Gestational Diabetes/Unhappy Pregnancy

As if giving up drinking (save the occasional half of Guinness) and smoking weren’t tough enough, my partner is now faced with having to give up the last of her joys in life- chocolate. 

A few weeks ago her midwife did a glucose test and was concerned about the amount of sugar in her blood.  So, she went to the hospital to have some tests done.  Well, the results that came back were not good, and she now has to spend the next two weeks (during which we will be on holiday) testing her blood sugar levels every day.  If her results aren't improved by the time we get back from the states, she is going to have to go on insulin.

What's baffling me about this is that other than her age (38), she is not in any of the high risk categories for this illness.  She has no family history of diabetes, and was only about 8 stone before she got pregnant (she's now close to 10).  I can't understand why this has happened to her??

I guess I am just depressed because she has been so depressed during the pregnancy.  Things started to go downhill about three months ago when we found out we had to move.  The stress of that, combined with the stress of actually moving in October just overwhelmed her.  She also looks after her Mom (who is disabled), and the stress of taking care of her and of worrying who will look after her while we are on holiday was bad.  The Coventry council wouldn't help us (they claim they have no money), but then we finally found a woman in the neighborhood to look after mom while we are away, and to com in a couple of hours a week after that to help out.  Now just as that problem has been sorted, she has to deal with this blood sugar problem.

Any of these issues on their own would be manageable, but having all of them happen during the past couple of months has made the pregnancy unenjoyable for her, and I am struggling mightily to keep things positive for the both of us. I am confident that our relationship has made stronger by all of this, but I would like to see the both of us enjoy her pregnancy just a little.  She has no family (except her Mom) here, so I am hoping that spending 10 days with mine in the states will help to lift her spirits.  But now that she is at 26 weeks, I have to wonder we will have any joy until the baby has actually arrived.  I am sure that having a healthy happy baby will make all of the tough times worth it, but how can I help her (and myself) to keep it together for the next 13 weeks

Thanks

Wow, sounds like you're going through a lot. Hang in there and enjoy that holiday!

I don't know much about gestational diabetes but see if your partner is allowed any of the artificial sweeteners like Splenda. If she is, you actually can make some really nice chocolate desserts with them that might make her life a little more enjoyable!

You also might look into massages for pregnancy - there are people certified to do them I believe.

I'm sure some other folks will chime in with some ideas, too! 

Good luck!

Gestational diabetes is fairly common although I know it must just feel like yet another hurdle to jump over! It sounds like you are a very understanding with what she is going through and there for her. That is all you can do. Do make sure you take a little time for yourself though -- because if you don't, it won't be good for either of you. I suggest when you go on holiday you take some time for the two of you to be alone. As great as family is-- sometimes it is a bit much! If any chance you are going to be by a beach....long walks on the beach would be wonderful for you both!

Good Luck to both of you-- and enjoy your time!

Helena

Gestational diabetes can happen to any woman, regardless of her family history.  As the disease's onset occurs during pregnancy (and usually goes away after the birth), it is not inherited in any way.  Advanced maternal age (35+), however, is a factor in developing the disease. 

If your partner is becoming depressed, she should also see her midwife or GP and discuss her feelings.  Antenatal depression can occur, just as postnatal depression can.  It can also be successfully treated during pregnancy. 

Good luck!

I don't know anything about gestational diabetes, but I certainly do know about having an unhappy pregnancy. I was completely miserable throughout almost my entire pregnancy here in England - and I can say honestly that the one thing that made the most difference was my husband - so your wife is doing well already because clearly you're a star. We had a lot of life-situations happen in the last few months of my pregnancy as well, including cancer in the family, near job losses etc - and I was ill with borderline pre-eclampsia - so I can certainly relate to your wife. Bless her! The last few months are hard enough anyway, let alone when life gives you a bunch of kicks in the pants. My thoughts are with you! I know this hasn't been much help, but I do think that just being there for her, doing as much snuggling alone time as possible... things like that do make a big difference. Preparing for the baby always made me happy as well, like making scrapbooks, or preparing birth announcements, or decorating the nursery etc... maybe keeping busy with fun baby things would help? Either way - I'm more than happy to lend a sympathetic ear if she feels like sounding off to someone, I'm only 7.5 months past my pregnancy and remember it oh so well.    (((hug))) to you both!

Hi Ed, speaking as a recently pregnant person, it is stressfull enough without all of those extra worries. Now I don't want to worry you further but she is coming into her 3rd trimester now and will be more uncomfortable. It's going to be harder for her to get around and she won't be able to bend down and do things so easily.

My advice? SPOIL HER. Cook her dinner, give her a masssage, book her in for manicures, pedicures, facials, hairdo and anything else she might enjoy.  If finances are an issue, ask around her friends to see if any of them could give her a manicure etc.  Is anyone throwing a baby shower for her? They are becoming more common here now.  Maybe you could have a discreet chat with her best friend about that.

