I came to get information, and I mostly stay now to give information. I base my friendships on a bit more than whether I happened to be born on the same continent as someone...
Ditto, except that at this stage I’m probably more of a getter of information than a giver.
Maybe it's very useful for Londoners in getting to know the place, but there are just not enough members in other places to be effective.
What? There are plenty of people outside London here, myself included. Perhaps the fact that we’ve got a poster with the screen name Expat in Scotland is a clue.
I certainly didn't mean to be condescending.
If you're like me, the kind of woman whose interests run more to the arts and politics and philosophical questions, the kind who tends to wind up hanging with the men at parties because you enjoy their conversations more, it's not a great place for discussions, yet. If you're interested in the kinds of things the groups of women at a party are discussing, I guess it works.
I don’t know how you could possibly see this as not being condescending.
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I definitely pull less punches than most women do in the phrasing of what I say, always trying to avoid provoking any negative responses or attention, avoiding sticking out. But I grew up in an era where we professional women had to put considerable effort into developing assertive speaking habits, had to work hard to avoid being "invisible" in the sense of the book "Invisible Man" which was about being black. It was certainly necessary for me if I didn't want to get ignored and thought of as not having the courage of my convictions in a scientific discussion. Once I mastered it, I find I like it in myself. That's more what I meant about party conversations. I like forthrightness in others as well as myself and find opinions expressed in ways guaranteed not to offend, especially on the subjects I find most interest in, wimpy (I'd like to use another word but can't think of the right one just now.)
Being forthright does not mean saying things without thinking about whether or not what you are saying is true: “There are no intelligent political discussions on these forums,” isn’t forthright; it’s incorrect.
Here, that's a part of my retreat, since most Brits pull more punches than New Yorkers. Here's a place where I let out those features of my own personality that I sense might not go over well "out there". I'm going to continue being myself here. I hope you will all do the same.
Maybe it's having lived in the Bronx where a witty insult is an art form, even often a competitive sport used to avoid more physical conflict, and if you take offense, you lose.
OK. This is just nonsense. I am from New York City, too. Being a New Yorker doesn’t give me the right to be insulting and condescending and to speak/write without thinking (which you must have been doing if you didn’t understand that your post would have been interpreted as condescending.) Saying “I’m from somewhere else” isn’t an excuse for bad manners.
If I push my way in front of a queue in Sainsbury’s, then shout to the cashier “Can I get some friggin service over here?!!”, I can’t then argue that nobody has a right to criticize my behavior because I’m American, so I’m supposed to be loud and pushy. Thoughtless behavior is thoughtless behavior.
Sometimes simply changing the subject is the best way to avoid nasty, ugly blowups.
And there is no reason why someone can't unhijack the thread back to its original subject. So no one is preventing anyone from posting on the original controversial subject. (Unless the mods lock the thread.)
I don't ever recall saying that anybody here was incapable of holding an intellectual stimulating conversation.
You said that most women don’t have intellectually stimulating conversations. Since many of the people here are women . . .
But for a lot of folks, perhaps a majority here, they prefer to do that without causing any offense, controversy, or upset.
I’m not sure if you are talking about discussing controversial subjects, such as politics or religion, in which case there are definitely people willing to debate on those topics. (I don’t tone down my opinions on controversial issues, and I don’t think anyone should be afraid to express a strong and/or unpopular opinion.)
Or if you are talking about upsetting people via personal insults, condescending behavior, etc. I’d like to think that most people are considerate of other people’s feelings, even in a situation where they disagree with them intellectually.
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