Alone?

Hello everyone,

So, I’m in need of a bit of reassurance or even some positivity?!

As most of the members here, I will be making the move over to the UK in late January. Unlike many here though, I won’t have someone waiting for me, or even, at least as it appears at the moment, a job lined up for when I go.

I suppose you may ask, why go then? Well, I’ve always wanted to move back to Europe. For quite some time now I’ve made choices that have put me on the course to move there, such as school and what not, but never made it over as I felt the timing was not right and neither were my finances.

I don’t really have much holding me here, other than a handful of friends and my family. No boyfriend, kids, or even a career to really substantiate my staying put in the U.S.

The responses I generally get from those I tell of my plans, fluctuate between: “You’re crazy for doing this” to “Do it honey. If I were younger, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

My family, though supportive (i.e. Can’t really tell you not to do it, as you’re an adult!) are a bit reluctant to give me their full consent, especially my sisters. My sisters are the ones who guilt me the most for doing this. I suppose my parents would too, were they aware that I have no intention on coming back to the US, especially if all should work out accordingly to plan.

It’s a daunting thing and such a risk, I know.

I was feeling very self-confident and assured about myself and everything right up until this weekend.

I had family stay over from overseas for a month and after they left (last Friday) the whole thing left me less sure of things and I began to doubt and fear all I’m doing.
I suppose the melancholia and coming to the realization that such a life will eventually become my life (i.e. living far away from friends, family and all things familiar), really took its toll.

Anyway, as I mentioned above, I guess I’m just looking for some words from those who’ve undergone the process of uprooting your entire life elsewhere. I’ve had to do it once before,  when my family and I first moved to the US, you’d think I’d be used to this.  But I was a kid then and my family was the one undertaking the entire process. AND we DID have family waiting for us over here when we arrived.

So, I guess my question is, has anyone ever done it alone, with no one or anything awaiting them?

Thanks in advance for the listening ear.

Liliana

I can tell you, the first question you will be asked here is how are you moving over? (ie, what kind of visa)

Barring that hurdle, I would say go for it. Don't listen to others. You have to live the life you want to live! Don't let others' expectations of what you "should" do dictate your decisions. Good luck!

I did it just after my 19th birthday without any friends/family/contacts in the UK. My reason to go was, frankly, my lifelong wish for adventure. Some might think that's not good enough, I say who cares I've always been a person who believed you don't need reasons to go places--but I will always take an excuse to go somewhere if that makes any sense

I had nothing in the UK except some cash (loan money) in my pocket. I could do it because I was young (still am...) and everything fell into place. Looking back, in terms of 'push and pull' factors, I had more logical reasons to stay in the US than meander off to the UK. That said, I'm glad I didn't over analyze, and talk myself out because of 'pros and cons'. I just did it. I thought, I'll try it. Even if I absolutely hate it, I can return anytime.

I had a steady boyfriend back in the US and that almost held me back (he was happy for me but not happy for the distance) but I am so infinitely glad it didn't. Especially since the relationship ended several months later...

However, my friends those few, genuine, and far between still kept contact with me overseas and still kept me as an important part in their lives. A dear friend made me her maid of honor even though other friends were closer physically. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that even when you're abroad, life goes on. You don't necessarily leave people behind, sometimes you grow apart, but for me enthusiasm and effort are important. Skype is a wonderful (annoying but necessary) thing. I remember waking up some idle day and checking my facebook. While blankly checking my feeds, I saw that my dear friend had announced her engagement. Two seconds later I was ringing her via skype shouting incoherently "OOOOOMMMMGGGG HE POPPED THE QUESTION! OMG! CONGRATULATIONS! AHHHHHH! I just found out! Any have thought about any dates? I'm so happy for you!" :')

I guess what I'm trying to say is that distance cannot harm enthusiasm or change how much you care for someone. My family members were downright un-supportive in the beginning and looking back on early posts I made here, goodness was I a mess before and immediately after I moved! Later on, my family became positive and looking back, they said some mean scary things because they wanted me to change my mind because they knew they were going to miss me if I left.

