advise please!

So i think this is the appropriate message board.
I posted on the wrong one i believe. (i'm new, don't judge me)

but anyone else here struggling with having refusal
and trying to see a loved one? I called immigration law
and US & British citizen's advise they all said the same thing
that i should be fine with the documents I have. without a visa

but I'm fearing to be refused.
has anyone gone through the trouble of refusal and NOT needing a visitor visa with success of getting in the country?

I'm believing it's not wise to mention i have a boyfriend, but i am going to leave when i need to. I have a job here in the netherlands [im a us citizen] but i have to leave the schengen area for my visa process, still being allowed in the EU. Can anyone give me additional advice i could find useful for when I return? I really need kind helpful words and i still have a bit of anger towards the customs officer who RUINED my birthday earlier this year. It has really torn my relationship a bit, and we are both dealing with great amounts of anxiety and our health is deteriorating emotionally and mentally. it's really hard for both of us, especially since i don't really have good ties with my own family... he's all i have :/       

I replied in your original thread.

The best thing to do is follow all the rules going forward.  Cross your t's and dot your i's.  it'll make you and your boyfriend's lives MUCH easier.

There is absolutely, positively nothing wrong with having a boyfriend in the UK and going to visit and stay with him.  I would not recommend withholding this information.  It's totally legal.  What you do need is to show strong ties to your home country (or country in which you hold a visa).  As you now have a refusal, it would be best to apply in advance (as advised by UKVI).  Once you've built up a good immigration history to and from the UK on an advance visitor visa (say three trips where you enter and exit exactly when you say you will), you should be able to travel to the UK without an advance visa.

Have you considered marriage and then living together?  That's the best way to close the gap.   

I replied in your original thread.

The best thing to do is follow all the rules going forward.  Cross your t's and dot your i's.  it'll make you and your boyfriend's lives MUCH easier.

There is absolutely, positively nothing wrong with having a boyfriend in the UK and going to visit and stay with him.  I would not recommend withholding this information.  It's totally legal.  What you do need is to show strong ties to your home country (or country in which you hold a visa).  As you now have a refusal, it would be best to apply in advance (as advised by UKVI).  Once you've built up a good immigration history to and from the UK on an advance visitor visa (say three trips where you enter and exit exactly when you say you will), you should be able to travel to the UK without an advance visa.

Have you considered marriage and then living together?  That's the best way to close the gap.   

Yeah already suggested that
He's a tough one to crack unfortunately
I have the much shittier end of the stick


That's bad advice