Did you and your spouse almost kill each other before your move or is it just us

So, the closer we get to the goal line the more we are at each others throats. The issues we have in our marriage (and everyone has them, we're sound as a pound) are amplified during this process. I am a planner and a doer and he is a procrastinator and a dreamer.  I am FREAKING out about everything that has to be done and he gets angry with me because I "never seem excited" about the move anymore.  He's leaving to start his job in August and I will be left behind to wrap things up and he'll come back "get" the dogs and I and we'll travel over together in November. If we're both still alive by then  I kinda suspect this is normal but we have been fighting lately more than we ever have in our 13 year relationship! Please tell me it's not just me.

I met my husband in the UK when I was on a work visa.

But when I moved in with him, we decided to paint and wallpaper his bedroom.  I would paint a wall and he would INSPECT it when I was done.  I have painted plenty walls before, thank you very much.  So, yeah, I understand!

And I remember how stressful it was to "end my life" in the US when I was moving to the UK.  Was an incredibly stressful time.  I'm sure I would have been a nightmare to my partner if I had had one then.

I met my husband in the UK when I was on a work visa.

But when I moved in with him, we decided to paint and wallpaper his bedroom.  I would paint a wall and he would INSPECT it when I was done.  I have painted plenty walls before, thank you very much.  So, yeah, I understand!

That's the kinda stuff he's doing too! We're getting our house ready to sell so there is no shortage of that sort of thing to fight about. He's also constantly telling me not to feel a certain way or not to worry about this or that and I am like "have we met?" I've been this way my whole life and certainly since I met him.  Yesterday we actually screamed at each other and this just doesn't happen with us.  We bicker like normal people but screaming fights aren't our thing...until recently.

When I had to go back to the US last Summer, in order to get my fiance visa and pack up my life for the big move, several friends and family members mentioned how sorry they were that my Sweetie couldn't be there to help me deal with all of it.  Invariably I would say (and I sincerely meant it), that it was far better he stay in the UK as I wanted his first visit to California to be relaxing and fun.  Whether or not any future visits will be fun or relaxing is yet to be seen but I know, without any shred of doubt, that it would not have been a good thing to have him there.  We both tend to get anxious and worry about things, but not the same things. Nope, I missed him terribly, but it was far better to have those once or twice a day skype chats for support rather than have his 24/7 'support'.   

It's a stressful time and stress has to go somewhere, unfortunately it often goes towards those we love. 

....My husband just said, "hugs... tell them not to forget the hugs".  How can I not love such a man? 

When I had to go back to the US last Summer, in order to get my fiance visa and pack up my life for the big move, several friends and family members mentioned how sorry they were that my Sweetie couldn't be there to help me deal with all of it.  Invariably I would say (and I sincerely meant it), that it was far better he stay in the UK as I wanted his first visit to California to be relaxing and fun.  Whether or not any future visits will be fun or relaxing is yet to be seen but I know, without any shred of doubt, that it would not have been a good thing to have him there.  We both tend to get anxious and worry about things, but not the same things. Nope, I missed him terribly, but it was far better to have those once or twice a day skype chats for support rather than have his 24/7 'support'.   

It's a stressful time and stress has to go somewhere, unfortunately it often goes towards those we love. 

....My husband just said, "hugs... tell them not to forget the hugs".  How can I not love such a man? 

Thanks Becca! You're right, it is SO very stressful and those of my friends that will talk about it keep telling me to "relax, it'll all be fine" and I know they mean well but they have no idea what is entailed in all this.  My husband says the same sort of things but that is always his way. He never appears to worry.  That's kinda what the blowup was about yesterday. He talked about being nervous and being all alone in a place he's not familiar with and his situation being just as bad as mine will be here.  We're moving to the only part of Scotland he doesn't know and he won't have any friends or family there.  My family is here but they are ummmm well, they may as well not be.  I can't go to them for help or comfort.  I have three girlfriends though who have been wonderful and I know when the time comes that my husband leaves they will be here for me as much as they can. 

And you're right too about how can you not love such a man and it's sound advice to boot! We try to remember it will pass. Some days are better than others

It has been a while since this has been updated. Just wondering if all is still going okay, or if you've done each other in yet. 

Hubby is the planner and organizer, and I tend to float through life in my happy little hippie chick sort of way. I do get things done on time, papers in on time, bills paid on time.. you see a trend here. I just don't get in a rush or feel the need to make endless lists to organize things. I suppose there is a lot of truth to opposites attracting in that regard.

I also agree that we tend to vent toward the ones we love. Perhaps it is a good thing/bad thing when we are completely comfortable with someone else. We can love with all our hearts, yet at the same time we can let the ugly side of our fears and stress show, knowing we are loved enough to be forgiven and loved through those moments.

It has been a while since this has been updated. Just wondering if all is still going okay, or if you've done each other in yet. 

Hubby is the planner and organizer, and I tend to float through life in my happy little hippie chick sort of way. I do get things done on time, papers in on time, bills paid on time.. you see a trend here. I just don't get in a rush or feel the need to make endless lists to organize things. I suppose there is a lot of truth to opposites attracting in that regard.

Thanks for checking in on me.  Yeah we're both still alive and things are better.  I had no idea how stressful selling a house would be! We are still totally stressed but we don't seem to be taking it out on each other these days.  And it sounds like you and my husband have some things in common (although he's the furthest thing from a hippy I have more tendancies toward that by far) but he does get it done in the end,usually....I've just removed all my nails by the time he does

Glad to hear you are both alive and well, and have reached the point where you aren't taking it out on each other. 

I think at times I drive hubby to distraction with my 'get to it when I get to it' way of going about things. I suppose if I didn't get things done on time I'd be more inclined to change my ways, but since things aren't left undone, I feel there is no need for me to stress. He does enough of that for both of us.

...I suppose if I didn't get things done on time I'd be more inclined to change my ways, but since things aren't left undone, I feel there is no need for me to stress. He does enough of that for both of us.

Yep that's my role too