Great Article About Making Friends as a Grownup!!

http://offbeathome.com/2013/06/how-to-make-friends

Good stuff. It is really basically like dating but without the sex.

That is a great article! Thanks for that. 

Another thing I would add to it - is be the kind of friend that you'd like to have yourself. Make yourself available, be flexible, willing to listen, etc. Building friendships is all about the give & take & sometimes I think people are expecting it all to come to them when they might think about what they have to give - even just a friendly face, a shoulder, a helping hand, etc. 

Very good to read -- thanks, phatbeetle.

The encouragement to contact people directly instead of checking Facebook really resonates with me.

This is definitely necessary for starting new abroad!

I could have written this word for word!

Some good advice here!  Thanks for sharing, PB! 

Thanks for posting this. I find my discouragement at starting over in a new country (my 3rd country) now that I'm no longer in my 20s is so strong, that it overshadows everything that is going right in my life in the UK.

I haven't lived in the USA for 13 years, but by US standards I was shy/introverted, never behaving like this article suggests. In Canada I was more outgoing, but younger, so I still ended up with a great social context eventually (and wasn't on Facebook then, either). In the UK I am the loudest, most outgoing person in the world--and I force myself to do the things in this article, because otherwise I would never, ever get anywhere with anyone, though I've lived here for almost 4 years! It is the #1 frustrating thing and really makes me miss places that are more familiar.

This article makes me feel I should try even harder (it doesn't help that my British partner always says "it shouldn't be hard, this is your home" when I AM trying hard. But I'm sure there's another topic about how Brits who have lived here their whole lives are happy with the 1 friend they already have...)

Great article!  Thanks for sharing! 

Mrs. Robinson--re. something you said on another thread--I gave the book club maybe-friend the coffee invitation. She turned me down, as expected, but you advised 3-5 goes, so she gets at least 2 more chances! Lord these people are hard work ;-)

Thanks

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, candyann! 

I'm glad to hear you gave it a go, however.  Did she give a reason?  If she ends up not going for it, then it's her loss - don't take it personally. 

If all else fails, find your local expats! I'm serious - this is what worked for me (whether it's the 'preferred' thing to do or not, lol!). If you're in London, there should be a ton of you around. Check meetup.com or if you're on Facebook - there's a bunch of different American expat groups on there (PM if you want some suggestions). Other expats do tend to understand what you're going through, IME - they've been a lifesaver for me, listening ear, sympathetic shoulder, etc. Back in the beginning, I organised things - expat meetups, meals, coffees, etc...sometimes nobody came, and then they did, and then more came. And then all of sudden we were making friends all over the place like a house on fire. 

Mrs. Robinson--re. something you said on another thread--I gave the book club maybe-friend the coffee invitation. She turned me down, as expected, but you advised 3-5 goes, so she gets at least 2 more chances! Lord these people are hard work ;-)

Thanks

Sorry to hear that, candyann. But it's like dating - you have to kiss a lot of frogs, etc., etc., etc. 

Thanks, chary. I agree with those who said it's like dating, kind of. In a friendship context it is harder to understand, though--while you may not feel "that way" about a potential date, I personally feel you can never have too many friends. But...

Mrs. Robinson, we were both working yesterday and she was on a deadline before the Bank Holiday weekend. True, of course. I am not even that bothered, I just think it is kind of funny, because I know and can tell that this person is really shy (as well as, as she would be the first to describe herself, really British). I like your suggestions to try other expats as well. I was resistant at first, but sometimes it's just nice to hear a familiar language so to speak--and it is nice, once in a while, to talk to someone who understands the experience. I think if someone has always lived in a country they just naturally feel like it's home, without giving it thought or choice.

Thanks again for all the good suggestions!

Check this thread out - some London peeps are wanting to get together:

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=80787.0

 

...and she was on a deadline before the Bank Holiday weekend. True, of course. I am not even that bothered, I just think it is kind of funny, because I know and can tell that this person is really shy (as well as, as she would be the first to describe herself, really British)...

Aw - so she did have a valid reason then, and it wasn't a no never kind of response. See I think this is good because you have planted the seed of the idea... And she'll have some time to think about it. Sometimes I don't always want to do something suggested at first, but then the more I think about it, I warm to the idea. I think friendship can be like that sometimes. 

This article hit the spot. 

I had oodles of friends at home and I never had to try, ever.  My best friend in the US was always moaning about how hard it was to make friends (he was self employed and didn't have the luxury of a huge corporate pool of people his own age that I did) and recently I told him I now understand what he was talking about. 

I've been trying to get out there, but I almost feel like it's WORSE than dating.  With dating you kinda know what the score is, but with trying to make friends, you have to figure out if that person has room in their life for more friends, if that makes any sense.  When I first got here, I became friendly with someone in Cambridge, who when I attempted to turn the acquaintance into a bit of a friendship she said she liked me but just didn't have time for anymore more friends.  At least she was honest.  But it sure made me concerned about it, and that was four years ago. 

C