I wish I could go back in time. Reading this means it will likely be a denial. I didn't show that HE will be living there too. His mothers letter says that I have permission to live in her 3 bedroom home. My husbands letter says that he will be living at his current flat upon my arrival until we find a suitable place together.
I wouldn't give up just yet - I'd just wait and see what happens. Did you/he explain that the reason you won't be living together immediately is because of your religion? If so, that may be taken into account and it may be okay.
(we were gonna go to the mosque then flat hunt when I got there - but now I wish I said he'd move in her house because i don't have to sleep in the same room as him and let religion make me screw my visa up)
The thing is that you don't actually have to end up living where you say you will in the application - your plans might change, after all. You just have to show that you have SOMEWHERE you can go, where both of you can live in the same bedroom... so that you don't end up on the streets.
The fact that you need to have the religious ceremony first before you live together has no bearing on the accommodation requirement - you just show that you WILL have somewhere to live together when you are able to.
The only way we wouldn't get denied is if the ECO recognizes that her house isn't going to be an overcrowding and for some weird reason gives us the chance to explain ourselves and why don't we just live at his moms.
Overcrowding or not has nothing to do with it. If only his mum lives there and it's a 3-bedroom house, then they will immediately know it won't be overcrowded with both of you living there. Overcrowding would only be an issue if more than 7.5 people will be living in the property at the same time.
The issue here is that you haven't provided evidence that you will live in the same property. In fact, you've provided evidence that you WON'T live together... which means they may decide you don't meet the accommodation requirement.
Is there any email address I can send an email to inquiring? I just spoke to his mom and she drafted a second letter which gives him permission to live in her house too and I can attach it in an email and say that I can mail an original as well etc.
I'm afraid not. You cannot add extra evidence after you have mailed the application UNLESS they email you to request it. If not, then they can only consider what arrived in your original package.
It was a non priority visa which i got a confirmation for last week on the 25th. Theres a national enquiry email or number I suppose I could try?
Not really - there's an enquiry service, but they are just a call centre who has no access to your application... all they can do is type your application number/name in to their system and see what it says about your application status.