Also, many couples don't realise once the baby comes you aren't going to have a lot of time to spend with each other - if any! Use the next 3 months to do things like movies and days out that will become less frequent/non existent after the baby comes.  That is one thing I wish we had done more of during my pregnancy.

Oh, and maybe you could introduce her to UKYankee, we don't bite and we are sometimes quite good at cheering people up!

One more thing ... if you think she is really depressed, as opposed to being down in the dumps, ask her midwife or GP for help. Pre-natal depression is a recognised condition and no reason for you guys to struggle along alone if you don't have to.

All the best for a happy 3rd trimestre,

Liz

Any of these issues on their own would be manageable, but having all of them happen during the past couple of months has made the pregnancy unenjoyable for her, and I am struggling mightily to keep things positive for the both of us. I am confident that our relationship has made stronger by all of this, but I would like to see the both of us enjoy her pregnancy just a little. She has no family (except her Mom) here, so I am hoping that spending 10 days with mine in the states will help to lift her spirits. But now that she is at 26 weeks, I have to wonder we will have any joy until the baby has actually arrived. I am sure that having a healthy happy baby will make all of the tough times worth it, but how can I help her (and myself) to keep it together for the next 13 weeks

Thanks

Ed, it sounds to me like you're doing exactly what you can do to help her-stay positive.

I HATE being pregnant.  I hate pretty much everything about it.  I am having this baby in just under three weeks and I absolutely cannot wait to be done with this horrible pregnancy.  Luckily I have not had gestational diabetes-actually, my body does pregnancy pretty well, both my last pg and this one have been pretty smooth.  But I HATE it.

My first trimester I spent practically suicidal with depression and frustration.  We didn't plan this pregnancy-I was not ready to be pregnant and had started thinking I didn't want to have any more children at all.  Our dd has some mild devlopmental delays which adds to not only the concerns about how she'll cope with a new one but whether this one will also have problems, etc-it nearly tore my heart out all we've been through with dd and the thought of doing it again makes me feel ill.

I'm totally uncomfortable.  I hate feeling like a child (no drinking, no smoking, can't stay awake too late, etc. etc.) and like I'm not in control of my life or my body.  We have money worries and the pregnancy delayed our move to the UK as well.

The one thing that has made all of this bearable for me has been my husband.  I know he has worries, I know he was a bit upset too when we realized I was pregnant-but although he will acknowledge his worres etc. to me if I ask, he insists that he is thrilled and excited about the baby.  He tells me every day that I'm still sexy and beautiful.  He plans fun things for us to do.  he makes inner for me (something which frankly is becoming less of a "treat" and more of a necessity as it gets harder for me to move around).  He buys me little gifties-nothing big, just things like a fudgcicle or some nail polish to cheer me up.  He hasn't rubbed my feet but he should, and so should you-trust me, she will love it.  He rubs my tummy and talks to the baby-things like that make me (almost) excited about being able to be pregnant-it drives home that there's a little person in there waiting to come out and that makes me feel better, even if it's only for a few minutes.  He is simple always upbeat about the baby, and that makes me feel so much better-I can do this for him.

You can PM me if you like, I'm happy to talk to your wife by email.  Just let her know she isn't alone-pregnancy's dirty secret is that not all women love it, and we're all made to feel like we're supposed to, so it can be very confusing and upsetting for those of us who don't.  Like we're not normal.
It also doesn't mean in any way that she won't love the baby or be a good mother.
Hugs to both of you-the fact that you've even posted this here makes you a jewel of a man in my book.

I'm one of those who did not enjoy being pregnant myself.  I had awful nausea and vomitting until I was 4 months pregnant.  Then, I developed acid reflux that became so severe it required prescription medication.  I also had pregnancy-induced hypertension and swelled so badly I went from 8 to 11 stone.  I'm not a very big person and could hardly walk.

We also had severe financial problems which made all of it worse.

I think Saf is right in that it IS normal to not find pregnancy the most comfortable, desirable condition in the world.  That does not make you a bad person, a horrible mother who doesn't love or want her children, etc.

I feel like a lot of women are made to feel badly if they don't feel being pregnant is the greatest thing since sliced bread or at least act like it - particularly by other women.  You sit there, bloated and depressed, thinking, 'Now I KNOW I am not the only one who feels this way!  Is everyone lying?'  If she's feeling down and beating herself up over e/one telling her how happy she should be just now, she's welcome to PM me!

I also had post-natal depression which required treatment.  My GP made it VERY clear to me that it is far from abnormal to be depressed in pregnancy (or after) and to PLEASE talk to your midwife or GP about it, b/c it can be managed and treated.   

The best thing a woman can do for her child is keep herself as healthy as possible - mentally and physically. 

She has important support in you and her healthcare providers!

I also had pregnancy-induced hypertension and swelled so badly I went from 8 to 11 stone. I'm not a very big person and could hardly walk.

**having flashbacks!** I went from 9 stone to 13 stone - gained more than 60 pounds with this little boy-cuteness, and I can totally remember feeling like you described! And yes yes yes, I'lla gree with everyone here as well that not every enjoys being pregnant, it isn't always the happy GwenethPaltrow experience we are told it will be, and it may help your wife to talk to other women who have struggled through being pregnant. Send her here! We'll give her hugs.

