Author Topic: Moving and how it affects the kids  (Read 406 times)

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Offline sjb2016

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Moving and how it affects the kids
« on: February 07, 2018, 12:42:01 PM »
Hi All,

We currently live in Bedford (about an hour north of London). We have the opportunity to move to Manchester into a bigger house, mortgage free. My partner was given the house when her parents retired to Scotland.

Anyway, I hate my job and being mortgage free would certainly make experimenting with different careers more feasible. However, the concern are the kids. We've got an 8 year old, a 5 year old and an 8 month old. The schools in the area of Manchester we'd be moving to aren't as well rated as those in Bedford. So there is that concern, but also the concern about the kids adjusting and making new friends.

Neither my partner nor myself moved as children, although combined we've lived in 6 different countries as adults and traveled to many more. We're just very concerned about how the potential move would affect the kids. I presume most of you on this board have had to deal with this, so was wondering what your experiences have been.

Do kids that age adjust easily? Were there any big problems adjusting? This would be a permanent move so could offer the kids that certainty. Suppose I'm also concerned that when they ask why, I don't have a good reason as neither my partner nor I have a job offer to move for.

Thanks in advance for any of your thoughts!

Offline KFdancer

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2018, 12:59:43 PM »
I haven't moved with kids (nor did I move as a kid), but I do have kids.  This is my 2p:

When asked why you moved you could always simply say "quality of life".  That's a good enough answer!  :)

I would look at the schools but I wouldn't be too concerned about how they are "on paper".  I take Ofsted into account - but I don't think it's the end all, be all.  If your kids apply themselves and you advocate for their education, they'll do well anywhere.  You can always cross that bridge when you get to it.

We plan to decide if we are going to stay in the UK for the long haul or try life in the USA when my daughter (who will be 4 in April) starts senior school.  Or at any point before.  So no, I personally think your kids are good ages to move and will be able to adapt easily.

A lot of this will depend on how your kids are as individuals.  My daughter is shy until she gets to know people.  But she gets there in the end and enjoys herself.  Just takes a bit of time to warm up.  :)

Offline camoscato

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2018, 01:06:40 PM »
My family moved around when I was a kid (my dad was in the Air Force). I switched schools after kindergarten (age 5), after 2nd grade (7), after 5th grade (10), and after 6th grade (11). I don't remember having strong feelings about the moves when I was 5 and 7, and although I was upset about moving when I was 10, I was used to it by that point, and adapted easily to my new school.

The last move was the hardest one, because many of the kids at my new school seemed - from my perspective - to have grown into cliques that they would stay in throughout junior high and high school, and it was hard to fit in with anyone.

So if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't worry too much about the 5 year old, and while I'd expect the 8 year old to be upset, I'd also expect him/her to adapt quickly. Obviously you know your kids better than anyone, so you probably have a better idea of how the 8 year old will react.

As for what to say when they ask why, I'd just tell them the truth. Living in a bigger house means more space for everyone, and being free from mortgage payments means there will be more money for other things, as well as the possibility for you and your partner to find jobs you like. All of those reasons make perfect sense.

Offline jimbocz

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2018, 01:06:51 PM »
I'd agree with KFDANCER, you don't have to explain yourself to your kids.  A simple "We are moving because we'll like it better up there. You will like it better also " will suffice. My opinion of course.

Offline sjb2016

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2018, 01:57:53 PM »
I'd agree with KFDANCER, you don't have to explain yourself to your kids.  A simple "We are moving because we'll like it better up there. You will like it better also " will suffice. My opinion of course.

I reckon my 8 year old wouldn't ask the question, but my 5 year old would demand answers. Then she'd ask if she could have a sweet.

Thanks everyone for your replies. They are appreciated. When selecting the school we obviously considered OfSted, but actually went out of catchment to just a "Good" school because we liked their (slightly) more relaxed structure. We do try to advocate for their education, and I do feel that's going to matter much more than what Ofsted say. Where I grew up, middle of nowhere upstate New York, all the school districts in the areas had one elementary, one middle and one high school, so there was no comparing, unless you were willing to move.

Ultimately, I think the biggest stumbling block is my own fear of the unkown, so I need to work on that as well.

Any more thoughts, most welcome.

