Feeling a bit emotional...

It's only early evening here, but today, now that I'm up and running on my new email (broadband), I've been in contact with several people from back in England.

It's so weird and hard to explain, so I thought UKY is the obvious place to vent because people here understand the complexities of international marriages.

I've been so torn between England and the US and we're back in Chicago now.  It's been wonderful, seeing my family, old friends (since grade and high school) and we love our new home and neighbourhood.
We've been genuinely ecstatic about being here.

Yet at the same time, I talk to my good friends in England and my heart aches, because I miss them and all of their love and support from over the years.  DO I BELONG ANYWHERE?  OR DO I BELONG IN BOTH PLACES? 

I wish that international marriages weren't so complicated sometimes.  I guess I just need to look at the positives as to how enriched our lives have been, and the opportunities available to our boys when they grow up because they have dual citizenship.  Yet, I'm only human and wish I could have EVERYBODY around me who means so much, regardless of which side of the pond they are on...

Sorry for the outpour of emotion.  You know how it is sometimes when things just hit you.  And the move back has been overwhelming...

I understand how you feel, Kellie--

I am back in the States now after being in Edinburgh since 2001 (not as long as you, but long enough to develop my home there).  My DF is now thinking that he would like to live State-side for a few years instead of Scotland...he's never lived abroad before, so I can not deny him that.  Of course, I am very torn.  I know that WA is the best bet for us, because I found a great job here, one that will do wonders for my career, and my mother is on dialysis waiting a transplant, so it's great to be here for her.  Sorry...I did not mean to make this about me.

I think that it might take a while for you to re-adjust to life in Chicago (or in the States as a whole).  You are now a stranger in your own home. 

Think of it like a sweater...when you first put it on or take it off, the neck gets a bit stretched from the "trauma" of going over your head.  Once it sits there on your body (or on the bathroom floor) for a while, the fibers begin to relax and start to return to "normal". 

Moving takes adjustment.  And sometimes, a sweater is never excatly the same after it's been stretched, but it sure will get "close enough" to wear out of the house.  As for belonging in both places, sure.  "Home is where the heart is" and you now have two homes.  Maybe after 8 years in the States, you will be ready to do the UK again...and the little one may be up for seeing the home of her father...and having those same experiences.

The future can hold so many things.  And sometimes, we don't know what's in store for us, but it will all be good eventually....Give it time.  And know that we are all here for you to vent to, cry to, and we are here to listen....

{{{{{{{Kellie}}}}}}}
I can totally realate to you. I was only in England a little over a year. I caught myself being *homesick* Sunday - missing everything about my home in England. Hang in there. Those thoughts will come and go. Isn't it great to know the best of both worlds?

Huge, HGUE hugs to you, you aren't alone in this. Signing up for an international marriage is, for most people, also signing up for a lifetime of having your heart in two homes and always, to some extent, feeling split. I know for some people it isn't like that, they can just adopt one country or the other and leave it at that - but not me. Not you. Not lots and lots of us. I do try to think of it as having the best of both worlds, of having access to 2 wonderful places... but realistically, very little helps when you're feeling the heartache of being stretched - so my heart goes out to you. (((hug)))

Thanks to you guys for your kind words.

I guess I'm just having an "aftershock."   After all of the months of anxiety and worry, the move and interview came upon us so fast.  I feel as though I just went through the motions to get here, with very little time to take a breather.

Now that we're here, I have time to think about things and the whole experience has been so overwhelming.  Thinking is both good and bad!

It is an adjustment.  Interestingly, I just met my next door neighbour today.  She and her husband lived in Germany for three years.  She said that she was really pleased to hear that we were from England and we both touched a bit on living abroad and the differences here.  She said it took her a while to not "imagine" herself in her life in Germany.  I could really relate to that.  We made plans to get together over coffee and chat some more.

Little things like that go a long way. At least, for me they do.

And, maybe once our stuff arrives, that will help too.  I just feel very disjointed at the moment.  And very tired.  I swear, I could just go to bed and sleep for weeks!

Thanks again for your very kind words.  It makes me feel better to know that people understand.   

Hiya Kellie.

I havent even been where you are yet - the aftermath of the big move, that is - and still, I can feel it coming. I know its got to be hard for you Kellie- feeling like you belong so completely in both places equally. People like us are destined to be split for the rest of our lives, but as you well know - the feeling does fade into the background. Look at how well you settled in England - so much so that you feel like it's just as much part of you as the US is. No doubt you'll settle just as well in Chicago, given time. It WILL start to feel like HOME again. And it sounds like you've got a good start at making it home, by the sounds of it - what luck that you have such a great link with your neighbour. Lets hope this is the begining of a very good friendship

Anyway, Im sure its only natural to wonder if you did the right thing or if you'll ever be satisfied. It was only three years ago that I moved to England so those same feelings are still fresh in my mind. But they subsided - and they will for you as well. I bet it'll help a lot when you have your things around you again - like your photo albums and those little things that carry great memories with them. Once theyre in place you'll start to feel more comfortable Im sure.

Mart and I are sending you our best wishes.
Sarah

PS: "Where thou art, that is home." - Emily Dickinson (keep it in mind - whenever I do it makes me feel so much better and helps me feel settled wherever I am.)