Ok reallllly need some help here!!!!!!!!

Ok well my husband is british I am american, and we jsut got married, and are moving backto the uk in may. We will be there may 19 and hope fully but not for sure have our stuff there by late may from the shippers. Now for the good news, my rents are not only coming over for a week and a half visit at  the FIRST part of June when we are barely settled, now they are MOVING there too!!!! ASAP!>!!!!
OK I love my rents but honestly I just got married and I want the new adventure and new in laws etc etc for myself!! I dont know how to break it to them as they are super excited, but I dont know when or how, they are really sensitive types. They are planning on getting there via a work visa my mom is a RN with 15 yrs experience ,and my dad as the dependent.  I was happy for them initially cause I do want them there, just maybe after all the dust has settled, say oh, next summer maybe?!
I need advice, I dont know what to do without crushing them? HELP , please  :\\\'(

Wow if it's not pressure enough to settle into a new life abroad , a new life with someone you're gonna spend the rest of your life with. You're gonna have to tell them that's part of being adult ..it's really isn't fair on you to put that kind of pressure even if they can delay their move to 6-12mos down the line. Is the move something they want to do or feel they should do because you're their child? It will be worst if you don't tell them and harbour frustrations against them while there and you take it out on everyone.

How do you know that your parents are moving to the UK to be around you and your husband?  Perhaps they are moving because it is something they want to do for themselves.

I think you should draw up boundaries, such as no visits without a phone call first, but then again, you should have drawn up boundaries when you were all in the US. However, your parents certainly have the right to move wherever they want whenever they want.

I can see why you're so stressed... but can I just ask first... are you sure it will be that easy for them? I'm under the impression that US nurses have to train here for a bit and I'm not sure you can get a work permit if you don't have the training...

But I could be totally wrong on that... if so, sweetpeach's suggestion of boundaries is a good one.

Without knowing the details and background, I'm going out on a limb here to say:

1) is it possible that they are thinking of doing this "right now" but after they sit and think about it for a while, the idea won't seem so great?

2) it will take a bit for Ma to get the work permit, so by the time she does, you may have already settled in and be ready for them to arrive

Either way, I'm sure everything will work out.  Just don't offer to share a house!!

shortly before I was to move my mum kept saying she wanted to move to england and it would be great if we got a flat together ..blah , blah. I sort of discussed with her was it something she wanted to do or something she felt she had to do. I told her the reasons why I wanted to go to England and how hard it would be with going with her ( as I would have to sort things out for the both not just me as she spoke no english at the time) If they are moving because they wanted to then great help them along but as mentioned before set boundaries. If they are moving because they just feel it would be to help you than I suggest talking to them and being upfront about your feelings.

They say they wanna go, they dont feel obligated just because Im their kid, but they are so damn excited about it! I mean come on Im just now married and I really want to be jsut with my husband and his family. Just for a bit, not forever., I dont know exactly how to break it to them gently, they are oh so sensitive types of people. I am not an only child but my older sister is a cold hearted b*tch to everyone and wont talk to them, for some stupid reason, and so essentially I am their only child, but this " only child" is a grown adult!!!
I was excited initially thinking ah well its gonna be next summer or something till they actually get there, but oh no,   its asap according to them!?!  I know sooner rather than later to tell them, but I have no idea how to do that ? any suggestions?
They have no connections, no friends nothing , just me and hubby.
They only said they were going to move after they knew for darn sure we were, ie after I had visa in hand.
I hope for my sake this process takes a while, they seem far too giddy for my taste to move. My mom has the experience, over 15 years. She did the whole CV recruiter thing, she had 35 replies! ?!

Talk to them show them you're grown and just discuss the move

why have they decided to move over ?
where do they plan to live ? will it be one big house or are they thinking of giving you space?

this affect all of your lives so just talk about it

They have decided to move bc they see it as an opportunity and i quote " everyone we love will be in th uk". pretty small family so they think its all over once im gone i guess.. may be not
They plan on coming over june 8-17 to check it all out, look at the hospitals, look at the living situation, maybe talk with the prospective employers, etc. They most certainly are NOT living with me or near me!
We lucked out and our friends dad who is an architect built on his property a small one bed one bath full flat, with garden etc. so his son is living with them while in the summer then goes to swansea for fall term, and he needed a tennant anyhow so we took it! its a really posh area, and I know starting out my rents wont want that area to live in, so no worries there, its just that this was our adventure, not my rents, our big new exciting move, not theirs! I think I sound selfish until I take a good look at the circumstances, and see my parents being crazy as usual.
I think were just gonna have to sit them down and have a talk, then hope to heck their permit stalls, or the house wont sell here in the us for  a bit  or something! lol

ah well you never know when they come over maybe your mum may not like the working conditions or weather or something. If they want to come over and they are not doing it for your sake then sorry to have to say it but they are grown adults    It's not easy if my daughter wanted to move to America I would be slightly sad but she'll be a big girl capable of making her own decisions. I can sometimes see how hard it is as I am the only child and during holidays it can be hard visiting them in America (they live in far away states)

I think even though your mum may have number of years experience she may have to do a conversion course . I know you have to register with the NMC and that can take weeks for you to get your pin number to work in the UK. The hospital has to make sure she is not taking a job away from an equal UK resident (although nursing is a high vacancy post)

good luck

Have your folks ever been to the UK before? If not, is it possible they are getting a one-sided view, based on what you have told them?

They might find that, once they visit, they don't like it at all.

Just playing the devil's advocate here by pointing out that having one's parents living nearby is actually the norm, part of the lifestyle, of that area of the UK.  Go to any shopping area and you see mother-daughter-grandmother groups everywhere.  Seems nice. 

So can you accept your parents' presence as part of the British lifestyle?

Jim

he's right as my husband's family live near each other in Yorks. His mum is offering a house just down the road from where they live but hubs has reservations about it. It's got his advantages and disvantages. When I first had our daughter it would have been nice to have support near by but then again it was great to get settled on your own two feet.

I may be wrong here, but looking at your age, I'm guessing that your parents aren't that much older than me.  And now that their kids are grown up, they're feeling ready for an adventure.  They're not planning on moving in with you, right.  Just moving to the same area.  And the work permit thing isn't going to happen over night.  So, I wouldn't panic just yet.  Wait for them to visit, have a look 'round, and see how the whole visa thing goes.  You might find that you miss having them around. 

Just playing the devil's advocate here by pointing out that having one's parents living nearby is actually the norm, part of the lifestyle, of that area of the UK. Go to any shopping area and you see mother-daughter-grandmother groups everywhere. Seems nice.

So can you accept your parents' presence as part of the British lifestyle?

Jim

My father-in-law is hoping to retire soon and I'm scouting out appropriate houses for them to move to pretty much around the block from us!  I cannot wait for them to be closer - right now we're in Kent and they're in Essex.

Getting my mother to move over as well would just be icing on the cake.