Resistance from spouse

Hey, az, you know I know just where you're coming from.

I just wanted to refer back to the thread WebyJ referred to though - if I remember correctly, the OP there was a man, and the attitude to him seemed to be to suck it up too, even though HE was the one who gave up the job, the previous life, etc...there sometimes does seem to be a double standard...

Anyway, my opinion stands...there needs to be compromise.  If me and my DH couldn't swing a move back to the US, we'd work hard to make a move from here in Birmingham.  I sometimes think that's most of his problem - he doesn't like living in a city (even though he's the city boy and I'm the country girl!).  But, a good compromise for us is a smaller town not to far from a bigger city.  In the end, as much as I love my life in England, I love him too and like our relationship.  He's happy with our relationship as well, and that's the important thing, that we find a place that makes us both happy...I'm just nervous about a hop across the pond in the next year, but we'll play it by ear and see what happens...

AZ, I'm rooting for your little family to be a single unit again soon!

New york new york, hope you and your DH can come to a compromise that works for your family too.

There's no such thing as "compromise" in issues like this.  You cannot equalize the sacrifice from each party.  The only "fair" thing to do would be to live alternate years in either country (not practical) or choose to live in neither country but one where both are foreign.

There's no such thing as "compromise" in issues like this.  You cannot equalize the sacrifice from each party.  The only "fair" thing to do would be to live alternate years in either country (not practical) or choose to live in neither country but one where both are foreign.

You seem to have misunderstood the meaning of the word "compromise." It is not equalization of sacrifice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compromise

And no one here is saying that they need to give exactly equally either.

As a matter of fact, one of the things told to the husband was that he couldn't look at this as a tit-for-tat arrangement.

That is not what is going on here, I don't think. It's not a matter of "I've done all this for us, it's your turn to do the same," it's "I am so unhappy here I can barely stand in. Is there something that could be done about it? And while we're at it, would you mind communicating with me like an adult and a spouse is supposed to do instead of avoiding the issue?" It's about both people needed to do lots of listening and talking and trying to figure things out and even, if it comes to that, drawing lines.

FWIW, I don't think communication vs avoidance is a male/female thing. I certainly would rather avoid issues than have tough discussions about them, and I can't be the only human who prefers to avoid unpleasantness like that. But in a relationship, you sorta lose the right to endlessly put off your partner. You don't endlessly jerk around people you're supposed to love. It's cruel.

well said, MOrt.. well said.. can I  quote you? and use  part of what you said as  my sig?? LMK!! :\\\'(

You seem to have misunderstood the meaning of the word "compromise." It is not equalization of sacrifice.

That's why I put it in quotes. 

well said, MOrt.. well said.. can I  quote you? and use  part of what you said as  my sig?? LMK!! :\\\'(

Aww, you're very sweet. Please feel free to use it as you like.

(If you subsequently write a successful country song out of it, though, I'm retaining my right to royalties. )

That is not what is going on here, I don't think. It's not a matter of "I've done all this for us, it's your turn to do the same," it's "I am so unhappy here I can barely stand in. Is there something that could be done about it?

Maybe I'm misinterpreting the original post but I took the comment in it that  "Well, we've been through green card and giving it up, etc, etc... " to imply that they'd lived in the US then moved to the UK. Assuming that's correct, perhaps some of the husband's resistance - and reluctance to moving without employment - is due to his past experience living there and the knowledge of just how difficult it can be in the US without employment, with the likely lack of health insurance etc?