Neither Here nor There

I went home for Thanksgiving and felt huge culture shock--more this time than the last time.

The town I live in has been having an unending housing boom since the 1980s but the growth in the last couple of years has been incredible.  They had six major shopping centers built.  I got to see the wonders of Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Ross, TJ Maxx, etc. at home instead of going to Vegas to see them.

My father's feed lot in what used to be an agricultural area is overlooked by a housing development of huge and expensive homes.  In fact most of the area is really huge 6+ bedroom homes.  The roads are filled with SUVs and most drivers were talking on cell phones.  After living here it seems excessive.

I have always felt a little out of place here but that comes with the territory of being a foreigner and I know that won't change but what surprised me more was that I feel increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of living in the US.  Too bad my husband is enchanted with it even more since our visit.  Does anyone know of a place in the US that isn't too small, overrun with rampant consumerism, has jobs in the IT sector, and is more like a UK town that I could compromise living in? 

I am now neither here nor there and funnily enough I enjoy it.

I have always felt a little out of place here but that comes with the territory of being a foreigner and I know that won't change but what surprised me more was that I feel increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of living in the US.

I understand exactly how you feel.  I'll never be a native here and I don't feel I'll ever be native again back home.

I know exactly what you're saying.  Hugs. 

The last time I went home I couldn't even fill the car up with petrol without assistance.  Or remember the word for Kaiser rolls.  I had to draw a picture on the grocery list.   

I had to draw a picture on the grocery list.

LOL!
That is just like me.  My grandmother is losing her hearing and since I don't see her very often I can't remember she is.  So when we were clearing up the Thanksgiving dinner she misheard something I said and my automatic reaction was to go through every synonym I could think of along with grand hand gestures since I am used to not remembering what the American or English word for something is and after her very puzzled look sunk in, I realized she just didn't hear what I said. 

I don't know about the jobs, but the midwest looks the most like England, and there are still places there small enough to have that "feel" to them.

My husband and I flew over for Thanksgiving and stopped by a grocery store to pick up some food items to carry back. I specifically went to wait in a long line to check out so I could avoid the 'check yourself out' lanes which I'd not seen before. My sister didn't want to wait so she dragged us over, got the process started then went off to check herself out. Talk about feeling overwhelmed and disoriented. The bag the groceries yourself I did just fine due to loads of practice here... but the rest of it - sheesh.

The man who oversees the line started yelling at us how to do the next step, then finally just pushed his way in and said ' Here, I'll do it since you can't seem to handle it on your own.' Not a pleasant process at all.  Even when I've been my most confused here in the UK, no one has been downright rude about it. Made me just want to be back home in the UK.

i've heard CO is close  to the UK  in weather  and  slower  pace..  now about being rude...hhmm.. i beg to differ,,, firstly the  Whole bagging your own  stuff is  bad  enough and then you have  rude  in a  quiet but obvious way here!! people standing in your space  to get done or people  already at the bottom of the  bagging place so you can feel them  WAITING  for you to leave..  very  intimidating  ...  basically moving in to your space that they want to take over!!   YUCK!!

This is all so true and having just returned to the US, I know exactly how you guys feel. 

I felt the same thing when I made trips home to Chicago and when I first got back, almost three months now, there were lots of little things that made me disorientated.

First of all, swiping your cards at the check outs confused me.     I know that they've been in use for a while (used them during trips), but each store is a little bit different.  After handing my card to the cashier on several occasions, and receiving a strange look in return, the cashier would point to the swipe thing (still don't know what it's called)     It made me feel like a moron.

My father's feed lot in what used to be an agricultural area is overlooked by a housing development of huge and expensive homes. In fact most of the area is really huge 6+ bedroom homes. The roads are filled with SUVs and most drivers were talking on cell phones. After living here it seems excessive.

This sounds like suburban Chicago.  Is that where you're from, Kolc?   What used to be "way out west" and agricultural, sounds exactly as you described, complete with new strip malls to service the housing growth.  And it doesn't look like it's going to slow down around here.  I knew this area had grown, but I really found it a shocker.

Even worse, it's my impression that people really are caught up in having everything.  When talking to people, I'm amazed at their assumptions that we're going to pay for this service and that service:  mowing the lawn, clearing the snow on the drive, having the whole house "redecorated" by an interior designer (who of course they can recommend because she just did their entire house...)  I found that shocking, too.

The SUV thing bothers me.  My six year old noticed all of them and commented that nobody on our street has two regular cars.  In fact, on Friday, my neighbor across the street had some sort of coffee morning thing at her house.  The official count on the vehicles parked in the street were five SUVs, three mini-vans and one regular car.   

