Fights in long-distance relationships

So as of tonight, I'm not sure if I'll be moving to England or not.

The last few months have been miserable. We've gone three years without any significant fights at all, and now suddenly we're fighting about all kinds of stupid small stuff.

A few weeks ago he disappeared without warning for three days after we had an argument. He apologized for it when he got back, after I'd spent the whole three days sick with worry....but things haven't gotten better since.

The whole long-distance thing is taking its toll, and tonight we had another fight - I'm still not even sure what started it - and he logged off skype and sent me an email saying he didn't think things were going to work out between us. 

I'm not sure if he'll change his mind come morning, when he's had a chance to think things over. There's a good chance he will, but I'm totally not sure if I even want him to.

I'm furious that he hasn't been willing to talk about whatever is actually bothering him, and just seems to want to pick fights over stupid, minor things. I'm heartbroken to think of this relationship coming to an end, because aside from the last 3 months or so, we've gotten along wonderfully and [I thought] been very happy.

Does anyone have advice on dealing with these sorts of troubles long-distance? It's so much harder than when you can actually talk things out face to face.

Failing that, does anyone have some chocolate or ice cream they want to share? 

I'm very sorry to hear this.  

DF and I are no longer long-distance, but when we were we used to fight just before a visit and things were very tense during the whole visa process. So, I don't know if you guys have a trip planned soon or if you were planning on moving soon. If so, perhaps that's what his bothering him?

My advice would be to look after yourself and let him make the first move. Go out with friends or family and try not to spend too much time moping or feeling sorry for yourself. No that you're not justified in doing so, but because you'll feel better if you take your mind off it.

I hope things work out between you two. If it's meant to be, I'm sure it will.

HUGS!

PlainPearl,
I appreciate the reply. I'm taking your advice -- going out for a walk by the lake with my mom and brother in a little bit. Anything to get myself to stop sitting around refreshing my email inbox compulsively is good, I guess.

Duckie, I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I don't know the particulars of your relationship (no one ever can but you and your OH) but I thought I would just let you know that I agree fighting long distance is one of the most frustrating things ever. Not only because you can just "check out" by signing offline when either of you is angry, but also because you can't give each other hugs or hold a hand when you make up to rebond after a fight.

When DH and I were long distance, we had our share of minor arguments, but about 3 months before I planned to move over to the UK we had a whopper of an argument which was about pretty much nothing but ended up with us "breaking up" for a few days. It all stemmed from the stress of the move, and DH was worried about the pressure of me giving up everything at home (friends, family, career, etc) to be with him and he was so worried about not being "worth it" and "failing" that he cracked under the strain. Like I said, I can't know the particulars of your situation or what your OH is thinking but all I can say is the pressure of a LDR can really put a lot of strain on a relationship and for some the pressure can really build over time.

I am glad you are taking care of yourself, and all I can say is that if he does get in contact at least you will have had some time to think about what your boundaries are (ie not disappearing for days at a time) and what you deserve from your partner and hopefully can end up being stronger after this all no matter what the outcome.

Hugs hun, I hope for the best for you!

Don't underestimate the effects of stress. My husband and I had tons of arguments when I first moved. It was a massive change for the both of us and I was cranky almost all the time due to homesickness and culture shock. We fought all the time. We argued fairly often when we were long distance as well. Now we almost never argue and it's seldom a serious one. Stress sucks.