I regret moving back to the States

I lived in the UK for five and a half years. I moved back to America two months ago. I think I regret it. Maybe it's just the fact that I've had to leave all my friends in the UK. But looking at the state of the US government, all I see is negativity around me and I don't have much hope for this country. I miss being with my friends, I miss being able to walk down to the pub, I miss not having to pay for health insurance. I just really miss the UK. I don't know if this will get any better. I was on indefinite leave to remain, so I have two years to decide whether or not to move back. It's just scary because I know that I'm on the clock; if the two years run out, I don't know how I'd ever qualify for another visa to move back. I initially moved to the UK on a spouse visa, but we got separated (although not legally/formally). My husband and I still talk but I don't know that we'd ever get back together. I just really wish I'd gotten citizenship before moving back home...now I have only less than two short years to make a decision that could really impact the rest of my life, and I don't know what to do. Just take it a day at a time I guess.

I lived in the UK for five and a half years. I moved back to America two months ago. I think I regret it. Maybe it's just the fact that I've had to leave all my friends in the UK. But looking at the state of the US government, all I see is negativity around me and I don't have much hope for this country. I miss being with my friends, I miss being able to walk down to the pub, I miss not having to pay for health insurance. I just really miss the UK. I don't know if this will get any better. I was on indefinite leave to remain, so I have two years to decide whether or not to move back. It's just scary because I know that I'm on the clock; if the two years run out, I don't know how I'd ever qualify for another visa to move back. I initially moved to the UK on a spouse visa, but we got separated (although not legally/formally). My husband and I still talk but I don't know that we'd ever get back together. I just really wish I'd gotten citizenship before moving back home...now I have only less than two short years to make a decision that could really impact the rest of my life, and I don't know what to do. Just take it a day at a time I guess.

If I were you, honestly, I'd move back now, get citizenship and be done with it. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be and the longer you'll have to commit to stay in order to qualify.
I can't see the fact that you didn't get citizenship bothering you less as time goes by, it's likely always going to bother you if you don't.

And it sounds like you were happier in the UK in any case, so why not just go back for that reason alone? 

Oh Tommy25, I totally understand!

I moved to the UK back in late 1995 to marry my English husband. I had two of my children in England, I owned a home, had my dearest friends, a business and my entire future there.

My husband lost it all in the Telecoms crash of 2000. He was unemployed from 2002-2004. We burned through our savings and had no choice but to leave the UK and return to the US in 2004.

We've been homeless and started over since then and we've lived ok but we desperately want to move back to England. We've been back for nearly 14 years but we've not really settled. We want to go "home". I never got my citizenship and now I have to go through hoops to return and qualify for it again. I just want to go "home".

Learn from me and take Larrabee's advice, go back and get your citizenship!!


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My like button is still broken, but if it wasn't, I would like both larrabee's post and lorenausuk's.  Go back for your citizenship.  Do it now, before your life gets too close to settled in the US.  You haven't been back to the US long enough for that to be too comfortable yet, so it's not as hard now to leave to get citizenship.  After you get that sorted, you can have the rest of your life to make a decision about where you want to be, and you can change your mind more easily.  But don't let yourself miss this opportunity.  It would be tragic.

You sound like you are suffering from reverse culture shock.  When you move to another culture, you have ups and downs where you are either having a good time or not fitting in and feeling homesick.  At first, everything is a fun adventure but then about two months in, you have a down cycle.  From then on the cycles can be mapped like a sign wave that gets gentler over time. 

The freaky bit is that when you go back home, you get the same feelings in a mirror image.  That puts you right in the time for a big low period.  Over time it will get better and become gentler again. 

I hope this knowledge helps you understand what is happening and good luck whatever you do.

My like button is still broken, but if it wasn't, I would like both larrabee's post and lorenausuk's.  Go back for your citizenship.  Do it now, before your life gets too close to settled in the US.  You haven't been back to the US long enough for that to be too comfortable yet, so it's not as hard now to leave to get citizenship.  After you get that sorted, you can have the rest of your life to make a decision about where you want to be, and you can change your mind more easily.  But don't let yourself miss this opportunity.  It would be tragic.

My thoughts exactly all around...And this is the same reasoning why everybody who is returning back to the US (whether divorce or something else) and asking if it's worth it to get their UK Citizenship is met with a "if you can afford it, just do it and be done with it". Just getting it done with (if it's within your budget) will put you at ease and will give you all the time in the world to make whatever decision you want in terms of where to let your roots grow.

My thoughts exactly all around...And this is the same reasoning why everybody who is returning back to the US (whether divorce or something else) and asking if it's worth it to get their UK Citizenship is met with a "if you can afford it, just do it and be done with it". Just getting it done with (if it's within your budget) will put you at ease and will give you all the time in the world to make whatever decision you want in terms of where to let your roots grow.

I'd actually go so far as to say, even if it is outwith your budget, try to find some way to make it happen. Think of it as an investment in your future.