I think things have become more materialistic; have they?  Or perhaps they always were, but after a long stint abroad, maybe it's changed my outlook and perspective?

Either way, I figure if I could lower the tone of my sleepy Warwickshire village, I can do the same thing here!  I'm going to shock the neighbors and drive a Ford Taurus and clear the snow with my own snow blower!    We'll probably get away with it because they'll chalk it down to my English husband. 

My analysis:  The only place where folks like us really belong is in the middle of the Atlantic!   

i've heard CO is close to the UK in weather and slower pace.. now about being rude...hhmm.. i beg to differ,,, firstly the Whole bagging your own stuff is bad enough and then you have rude in a quiet but obvious way here!! people standing in your space to get done or people already at the bottom of the bagging place so you can feel them WAITING for you to leave.. very intimidating ... basically moving in to your space that they want to take over!! YUCK!!

It's early days yet, azroomie!     Soon you'll be the master packer who's breathing down some little old ladies neck for going to slow.   

  Thanks Mindy!!  I needed  a  smile this  morning!

This sounds like suburban Chicago.

No it is far from it.  It is southern Utah.  There are a lot of people who want to escape Southern California and have the small town atmosphere with the stunning scenery.  They still work in Los Angeles and commute the 7 hr drive every week.  That is how all the humungus homes came about.  Anyone who works in the area can't afford anything that large unless they already owned the land.

They still work in Los Angeles and commute the 7 hr drive every week.

 

Wow!

Has your father been approached by developers?

I too would like to find the UK in the USA but somewhere coastal.  Oh and add in a chunk of Spain and then a bit of Germany and and... well.....  it is not going to happen.  Still add me to the list of people in the middle somewhere.  I am learning to love it though.. it takes a while but I am learning.

This is all so true and having just returned to the US, I know exactly how you guys feel. 

I felt the same thing when I made trips home to Chicago and when I first got back, almost three months now, there were lots of little things that made me disorientated.

First of all, swiping your cards at the check outs confused me.     I know that they've been in use for a while (used them during trips), but each store is a little bit different.  After handing my card to the cashier on several occasions, and receiving a strange look in return, the cashier would point to the swipe thing (still don't know what it's called)     It made me feel like a moron.

The SUV thing bothers me.  My six year old noticed all of them and commented that nobody on our street has two regular cars.  In fact, on Friday, my neighbor across the street had some sort of coffee morning thing at her house.  The official count on the vehicles parked in the street were five SUVs, three mini-vans and one regular car.   

I think things have become more materialistic; have they?  Or perhaps they always were, but after a long stint abroad, maybe it's changed my outlook and perspective?

 

This is exactly how I felt too! I felt like such an idiot every time I went to pay for something...And at Safeway, they demanded my zipcode and phone number so I gave them my dad's---still not sure why??

I couldnt help feeling like the poor relations when visiting Calif. Everyone has great toys and clothes and money flows like wine...So different than my life here and although I appreciate all the handouts and everyone picking up the tab, it does go against the grain of my pride a bit.

And the other thing that freaked me out was the way waiters spoke to me! So in your face and faux friendly and FAKE!!! I know they're living off their tips and need to sell themselves, but it just really got to me. Very startling when you're in the middle of a convo and someone bolts up and starts in with a spiel. I dont prefer the surliness of customer care here either ---perhaps just a friendly middle somewhere?

Oh yes, the Hummer dealership I saw just made my blood boil.

The only thing that felt comforting and wistfully reminiscent to me was going out to brunch at the local coffeeshop. That was a little piece of heaven to me with a stack of pancakes and neverending cups of joe....

I was just in the US and I felt so overwhelmed...I might have to move back there for a couple of years due to my partners work obligations...I am fighting, whining, cajoling...and otherwise using every last bit of my feminine wiles  to escape what is probably the inevetible.

Funny how The Brit in the relationship often is "enchanted" with the idea of moving over to the US, when the original American over here is horrified by the thought of going back. (OK, horrified is a strong way to put it...but I can't go back now...I've seen the light!)
  I suppose I have to give him the same shot at living in another country and all of that, the same opportunity I got, really...But K-mart? Taco Bell? people who say 'yall?Paranoia about world events?
  I just don't know if I could do it.
I am still proud to be American, and I do not slate my country when backed into a corner at the pub about some injustice that America has been percieved as responsible for...but culturally...
uh,
I think I have become too British.