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Topic: Lost my nephew  (Read 362 times)

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Lost my nephew
« on: August 19, 2018, 10:53:07 AM »
Hi just lost my 27 year old nephew in America due to a car crash. Not gonna be able to make it over to America for the memorial service. I haven’t really been a part of his life for the past 5 years as it’s been awhile since I visited the US. I was a major part of his life from birth til he was about 12 then i emigrated and didn’t see much of him. It’s times like these that I find it so hard living away as if I was there I would have been more a part of his life. His life was cut way too short. It was such a shock when it happened and it scared me from driving. I’ve had a couple of bad dreams about it lately.  I feel sad about it and it’s hard to not be able to support family when u are so so far away
My home for 17 years since June 2002.  Married February 2003. Became a citizen 2004.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2018, 11:02:30 AM »
I am so so sorry.  Big hugs!

A lot of places have the ability to Skype memorials now.  Is that an option?  I know that helped my cousin a lot when she wasn’t able to attend our grandmothers funeral.

Take all the time you need to grieve.  Big big hugs!


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2018, 12:22:33 PM »
I am so sorry to hear that! I know how hard it is to leave a nephew back on the states.

As KF said you might be able to see it on Skype or another service if it's available.
The usual. American girl meets British guy. They fall into like, then into love. Then there was the big decision. The American traveled across the pond to join the Brit. And life was never the same again.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2018, 12:28:25 PM »
So sorry for your loss Blondshania.
March 28th 2013-Moved to UK, husband on spouse visa.Oct 20th 2015-Applied by mail for FLR(M).Feb 1st 2016 FLR(M).March 7th 2018 ILR. YAY! March 21st NCS&JCAP appointment.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2018, 12:40:45 PM »
I wish there was something to say that would lessen the grief, but there really isn't anything that I know of. If it's important to you that you be in close contact with his immediate family to let them know you are "there" with them, I certainly wouldn't think phoning would not be the next best thing, just so you can hear each others' voices. Sometimes just hearing the familiar voice helps?

So sorry to hear of your loss.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2018, 01:15:42 PM »
I am so sorry to hear about your nephew.

I was in the States when my sister died (in the UK) and I missed her funeral and I know this must be such a hard time for you. 

It is important that you are able to grieve too as well as the family that are there.  For me it felt very unreal because no one around me knew her.

I would suggest that whenever you get chance, talk to people about your nephew.  If there is a bereavement group nearby, then pop along for a cup of tea.

If you can't share your nephew's memorial/funeral, then create your own time for remembrance (a beautiful flower in a vase, raise a glass to him, play his favourite piece of music - whatever you feel is right).


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2018, 03:56:56 PM »
Thanks for your responses I think I feel some guilt for not being a part of his life the past few years since I live so far away. I like the idea of having my own memorial here in the UK and remembering him in my own way
My home for 17 years since June 2002.  Married February 2003. Became a citizen 2004.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2018, 07:19:49 PM »
I think when you lose someone there are so many emotions going round, guilt being one of them.  We all feel guilty over something.

You may not have been "in his life" but you were still there and I am sure he knew that.

How many times have people sat by someones bedside for days only to leave to go to the bathroom and find the person gone when they return?
Should they feel guilty over that - no, of course not, but often they do.

Try and box the guilt off - it isn't needed at this time.  Focus on what you will do for his memorial.


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Re: Lost my nephew
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2018, 12:44:59 PM »
I am so incredibly sorry.  So hard when you're far away. Lots of good advice on here.   I love the idea of your own memorial ceremony. 
I've never gotten food on my underpants!
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