No one can guess your outcome. Some people get here and take to it like a duck to water, others have mixed experiences or simply try it, decide it's not for them and go back. I definitely had loads of ups and downs, certainly no duck to water.

Perhaps I'm naive, but I say, you've both at least two passports, use 'em! And if you go there and decide it's not for you, you can come back or go somewhere else. Or harm or shame in that. An Asian friend of mine lived in the UK, did the same course I did. The UK ended up being not for her, but she had amazing visits to Europe and North America with her base as London so a lot of positivity out of her move. I left the UK sooner than I wanted to and even with the low times, I wouldn't change moving to the UK for anything. I came to the UK without knowing anyone (well...except my landlady I 'met' online...) and managed to make fantastic friends. Because I didn't know anyone, my work was cut out for me. London has a community and group for just about everything. I made my first friend because we both could grumble about visa applications

</rambling> You'll be fine

I kinda/sorta did it.
I came over here to be with a supposed boyfriend, but got dumped a couple of months after I arrived.  I had a bit of cash and a credit card, and the notion that if it all went pear-shaped, I could always go back to California.  But almost 27 years later, I am still here! 

Once I got dumped by the boyfriend, I knew very few people... all were friends of the boyfriend, all were kind to me, and sympathetic about the situation, but not really a support system. Although one guy did help me find a crappy bedsit (no hot water or heating, and sharing a bathroom with some serious scum) and had a word with the landlord on my behalf because I didn't have any references or anything.
I spent a lot of nights lonely and angry, crying my eyes out in that bedsit, drinking vodka huddled up in bed wearing multiple jumpers and coats because I felt so cold, but to be honest, the thought of going back to California never really crossed my mind as an end to the issue.

Once I got a job, everything changed.  I could afford to move to a slightly-less-crappy bedsit, and I made friends and developed a social circle and started making a life for myself, which has worked out really well! 

Go for it!  If it doesn't work out the way you want it/are imagining it, you can always go back, right?

1. If you hate it, you can go back. You are young and trying new things. If you decide to go back, that is fine, if not, that is also fine.
2. It will be fun! Exciting! A challenge! And that is what being young should be ALL ABOUT!

When I was younger, I moved, on my own, to several countries (It was a lot easier to do that 20 yrs ago, and I had a job that allowed movement). I was single. So, I was out and about and NOT lonely at all. I made tonnes of friends, and went on dates. It was GREAT.

I lived in Rome, and in Barcelona, and Dublin, and London, in like a 5 1/2 yr period.

I always knew I could go back to the USA whenever I wanted, and I always planned to go back eventually, and I did go back... But, not because I was not having fun. I went back to go to school.

It will be an adventure!

Sometimes it will be hard, sure, but the experience will be a good one, because you will grow, and learn. And, like I said, you can always go back! So, no harm, no foul.

I did it. I moved over in early 2010 with no job or partner. I did have family in London who let me crash on their couch for a couple of weeks until I found a job/flat, which was super helpful. (If I hadn't had that, though, I probably would've camped out at a hostel or something instead.)

I originally moved over with a return ticket (since they were cheaper), and figured if 5 months had passed and I still didn't have a job, maybe it wasn't meant to be. (Never ended up using the return ticket, since my backup plan was to use it to go back and visit people but I was too busy with my new life here.) I also had about $5k in cash to help support myself (rent deposits, etc), most of which was used to drag my dog and cat over once I was a bit more settled.

I figured I'd re-evaluate how things were after 1-2 years and if I didn't like it, I could always move back. I'm coming up on 3 years here, though, and can't imagine living in the US again. (If I absolutely had to, due to whatever life circumstances, it would be fine, but I can't see myself choosing to move back just for the sake of living there again.)

