Drinking culture and teetotalers

One aspect of British culture I'm a bit nervous about is the drinking, as I'm a teetotaler. In particular, I'm already anticipating pressure or exclusion based on the fact that I've received no less than three invites to work-related events that all have "drinks" in the **subject line**. And I haven't even landed yet. I'd put it down to the holidays, but I know better.

Now, two things to understand up front:
1. I knew what I was getting into. I get it.
2. I have NO problem being around those that are drinking. It's quite entertaining. I just choose not to drink alcohol myself. While I don't mind being offered drinks and turning them down, getting harassed about it--or worse, getting excluded in a passive-aggressive way--would be a problem.

So my succinct question is: what's the best protocol for turning down drinks that won't create embarrassment for anyone? Especially in a business setting?

I can't offer many tips but I can tell you that you are right to be concerned.  I've been in lots of situations where non drinkers were excluded, asked why they just didn't drink like everyone else, or even fired for not "fitting in". 

There's plenty of social rules that support binge drinking culture, like buying rounds and having one giant meal tab with food and drinks on it that is then split equally.  Of course that means the non drinkers end up paying for a bunch of alcohol. 

I would suggest that you talk to a Muslim at your future work to get some tips on dealing with this.  You'll need a strategy ASAP, because you can be sure the pressure will start immediately.

Good luck

Why won't a simple,  "I don't drink" response suffice once you are at the venue?

My husband is in recovery. He's been sober for 16 months now which is extremely difficult for a Scotsman. He tried to convince me that it wasn't alcoholism but the culture in Scotland. I'm not daft, I knew the difference. It was the drink or me. He had to make a choice. I'm still here.

He still gets invited to nights out work functions and he politely declines them as he isn't ready to be around that pressure yet.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

Why won't a simple,  "I don't drink" response suffice once you are at the venue?

My husband is in recovery. He's been sober for 16 months now which is extremely difficult for a Scotsman. He tried to convince me that it wasn't alcoholism but the culture in Scotland. I'm not daft, I knew the difference. It was the drink or me. He had to make a choice. I'm still here.

He still gets invited to nights out work functions and he politely declines them as he isn't ready to be around that pressure yet.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

I don't know if that will suffice, which is why I ask. It may be received OK at the venue, but not in conversation the next day at the water cooler. I'm looking for a strategy that's longer term than the event itself.

I'm glad to hear about your husband. A history of alcoholism in the family is one of my reasons...

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk

I don't know if that will suffice, which is why I ask. It may be received OK at the venue, but not in conversation the next day at the water cooler. I'm looking for a strategy that's longer term than the event itself.

I'm glad to hear about your husband. A history of alcoholism in the family is one of my reasons...

When my husband and I would go to our local before we moved, I would just order Coke.  As long as you buy the round when it's your turn, after the initial surprise, I don't think they'll really care what you're having.  They might even appreciate that your drink is cheaper!


Edited to add:  As for the water cooler talk the next day... it will likely have been forgotten by then.  They'll all have been drinking, you see. 

No one really cares what/whether someone else is drinking.   As jfkimberley said, as long as you buy your round, it's a complete non-issue, and nothing to be nervous about.  There's not really any need for a 'strategy'. 

This is an issue in the industry I'm in too, between not being able to partake in food days or drink it's been ... isolating. It happens in the US too. I'm definitely concerned but that's part of why I'm hoping to find remote work. My husband is out to lunch and drinking with his work mates fairly regularly. If their US boss is in town they have to go out for drinks with him and it's usually many rounds. But I think since for me it's a medical reason they might not care too much if you say no thanks.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't not drink, but I don't drink that much either (i.e. I usually have only a couple of drinks a month). I'm also usually driving to and from social events, so I often end up not being able to drink anyway, even if I wanted to.

I've never found it an issue before - I just say I'm having a Coke or whatever, and no one says a thing.