I'd actually go so far as to say, even if it is outwith your budget, try to find some way to make it happen. Think of it as an investment in your future.

Oh I would totally agree with that personally, but I think the one message that stands across the board is to go for it. Some people take financials into consideration and others don't. I totally think it's worthwhile.

I would move back asap. I too regret moving back to the US and basically regretted it right away. 2.5+ years later I still regret it and hope to move back soon.

Yup, me too!
I moved to the UK in 2005, then to Canada in 2012. DH said he always wanted to live in America, but we couldn’t afford the health insurance....
and I’m also Canadian, so, well you see. Neither of us had lived in Canada before.

I HATE Canada. Vancouver is extremely expensive, and no one wants you to be their friend. Boring. Very isolated, in mind and spirit. Even though I went to University here and earned yet another degree and quickly found well paid work, and DH did even better I in terms of employment.  I’ve never settled, not even close. I’ve  never stopped pining for the UK. I for sure  feel more British than Canadian. I’m a citizen, but I’m not Canadian....

Anyway, after five years in Canada DH’s step daughter committed suicide. He started to think about friends and family, and how face time maybe isn’t enough. Our house was worth a lot more than we paid for it, so we sold and are off back to the UK this spring.

I am over the moon!!!

So I know exactly how you feel. Being in Canada almost destroyed my marriage, and even though DH has finally said yes, our relationship isn’t what it used to be.

Home is where you feel complete, where you belong.

Some of us are just born in two places, my body  in the US, but my heart in England!

Yup, me too!
I moved to the UK in 2005, then to Canada in 2012. DH said he always wanted to live in America, but we couldn’t afford the health insurance....
and I’m also Canadian, so, well you see. Neither of us had lived in Canada before.

I HATE Canada. Vancouver is extremely expensive, and no one wants you to be their friend. Boring. Very isolated, in mind and spirit. Even though I went to University here and earned yet another degree and quickly found well paid work, and DH did even better I in terms of employment.  I’ve never settled, not even close. I’ve  never stopped pining for the UK. I for sure  feel more British than Canadian. I’m a citizen, but I’m not Canadian....

Anyway, after five years in Canada DH’s step daughter committed suicide. He started to think about friends and family, and how face time maybe isn’t enough. Our house was worth a lot more than we paid for it, so we sold and are off back to the UK this spring.

I am over the moon!!!

So I know exactly how you feel. Being in Canada almost destroyed my marriage, and even though DH has finally said yes, our relationship isn’t what it used to be.

Home is where you feel complete, where you belong.

Some of us are just born in two places, my body  in the US, but my heart in England!

Thanks for this Abercroft! I sometimes wonder if I am crazy for wanting to go back. Why can't I be just fine where I am? It is nice to know that I am not alone.

I can completely relate to this!  I moved to the UK in 1998 and lived there with my husband and two kids until 2005. We have been in Cali ever since and I have been dreaming of the day we go back to the UK. That day is coming - applying for Spouse Visa in November (yay!) - but it has been a long process of scrimping and saving and chopping and changing our plans. Plus the knowledge that come August I will be separated from my entire family as my daughter and husband will be heading over to join my son who has been living there with my MIL for nearly a year already.

Although it hasn't been all gloom and doom, I have often said that I wish we had never come back. However, at the time, my husband and I made a deal that if we made the move to the States, it wouldn't be permanent. All I can say is thank goodness we're going back. The UK has always felt more like home to me.

One thing I can tell you is that I will forever regret not getting my citizenship before leaving the UK in 2005.  I had an ILR and was eligible at the time, but didn't realize the ILR was not, in fact, indefinite so I didn't see a reason for it. To think, I could have avoided all this Spouse Visa malarkey if I had just done a little research! Completely agree that the smart move is to go back and get your citizenship then you are free to go back and forth as much as you like.

I just wanted to check back in with anyone who may be following this thread. I'm just three weeks short of my one year anniversary of moving back to the States. Reading this thread is weird. I remember feeling how I felt when I wrote the original post, but my goodness, so much has changed.

I feel comfortable in the US. I still think about the UK and miss it all the time. But not in a longing-to-go-back sort of way. More like, I look at my time there with fondness and a sort of bittersweetness. I am glad I stuck it out and gave myself time to adjust here, rather than panicking and throwing all my money towards moving back to the UK and getting citizenship. I still have one year until my ILR runs out, but I really don't see myself ever returning to the UK to live. To visit? Of course. But I have no doubts that my life has become infinitely better since moving back home. I have found so much happiness and have grown and progressed so much as a person since coming back. Some days, I miss the UK more than others. Sometimes I'll have a random memory pop up; something obscure about the UK may come into my head and I'll get a little gloomy thinking about it. But when I go to sleep at night, I always feel at peace with where my life is heading, as well as where it's taken me to this point. I have no plans to move back and get my citizenship. I feel at peace.

Glad you've started to settle in a bit more and feel more comfortable back in the US

Wishing you all the best!

Wonderful update Tommy!!!!!  So very pleased for you that you are in a happy place again.