Do it. There's nothing better than moving to the other side of the world by yourself!!!    5 years ago, I was preparing myself for just that. So heee!     

If you hate it, you can give yourself an out and go back!  And the out doesn't mean you failed, just means you didn't have such a good experience as you had in your mind. And that's OK. 

And you've got us here for help and advice. We're good at that! 

Just make sure your savings are in order and you've got an 'emergency fund' to get you back if you/need to.   Other than that, have fun!! So many people would love to be in your situation to have the opportunity and luck to be able to just pick up and move somewhere new. So relish it and run! 

Ditto! I moved 9 years ago to do a PhD, but knowing that I wouldn't go back if I could possibly avoid it. Best thing I ever did. Don't let the doubters get you down!

I'm another one who came over by myself on a work permit. Although I did have my colleagues for support, I didn't know any of them before my move. 6.5 years later, I am well settled and this is home.

As mentioned by others, I saw it as an adventure that I could terminate at any time and really enjoyed myself.

Good luck and have fun with it!

Hi everyone,

I'd like to thank you all for taking the time to reply back to me and with such positivity.

The last couple of weeks have just been rather rough on my morale. I'll just have to keep reminding myself of all that was mentioned by you all

My biggest fear is to go and return back with nothing gained or to show for. Or go, and not find a job...  end up living under a bridge or something. (Which given today's economy is not really an impossibility). I suppose that's a big part of my apprehension. I have not been able to get even a "maybe" in terms of finding work there. I know it's unlikely to hire while I'm still here, but still.

Anyway, this compiled with my family's stay here just had me second guessing, why trade in all this comfort for so much uncertainty.

I know i won't find the answers to ANY of this until i actually just DO IT, but sometimes your own mind can be your worst enemy.

So, i won't over analyze, or let others do the "analyzing" for me. I know the alternative of staying here will not make me happy, though it is in fact, comfortable. So, i must do it...

Again, thank you all... i can't tell you what a world of good your postings have made. I'll save these for the future for when I'm not feeling "so sure" again.

Lily

Funny to see this today. I just posted on FB how three years ago to the day, I was on a flight with my dog to start a new adventure here -- no boyfriend, no job. Just 'single girl brings her dog to London for a three year experiment (with the opportunity to extend)'. I knew just one friend over here at the time.

It was the best thing I've ever done.

I met my now-husband the first night in the country, have worked with some of the most lovely people in the world, and have an amazing circle of dear, sweet, fabulous friends that mean everything to me.

I always had in my mind 'Meh -- if it doesn't work out, I don't need a visa to return. But if I never even try it, I'll never know what I may have missed...'

I was another who came over knowing very few people, no boyfriend, etc.  I made amazing friends on UKY who helped me get settled, and I stayed for 2 years before I returned to the US.  I regret coming home the way I did and that I didn't look for a better job to transfer to.  But I know if I'd stayed, I wouldn't be married to my husband, who I met about a year after coming home to CA. 

He always says one of the things he was attracted to was my England adventure.  It made me interesting and showed him I had a lot of nerve to move 6000 miles away from everyone, sell my house, quit my job and go.  But I did it and I don't regret one second of it. 

Go and don't look back. 

Yes, you'll be scared.  Yes, you'll have moments of OMG what did I do?  But then one day you'll be able to give directions on the street and it will be home. 

Go.

I am yet another who up and quit my job and moved to London with no job and no boyfriend and knowing only a few people (only one of whom I ever saw on a regular basis). I moved just before the financial crisis hit in 2008 (during the brief window of HSMP visas), and never did find a job during my two years, but I did meet an Englishman during the second year. I went home (sadly) at the end of the two years, but we visited each other several times, he proposed, and a year later I moved back for good. I would never have met him if I hadn't taken the chance, even though meeting someone was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. I had a pretty good life before, but now I love my life.

And what's the worst thing that can happen? You hate it and go back to the US. Do give it at least a year or two, though; it can take awhile to meet people and settle in.