up in September so not much longer to go now at worst case if nothing improves. We're moving far away from Bradford since we both hate this place so very much!

Hi

Bradford..  I used to (sort of) study there at the University back in 92-94!

You've just put some 'flashbacks' through my mind of the place, some fantastic experiences (all legal thank you very much!) and some downright horrible ones (not directly concerning myself though!)

I know everywhere has it's fair share of potential nutcases, but if I 'just' look at the various things I saw in Bradford which were negative (and which I firmly kept myself away/out of) I can see how you'd have someone like you have bothering you.

Good luck again .. I'm now going to think purposely of the good experiences there so I feel a bit better too!

Cheers, DtM! West London & Slough UK!

There's some information here that may provide ideas and support:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CrimeJusticeAndTheLaw/CrimePrevention/DG_181549

Hope it gets sorted soon without too much trouble. 

Take care.

Hi

Bradford..  I used to (sort of) study there at the University back in 92-94!

You've just put some 'flashbacks' through my mind of the place, some fantastic experiences (all legal thank you very much!) and some downright horrible ones (not directly concerning myself though!)

I know everywhere has it's fair share of potential nutcases, but if I 'just' look at the various things I saw in Bradford which were negative (and which I firmly kept myself away/out of) I can see how you'd have someone like you have bothering you.

Good luck again .. I'm now going to think purposely of the good experiences there so I feel a bit better too!

Cheers, DtM! West London & Slough UK!

Well you put it quite nicely  . I've lived in the 'good' bits, the 'horrible' bits and in between all over stupid Bradford and it's been just about the worst place ever! We've only hung on this long because of uni. It's dirty and people are miserable. Not to mention we had that creepy guy at uni who made it on the news because he was going around killing and eating people  .