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Topic: Moving... again.  (Read 1994 times)

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Moving... again.
« on: February 03, 2019, 05:15:48 PM »
My husband has been offered a job 2.5 hours from where we've just bought a house. This means we will likely have to rent something closer to where he's working in addition to having our new home. The thought of maintaining two households completely stresses me out. I appreciate that it's a bigger salary and there's a lot of scope for professional development, but it's just too much. Last year we were in a situation where he was commuting 7.5 hours twice a week and I was left alone for 5 days per week. It was like solitary confinement. I hated it and I was really depressed for most of last year. To top it off, my MIL said that I just have to go wherever he goes. That's what she did with her husband.  :o

We definitely have a traditional marriage for the most part. I don't think that means I have to just shut up and do whatever he says though. Anyone who knows me can attest that it's not actually possible for me to keep my mouth shut about my feelings!! Maybe I am being unreasonable and we should "go where the money is" for now. I'm just having flashbacks to last year when I was so upset and needed to vent a bit about it!


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Re: Moving... again.
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2019, 06:28:18 PM »
My husband has been offered a job 2.5 hours from where we've just bought a house. This means we will likely have to rent something closer to where he's working in addition to having our new home. The thought of maintaining two households completely stresses me out. I appreciate that it's a bigger salary and there's a lot of scope for professional development, but it's just too much. Last year we were in a situation where he was commuting 7.5 hours twice a week and I was left alone for 5 days per week. It was like solitary confinement. I hated it and I was really depressed for most of last year. To top it off, my MIL said that I just have to go wherever he goes. That's what she did with her husband.  :o

We definitely have a traditional marriage for the most part. I don't think that means I have to just shut up and do whatever he says though. Anyone who knows me can attest that it's not actually possible for me to keep my mouth shut about my feelings!! Maybe I am being unreasonable and we should "go where the money is" for now. I'm just having flashbacks to last year when I was so upset and needed to vent a bit about it!

Oh, no! Don't listen to MIL. You do what you need to do! And if that means staying home while he rents a pied-à-terre, so be it.
Perhaps you could volunteer or take up some new hobbies to stave off the isolation.

If you decide the move would be the better option, could you rent out your primary residence? I realise that would entail a change to the mortgage but this sort of thing must happen all the time.

Or, how do you both feel about him not taking this job? What are the chances of him getting something similar that's commutable?

It's tough. You've got a lot of thinking to do!  :)


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Re: Moving... again.
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2019, 07:25:31 PM »
I think a lot of folks here can relate to this stress :( I can't imagine moving after just buying a house. Your MIL is wrong, and your husband should make this decision with you. Would the additional income be more than the cost of an additional apartment rented near the job? It's unfortunate that more employers here arent into the "remote workforce" idea given how challenging commutes can be.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk



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Re: Moving... again.
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2019, 07:51:20 PM »
@larrabee We can't rent our primary residence for two years. He could easily find something closer to the house, it's more about the extra money and professional development. I understand that and I'm happy for him, I just don't want to live apart like we did last year!  ;/



@margo The additional income is enough that we would be substantially better off even with our mortgage and rental. I really do see where he's coming from on that aspect. I also don't understand the lack of remote working! He's in IT and manages offshore teams so why couldn't he do that here?  ::)


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Re: Moving... again.
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2019, 09:50:36 AM »
this is a toughy, had to do this first time we were here back in 2000, i was working away in London all week, would leave sunday morn at 4 am and come back friday midnight, my poor wife was left with a 4 year old and another on the way and a gravely ill mother. In the end I had to quit and take something that paid less but was very close to home.
Money is nice to have, but family is even nicer  :o


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