"It's not gonna last." Uh, excuse me??

Somehow I always find myself back in this forum, lol. I'll try to make this short and sweet. Yesterday night I was at a friend's big birthday party. I was sitting down looking a little blue I guess and a guy that I know has a thing for me, came over to me and asked what was wrong. I said I had a bit of a tiff with my LD boyfriend over something stupid. To which he proceeded to list a bunch of reasons why LDR's don't really.. workout.  

So, I listened to him ramble on for about ten minutes before walking off to do something else. The nerve of people. It's not only him I have to deal with. It seems whomever I tell that Alex and I are in a LDR they immediately throw me negativity about it. Things I have heard include; "You think he doesn't have someone on the side there? That isn't much of a sex life for either of you. I mean, he is a guy after all." "He probably just can't get someone there, you're just a lovely trophy girlfriend." "It's not going to last. You need physical contact in a relationship. Skype and texting will only get you so far." "Oh, LDR you say? You mean your imaginary boyfriend?"

Seriously..? It's 2012, how are people not grasping the concept of long distance relationships when they are SO common now because of the internet? This kind of thing makes me not even want to bring up the fact that I am dating someone in another country. The distance is hard enough without their unneeded negativity. Even my teacher picks on me for it, my boyfriend is really, really miffed about these kinds of things--always sexist and making him out to be the bad guy. Even though, I mostly get all of this crap from guys. Only one of my girlfriends has said, after I told her "Oh wow, that's sweet!" Everyone else is just dreadful.

Has anyone else experienced this crap? Sometimes I just laugh it off but last night it kind of upset me Also, that short and sweet thing didn't really happen now did it, lol.

I understand where you're coming from. I was out once with some friends when an acquaintance from high school came up to me and we got to talking about what we were up to and I mentioned my then BF. When he found out that it was long distance and he was living relationship. The acquaintance then said "oh, so it's not a REAL relationship." Then he went on to say that it would never work out and that he was probably cheating on me and that I was silly for thinking anything could come from it. Now we're married and I live in England, so haha in yo face acquaintance! 

Most people wondered how we made it work and how we dealt with "trust issues." I'm of the opinion that short distance relationships fail all the time and if someone wants to cheat on their significant other, they will. It doesn't matter if they live a mile away or thousands of miles away.

Just remember that you're in a relationship with your BF. No one else is, so you don't need to justify yourselves to them. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not your fault that some people are so close-minded and rude that they cannot wrap their minds around a long distance relationship and tease you about it.

YES! I got this horribly from mostly my friends! One of my brothers had long distance dated his girlfriend (but not from a completely different country) so the concept wasn't too foreign. I know my mom was a bit concerned since we had met something like 6 months after my divorce from my 1st marriage (which to be fair, had been a LOOONNGGG time coming...our last 2 years together were both abusive and miserable, so I was ready when it was over!) but seeing how happy I was and the time we took, then meeting him really helped my family. So my family was really supportive.

I had split decision friends...Half thought the whole thing was really romantic and wonderful and loved him as they met him...The other half loved him, but thought it wouldn't last because of the distance and told me I was ridiculous, I didn't really know him, etc. I had one even try hard to break us up! (We don't speak anymore at this point).

I think that long distance with skype and everything was amazing! I told people it was a relief for me to get to know someone more on a communicative level than a physical level...and it was nice not to have the pressure to become physical! (I didn't want a relationship that was just based on the physical side!) I think because of the steps we took, I know him way better than I would have if he were there in person! I just don't think until people get into that situation themselves, that they really can understand the reasons, feelings, etc.

One of my biggest critics had to come back to be with her tail between her legs after I moved here...Turns out she went on Holiday to Mexico and met her now fiancee! HAHA!! I remember that Skype call clearly! She was telling me how she's been eating some humble pie before calling me..

No one ever said it to me, but I knew they were thinking it.

At the time, if a friend of mine had told me that she met a guy in Europe and now they're dating long distance, I would have thought she was nuts, so that's why I didn't really talk about it to anyone. That, and I didn't really care for anyone's opinion on the matter. It's a very difficult situation to begin with, without anyone's added input to make it more difficult. Plus, I'm somewhat of a private person anyway when it comes to relationship stuff.

I can't tell you how surprised people were when I actually upped and moved...and that I'd stayed for nearly 3 years. That was the verification that no one thought it would go anywhere, even though they'd never voiced it! 

so haha in yo face acquaintance! 

This made me laugh!

I am so glad that I didn't have any one that ignorant in my life! I got questions about how we met and how do we keep in touch and stuff, but most people seemed open to it. It might have helped that a mutual friend introduced us, so it didn't seem completely random (?) to outsiders.

Whatevs- we're married now and I'm (hopefully if UKBA will get their act together ) on my way to London soon!

I think if anyone had been so rude, I would have rolled my eyes and walked away. They are generally the type that aren't going to be convinced to think differently by anything I have to say to begin with, so why waste my breath?

a guy that I know has a thing for me

I think that's your answer right there, he obviously thinks he can say those things to try to make you see that it won't work.

As for other people, well, people will give unsolicited advice all through your life. Everything anyone does will be questioned in one way or another by someone or another. 

Just let it roll off your shoulder and don't give it another thought. For me, personally, those types of comments only made my conviction to make my relationship work stronger- so I suppose I should thank all the people that doubted.

