It's hard to relocate. It is hard to leave family and friends and all things familiar and to travel to a foreign land. Yes, we speak the same language - but so many times it means something different. We arrive on a wave of love for our spouses but after the wave has landed on the beach, what do you do then?
OK, I'm a Brit so you may think I have no clue how hard it is but twenty years ago, as a single woman, I went to live and work in Saudi Arabia. At that time (things have changed now) we had our passports taken off us at the airport, were not allowed mobile phones, or cameras and no access to the internet. Newspapers were heavily censored with a black marker pen. I was put in a one bedroom apartment and there was no TV access. The fact that I lasted 20 years means that I must have developed some survival skills.
The first thing I did was to make myself comfortable in the apartment. I had all the basics but I got myself a radio which made life a bit more bearable. For me it meant I could tune in to the BBC. Familiar accents always help. And I would have little indulgences. I had taken a rather nice teapot and cup (well, I am British, after all) and I can remember making myself a pot of hot chocolate and watching a thunderstorm out of the window - on halloween.
I was working so had some form of contact during the day. I accepted any invitation that came my way. If someone offered to take me to a town nearby to do some shopping - I would go. Women couldn't drive and the only transportation, apart from company buses, were taxis. The problem was that if you got a taxi to a local town, you may not be able to get one back. So any offer was gratefully received.
There were a few things I began to realise. I was not going to make a BFF. My goal was to have someone I could go for coffee with.
I also realised that no one was going to come to me so I had better get out there and start making contacts. And if you do swap numbers or emails or whatever - then follow up with a quick phone call or an email or whatever.
When I returned to the UK with my husband I worried about him settling in. But it was me who found it hard - and I am the Brit! Hubby took driving lessons - and became friends with the driving instructor. Hubby joined a choir - resulting in us being invited to barbecues and social events. We went to a wine tasting night - and swapped contact details with people we were chatting to and I then followed up with an email and can build on that. Another wine tasting (we love our wine!) we swapped contact details with a couple and they came round for the evening the following week and I have seen them since on my own. We had workmen round to enclose our garden so our many cats wouldn't run off - we are in contact with the workmen who have popped in for a cup of tea. Note, these contacts are from scratch.
No, it is not easy. Yes you will feel isolated. Yes the advice is to join clubs etc. But think about the clubs you are joining. Look for one that flows over after the event. A club/class or whatever that ends up with coffee and cake gives you time to socialise and build up your contacts. The church round the corner will often have coffee mornings or something where you actually talk to another human. And if you go to a class then there is nothing wrong with throwing it out there at the end - "Does anyone fancy a coffee?"
The goal is to make one acquaintance you can have coffee with. That was my mantra.
The saying is that when you go to university you spend the first year making all sorts of friends and the next few years trying to get rid of the ones you don't want to be friends with.
Make yourself comfortable - as I did with my radio in Saudi. A little indulgence does you good.
Make a career out of making contacts. Volunteer, attend classes, go along to events. Talk to people.
Make a career out of finding things that you are familiar with. Have a look on Amazon, have a look on the internet, find out what is on offer in the supermarkets. Are there any substitutes you can find - have fun trying them.
Last Thanksgiving we invited a couple of family and friends round and cooked a turkey etc. They enjoyed it, and so did we. They had no clue what Thanksgiving was all about and some of the food was a first time for them. But it was all good. We will do it again this year.
Settling in doesn't just happen. You have to go out and grab it by the ears and wrestle it to the ground.
I am looking forward to other people's tips on how to survive.