Thanks to you all for the words of encouragement.  I will print this out and give it to my partner; maybe she will get some comfort for it (if she doesn't chew me out for telling the world our problems!).

I give you an update when we get back in two weeks!

I give you an update when we get back in two weeks!

We'll hold you to that!

I just wanted to pop on and mention that while I am only 10 weeks pregnant.. I learned at 7 weeks that I have diabetes!  I am also over 35 and they feel that I was probably borderline pre-preggo and the pregnancy set it into motion completely.

Being diabetic does not mean you have to give up chocolate.  They have me watching carbohydrates which turn into sugar not sugar.  Tell your lovely partner to make sure she tells her mid-wife or doctor (I don't know in the UK we haven't moved yet) but I see a perintologist (high risk OB) because of the diabetes and she said if you have to have something just tell me so I can adjust your insulin to accomodate that.

Checking the blood sugar after a little while is less and becomes less of a chore.  The insulin if she needs that, can be a bit overwhelming at first, but it is not hard or bad and she will feel loads better!  You/she won't believe how much better she will feel once her blood sugar is normal.  It may even help with the pregnancy blues and may be contributing to that.  High blood sugar levels can really add to the already crazy pregnancy hormones.  Just ask my hubby!   

Anyway... it's really not so bad in the end just overwhelming at first.  They have me eating six small meals a day rather than 3 normal meals.  They have me on 45 grams of carbohydrates for each of those meals.  If I was not pregnant it would be less but us preggie ladies need those carbs for the baby. 

I don't know if this helps... but it is good when you don't feel so alone.  There is a good gestational diabetes support board on babycenter.com which has girls from all over the world.  Great place to learn about it too.

I didn't mean to go on and on and please let her know she doesn't have to give up the chocolate at all... she just needs to plan to have it.  Feel free to PM me if you want further resources... I have been bombarded.

Best!

I'm totally uncomfortable.  I hate feeling like a child (no drinking, no smoking, can't stay awake too late, etc. etc.) and like I'm not in control of my life or my body.  We have money worries and the pregnancy delayed our move to the UK as well.

  Just let her know she isn't alone-pregnancy's dirty secret is that not all women love it, and we're all made to feel like we're supposed to, so it can be very confusing and upsetting for those of us who don't.  Like we're not normal.
It also doesn't mean in any way that she won't love the baby or be a good mother.

I LOUDLY second all of this!  Especially the part about pregnancy not being all roses and cupcakes.  In fact, for me, even though I didn't have any health complications, it sucked the bottom end of toes dipped in rotten egg and sprinkled with garlic.  Ok, a bit stinky and graphic so don't experiment around your pregnant and probably super-sensitive-to-smells wife.   But it really, really stunk and I hated it.

I hated puking 7 times a day from dawn till dusk for 24 weeks straight.  I hated weird smells my body now produced and even worse, the sounds!  I hated it soooo bad when I went into labor, after each contraction I'd ask myself, is this bad enough to stop and go back home still pregnant?  NO!!  Bring it on!

And I went unmedicated.

Ok, enough about my prengnacy complaints.  I think what Britwife said was excellent advise.  Pamper your wife!!!  Give her foot massages, or if her back hurts her, offer to have her get on her hands and knees and you press her hips together--this really helped me with my back pain when John did it.  Rent funny movies--"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" came out only weeks before my due date--I do think it was divine timing.  Also, you can tell her to check out www.Babycenter.com for their Birth club boards--they have one for every month and the women really seem to be honest and open about questions, feelings, etc.  It really helped me feel better that I wasn't the only one feeling the way I did.  And that I was normal.

Good luck--you obviously are a very loving, supportive husband, and that's half the battle there!

Rebekah

Jackson (born 01/13/03)

Is Ed back yet?

Hey gang!

Got back over the weekend from the states - what a great trip!  It was nice to just not worry about everything for a while.  My family absolutely loved my partner, and I know the feeling was mutual.  I think she is really tuned into the idea of moving back to the states someday soon - but one thing at a time.

She's done a good job controlling her blood sugar, and despite the fact that the doctor wants to see her one more time about it, she hasn't had to go on insulin yet, which I know would mentally depress her.  The house is still a mess, but we took some of the money that we got at the baby shower my mom threw her and bought a ton of baby stuff at Mothercare, and that has definitely helped to brighten our spirits.  The baby is starting to keep her up a night (lots of kicking), so I need to start bearing more of the load with household chores, otherwise she will not let herself slow down.  Taking care of her mom is going to be a challenge as well, as we really weren't pleased with how things worked out with the woman who was helping to care for her while we were gone.  I think it might make more sense to bring in somebody a couple of times to help with household chores (cleaning, laundry) and let Melanie get her rest that way.

There's still lots to do, but the trip has helped us to put things into perspective.  Her knowing that she has a family overseas who will love and support her has made a world of difference!  Thanks for all of your support.

10 weeks and counting