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Topic: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.  (Read 2469 times)

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As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« on: October 25, 2012, 04:34:54 PM »
Not sure where to start, I actually feel kind of weird doing this, but I feel this is the best place to start/vent, maybe get some advice, words of encouragement, or whatever. So here it goes. My story starts out on March 9th 2012. I (boy) live in washington state, she (girl) lives in the UK. I reluctantly met a girl through an iPhone app game. It started in a chat room. What first started as light banter, eventually escalated into private messages and eventually Skype. The light banter found way to meanings of life conversations, beliefs of God, political structure and how it affects the commons as well as cowboys, ninjas, lasers and smoke machines to boot. I felt like I had found a connection with someone, one I had not been able to find where I live. This feeling I had, eventually grew so strong by July, that it compelled me to travel 5000 miles to visit this girl. The only thing that trip did was make me realize my heart was in another country other than my own, and the feeling was mutual. After meeting her face to face, and spending physical time with her other than online, the term "live in a cardboard box" came to mind.  Because it did not matter if I lived in a cardboard box, for if I was with her, that was home for me. So it did not matter whether if I was washing dishes at a restaurant, or a CEO of a corporation, I did not care what I did, as long as I could see her everyday.  Now I'm not a slouch, or a lazy person. I bought a house at the age of 23. I have been in the telecommunications industry for 15 years, and recently got a new job as a Data Center Facilities Engineer. So it's not like I'm going to just sit on my laurels. I'm a go getter, and I've succeeded in most everything I've set my mind too, except uk immigration. I would travel to the other side of globe for this girl, drop my house, drop my job, give up possession, leave with the shirt on my back, warmth in my heart and ambition at my fingertips, but its all for not because boarders separate us. Wanting to learn more about what it would take to bring us together I hired a lawyer to look up info on immigration to the uk. Low and behold the lawyer pretty much found what I did. Fat chance of moving there, even if a person marries another,  it is difficult.This still has not stopped us from spending hours on skype, her until the mid afternoon hours, and we try to maintain contact thru skype IM as much as possible. But lately (september) the girl just started her first year of uni and now is seeing the "world". It is hard for us to find time to spend communicating as I live in Seattle, and there is an 8 hour difference. Plus she has a social life there and is meeting new people and going out. Pile on top of that her essays that she has to write for her course work, she only has a finite amount of time for us. I love this girl with all my soul, and she exclaims the same. But it's times like these where it's difficult, the phantom arm affect i guess. I use to be able to scratch my arm, (talk endless hours with her over the summer) now I can't. Her and I want this to work, and my stomach ties in knots imagining a life without her. But it's just hard to endure times like now. The girl is coming over for new years and I plan on taking her to meet the parents and all that good stuff, it's just hard right now, and I needed to vent.


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2012, 05:12:49 PM »
I'm not sure why you think it's not possible for either of you to marry and live together in the same country.  It's actually very possible if you meet certain criteria.


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2012, 05:28:55 PM »
Actually that's something her an I discussed at length. We do want to marry. But reading the criteria, I don't think we can right now. Pending no Mayan apocalypse, I plan on formally proposing to her when she visits. Another facet to this is my company just built a skyscraper in New York, and plans to expand to London. Albeit could take years before that happens. The job I have right now is an incredible one and she needs to do school. We haven't planned that far out, but im planning to fly her here for the summer. She's a student living in accommodation right now and by the sound of it, the criteria would surely reject us. Perfect world situation for me, I save up a bunch of cash (I literally have no debt besides rent) we marry, she gets her place for uni next year. I have cash for financial requirement, she has housing... Happily ever after ensues.


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2012, 05:29:39 PM »
I'm not sure why you think it's not possible for either of you to marry and live together in the same country.  It's actually very possible if you meet certain criteria.

I think he means England specifically. Considering his gf is a student, she probably doesn't meet the financial requirements?


Sorry about the sad lonely feeling OP. A lot of us have been there and understand. It really sucks! Has your girl friend looked into maybe studying abroad in the US?
Met DH to be: 2004
Visited back and forth:2005-2008
Student visa: September 2008
Married: September 2009
Flr(m): July 2011
Finished my bachelors: May 2012
Finished MSc: august 2013
ILR approved: September 2013
Citizenship approval: August 2015
Passport received: November 2015
Citizenship journey is complete!





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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2012, 05:44:35 PM »
Yup, she plans on getting her second degree in the states, wherever I'm living. I think right now it's has to be the back n forth thing unless a miracle happens. I try to look at this as a good thing and forcing me at least to look within myself and ask what does it mean?Everything. But her and I have lives that get busy and complex and given enough time, there may be stints of time like this that test my/our fortitude. I'm just happy there are places like UK-yankee where I can read other peoples experiences, stories, how they coped, or didn't.


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2012, 10:11:46 PM »
DH and I did the back and forth for four years while I was a student. We always made sure we knew when the next visit was going to be and we planned all of our IM dates, so no one was left waiting around for the other to come online. If you couldn't make the date, then you informed the other. Also, we always knew when the distance would end and we knew what we were going to do to make that happen. I think that's the best way to approach a long separation. Also, when I wasn't talking to DH, I made sure I wasn't feeling sorry for myself because he was so far away. I went out with my friends and really enjoyed the free time I had that I wouldn't have been able to enjoy if I had a short distance boyfriend.



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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2012, 01:25:17 AM »
DH and I had (endured!) a long distance relationship for about 6 years before I could move over to the UK permanently.  It is hard, for sure, and the waiting and separation can be very soul-wrenching, but you can make it happen and it's all worth it in the end - so hang in there and keep looking forward to your goal of being together.  It will happen!


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2012, 02:21:40 AM »
Reading this makes me feel good. Thanks for your responses, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through/has been through this also.


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2013, 11:17:06 PM »
In time it will usually work itself out.  I have a long-distance relationship with my fiance who lives in England.  It is hard but it can be done.  We have that faith in God and so much love for each other.   Believe me, we have had our share of fights about our struggles of coming together too.  But deep down inside, we are so happy with each other cuz we have so so much in common.  It will work itself out. 
Met my Brit on April 28, 2012


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Re: As the title says, enduring the distance. This is me venting.
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2013, 11:30:47 PM »
6 month old thread.


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