Don't be put off by work invites involving the word 'Drinks' though... that's usually just standard wording for 'a social event after work, usually in a pub'. Also, just because it's in a pub, it doesn't mean you have to drink alcohol - many pubs are kid-friendly and will be used to catering for non-drinkers.

I did a work placement at my company HQ a couple of years ago, and the first week, my supervisor sent round an email inviting everyone to the pub after work... only a few of us actually had an alcoholic drink because most of us were driving.

I don't ever think anyone bats an eye at a person getting a non-alcoholic drink. Not that I've seen, anyways and I live in Scotland.

You're getting more and more non-alcoholic mocktail and well thought out drinks these days too on menus, lots of decent non-alcoholic wine and beer too now popping up.  I drank a Seedlip Spice and tonic drink the other day and it was really tasty.  Of course, a ginger beer, a coke, a tea, or a glass of water, or nothing are fine too.  This is probably a combination of tightening drink driving laws and just 'clean' living. 

Well, that's interesting!  I say it can be a huge deal and other people say it's no big deal.  I think the main difference is the company culture.  Some places are certainly more hard drinking than others.

As usual, wise KSAND nails it with her observation that  "Drinks" in the subject line does not always mean a bender.

I read that alcohol consumption is falling fast amongst the young - but increasing amongst the older folk.

One aspect of British culture I'm a bit nervous about is the drinking, as I'm a teetotaler. In particular, I'm already anticipating pressure or exclusion based on the fact that I've received no less than three invites to work-related events that all have "drinks" in the **subject line**. And I haven't even landed yet. I'd put it down to the holidays, but I know better.

Now, two things to understand up front:
1. I knew what I was getting into. I get it.
2. I have NO problem being around those that are drinking. It's quite entertaining. I just choose not to drink alcohol myself. While I don't mind being offered drinks and turning them down, getting harassed about it--or worse, getting excluded in a passive-aggressive way--would be a problem.

So my succinct question is: what's the best protocol for turning down drinks that won't create embarrassment for anyone? Especially in a business setting?

Not sure about business, or England,  but the Daughter is in Uni in Scotland. She just orders a coke and has had minimal problems with people being pushy about alcohol. The few times someone has done so, she just says "I am not able to drink alcohol for health reasons" and it gets dropped like a hot rock. She is still invited out and "one of the gang" just the same.

She's also used "I'm the designated driver" and "I'm the designated sober adult"....

Good luck!

[Aside, I'm amazed at how inexpensive a bottle of whisky is here. Holy Frijoles, it's like half of what it cost in the States!]

Whole hearted agree with ksand's observations.  While I'm not teetotal, I'm not a huge drinker and no one has ever cared.  I still get invited to everything.  Just go, smile, drink whatever you feel like drinking and Bob's Your Uncle.

A story from a friend today reminded me why I'm not a huge drinker!     I really don't understand the going out and getting falling down drunk.

And driving home is ALWAYS an easily acceptable reason for not drinking.

Edited to add:  Also, I'm NEVER going to get drunk at something with work people.  While perfectly acceptable here, I just don't go there.  Two drink max for me!

And driving home is ALWAYS an easily acceptable reason for not drinking.

I do find it interesting that there are "acceptable" and also therefore "not-so-acceptable" reasons for not drinking. All reasons should be acceptable.

Well, that's interesting!  I say it can be a huge deal and other people say it's no big deal.  I think the main difference is the company culture.  Some places are certainly more hard drinking than others.

Really interesting Jimbo. 

We actually don't have much of a work culture of 'drinks'. Probably because in the Highlands, folks have to drive home after work and things.  Plenty of 'drinks' culture around though outside of work. And why not, it's great fun!!! 

We do have the occasional leaving drinks and we're having a mega Christmas night out this year across all departments (we pay for this ourselves, there is no office paid Christmas party here) and it should be hilarious. It will be messy, because we're Scottish  , but there will definitely be folks who will be driving, folks who can't drink, folks with kids and don't want to, folks who have to get up early , folks who don't want to spend their Sunday wrecked, whatever.  No one will even care, I am sure.