I didn't really talk about my LDR for that reason. My mom, days before we actually got married, told me via e-mail that she didn't think it would last. She was uninvited from the wedding until she apologized and my Mister was still not keen on having her there because he was so upset. Despite how common they're becoming due to the Internet and people traveling more, people are still so judgmental about it! Your friend is probably jealous. I think that is the reason for a lot of the LDR bashing. Anyway, here we are almost 4 years later, still happily married.

I think quite a lot of us with long distance partners have experienced similar negativity at some point. 

I have definitely had my share of people being very doubtful of my relationship, even after we got married.  (along the lines of but you haven't really spent a lot of time together or lived together, I bet you'll split before your first anniversary)  Comments like How do you know he isn't with another woman back in England? or It can't work without [physical] intimacy or contact were plentiful.

I know it's upsetting, especially after the umpteenth one, but try to shrug them off.  To be fair to them, you do hear occasional stories of people who get married after meeting someone online and it turns out to be disastrous.  I think some people are genuinely thinking they're being helpful by pointing out what they perceive to be issues, but really, it's not their relationship.  You know you have a healthy happy relationship with your partner, and so long as you're making it work between the two of you, that's all that matters.  When you're finally together, you can turn to the naysayers and say told ya so.

Sorry, I'm late coming into this. When hubby left to come to the UK last September to be with his sick dad, get a job, and a place to live so we could follow, we had been married for almost 5 years. I had moved to the UK when we first married, and he had just spent 3.5 years living in the States with me. Of course his dad ended up passing and things got crazy. Then we were waiting for him to get a permanent contract for work before applying for visas. Everything finally came together and I applied for our visas in February. While waiting for the approvals (took a bit longer than normal as I had to send in more documentation) I found out that a few of my co-workers had been saying how, "Quite obviously her husband is cheating on her and doesn't want her there". I was shocked! A friend mentioned it to me while we were out for me going away party and I was quite furious. I finally calmed down though because I knew that NONE of them had a clue about immigration and what actually goes into it. People who haven't ever had an LDR or gone through immigration, just can't "GET IT".

Very late coming in to this, but time will show them that LDR can work. I had the same from some people, especially after my sister had a short term LDR that didn't work out.

My brother has been married twice, and both marriages together didn't last half as long as hubby and I have been together. I've had many friends who have married guys they have been around for years, only for the marriages to break up after a couple years. On the other hand, I have friends who have been married 20+ years.

Every relationship has a 50 - 50 chance of success or failure. It all comes down to the two people involved, their commitment to each other and willingness to compromise, etc. It has nothing to do with distance.

LDR are fantastic for busy people. I have been with my now wife for over 4 years. It was a lil over 2 until we finally met !! But by that day we were emotionally connected, there was,nt much I did,nt know about her & vice versa. You talk more in a LDR & THATS important . Yeah we both had the nay sayers but they have all been put firmly to bed with a fat slice of humble pie.

It could of been so easy for either of us to have met someone in a bar.. got physical & in way too deep with them before actually getting to know each other. Before you know it you,d both be on the sofa, sitting watching some spirit crushing TV in total silence, unhappy& wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere. Thanks to our LDR this will never happen as we both know exactley what rings our bells or rattles our cages. All because of those hours & hours on skype , phone & messenger. I know my wife better in the past 4 years than I do my ex wife of 12yrs. LDR take commitment, trust & hard work... just remind the poopers that next time they sound off about something they have no idea about.

Certa.

Thanks to our LDR this will never happen as we both know exactley what rings our bells or rattles our cages. All because of those hours & hours on skype , phone & messenger. I know my wife better in the past 4 years than I do my ex wife of 12yrs. LDR take commitment, trust & hard work... just remind the poopers that next time they sound off about something they have no idea about.

THIS EXACTLY!!! Thanks for saying it just right Certa! This is what I was telling people!

THIS EXACTLY!!! Thanks for saying it just right Certa! This is what I was telling people!

Agreed. People would ask me how it worked. I always replied that we have ultimate trust- way more than my ex of 7 years!! (Who lived in the same city!) I have absolutely no doubt about DH. Fortunately, I never had anyone say anything negative to my face or behind my back that I know of. I did get a lot of negative remarks about my ex while we were dating (I put up with a LOT I shouldn't have!)

I think what people tend to forget is that when your in person, it's to easy to rely on the physical side and not the communicative side of a relationship. In a LDR, communication is really all you have! It sorta forces you to open up and talk!

For me, it was such a relief not to have to deal with anything physical! When I had met my husband, I had only been divorced for a little over 6 months (Though the relationship had really crumbled over a year prior...We were basically living as roommates for the last year of our marriage) I still had a lot of emotional baggage from all the emotional, verbal and starting physical abuse.

The dating world was even scarier because the guys were soo pushy to get what they could out of you! Everything was so fast passed that I felt like they didn't really care about me, but what they could try to get out of me! I got frustrated and said forget it after going on a few dates.

Being able to spend another 6 months of just getting to know someone was just what I needed and I can honestly say I fell head over feet for my husband and think him the love of my life! I knew he loved me for all the important reasons! My relationship with him in the 3 years is a million times better than the relationship of 6yrs with my ex! With my ex, there were a lot of second thoughts, regrets and questions of whether or not I should marry him, etc. With my now DH NONE! Never was, and I knew I wanted to marry him! Wouldn't change a thing!   

Yeah, people said that crap to me, too, sometimes. I just shrugged it off because they didn't know him the way I did, even if I only knew him "online" at the time. Here I am, over 5 years from the day I met him online, married, with a baby, living in England for the last 4 1/2 years. So I guess that's them told!