Offline KFdancer

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2018, 02:02:22 PM »
Other thoughts:

1.  Could you sell the house in Manchester and use that money to achieve that better quality of life where you are now?

2.  Is there a backup plan if you were to hate the move?  I always feel better knowing there is a way out if needed.

Offline sjb2016

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2018, 03:58:13 PM »
Other thoughts:

1.  Could you sell the house in Manchester and use that money to achieve that better quality of life where you are now?

2.  Is there a backup plan if you were to hate the move?  I always feel better knowing there is a way out if needed.

Well, that's the choice really, do we sell the house in Manchester or move into it. My partner hates being a landlord, so it's either move in or sell. No real backup plan, I suppose. Selling the house in Bedford would likely return a nice profit, even after paying off the existing mortgage so that could form part of a back up plan.

Offline AweSam

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2018, 04:13:54 PM »
I moved a bit as a kid - 3 different elementary schools - until age 10. I never had problems nor did my brother (2 years younger) at that age. Kids are adaptable. My parents never tried to justify the moves but just informed us and we went along with it.

Now, when my parents tried to move when I was 16 during the summer before my senior year I threw an absolute fit. Eventually they didn’t do it and I’m probably partly to blame for that.

Also, curious, whereabouts in middle of nowhere upstate NY are you from? I’m from there too!



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Offline sjb2016

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2018, 04:33:06 PM »
Now, when my parents tried to move when I was 16 during the summer before my senior year I threw an absolute fit. Eventually they didn’t do it and I’m probably partly to blame for that.

Also, curious, whereabouts in middle of nowhere upstate NY are you from? I’m from there too!


My mother did get moved the summer before her senior year. Not that she's ever mentioned it ;) 

Middle of nowhere upstate New York for me is West Winfield. About 20 minutes south of Utica and an and hour eastish of Syracuse. How about yourself? If you're from Lowville or Gouverneur or similar, I appreciate that you don't really consider "20 minutes south of Utica" to be proper upstate, in which case I'm from Central New York ;)

Offline AweSam

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2018, 05:45:18 PM »
My mother did get moved the summer before her senior year. Not that she's ever mentioned it ;) 

Middle of nowhere upstate New York for me is West Winfield. About 20 minutes south of Utica and an and hour eastish of Syracuse. How about yourself? If you're from Lowville or Gouverneur or similar, I appreciate that you don't really consider "20 minutes south of Utica" to be proper upstate, in which case I'm from Central New York ;)

Haha I know the Utica area well from years of ice hockey in and around the area! I’m from Horseheads down by Ithaca.


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Offline margo

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2018, 10:56:41 PM »
I moved a lot as a kid, at those ages it's pretty easy to make friends and adapt. I think as long as you'd be happy with the move they would be fine.

And it's funny how small the world is. I spent a bunch of time in horseheads as a kid with my grandparents who lived in Sayre PA :)

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Offline Nan D.

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2018, 09:04:42 AM »
You've got the age thing in your favor. If they were teenagers, it would be hella-different. 

Question - If you don't care for the schools, can you not home-school? Or do both of you need to work outside the home? I would think being mortgage-free would be a great opportunity for one of you to be home with the kiddies while they are young. You know, the "raise them yourself instead of contracting out to others" thing?
« Last Edit: February 08, 2018, 12:19:30 PM by Nan D. »

Offline sjb2016

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2018, 11:19:36 AM »
Feel like I've probably been to Horsehead myself. We used to take NY 17 (before it became a proper interstate) to get out to Jamestown where my parents had friends. We would probably sometimes take 81 to Binghamton then go west, but other times we probably took Route 13 to get to 17. Anyway, I digress, but to digress further, my mother once forwarded me an email like "You're from Utica if..." and one of the items was "You go on vacation to Binghamton". We did that ;)

As far as the home schooling suggestion, we're considering that. The school in Manchester would have space for my eldest but not the 5 year old. Plus, we're both inclined to want to at least try homeschooling, but our eldest was so keen to go to school we didn't feel we could make it work. A few years on, she does well and has good friends, but she finds it boring generally. So, that is on the table as well.

My partner is a stay at home mother, but would like to go back to work at some point (kind of). Currently, my job is tied to an office although it shouldn't really have to be (I write manuals for software). We would like to get my partner a pension pot started with proceeds from any house sale, but even so, there would likely be at least double my current gross salary available for other things (like not working for a while :)  ). So honestly, we're spoilt for choice, except neither my partner or I are very good at taking decisions!

Offline Nan D.

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Re: Moving and how it affects the kids
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2018, 01:01:54 PM »
Oh, nice! Good for you!  Enjoy that.  :)