Loneliness...

How do you deal with loneliness?

I've found that it's not easy to make close friends here. I just got back from 2 wonderful weeks in the US with my family, etc, which completely restored my happiness and confidence. Now that I'm back, although I like it here, the loneliness is creeping up on me again, especially since my DF returns to work tomorrow... and once again he has his close network of family and friends closeby to talk to again, and once again I have nobody. I feel so isolated most of the time.

Class doesn't even start until the 19th, and the thought of having to meet a classful of new British/Scottish people makes me nervous, especially since I had such bad experiences at the last uni I went to last year. Help. 

Attitude is everything.  If you come across as timid or afraid, people aren't going to make the effort to get to know you.  Be open, friendly, talk to people you don't know at school and ask people to go out for a drink after class or to meet up in the library. 

Didn't you make any friends at your old uni?  Email or ring them up to get together.  People don't know you're lonely unless you reach out to them. 

I get lonely too.  I've moved to a new town and don't know anyone here except colleagues.  It takes time to get to know people so cut yourself some slack. 

Does your DF have any friends with girlfriends or wives you could hang out with?

What about joining a group you are interested in? The picture in my avatar is myself doing historic dancing, something I love. All of the groups were on holiday during the summer, but the events start again this week. I am hoping to meet bunches of people at the events, and have even met some online already.

I do know how you feel H. I've been here 5 years almost and still fight this to varying degrees. And not to be rude to the above suggestions b/c there is no reason they won't work... but for me, they haven't yet. All you can do is keep trying.

I had better luck when I was in Uni (though all the friends I met weren't British - but that's another thread!). Now it has more to do with living off the beaten path and not having the time or money to try more things.

Fingers crossed that this time around you'll get a much better bunch at your Uni!

Honeybee have you signed up for NUS ...national  union of students?? there will be freshers fayres and student union info for you to join in ...try becoming a student rep if you like or how about getting involved in a charity that you feel strongly about...believe me you'll have many chances to meet up with folk ..but as Kristi said atitude can affect your outlook on things.

I'm very much an introvert so I'm not sure that I can offer much useful advice, but sometimes a shift in how you look at things can help.  There's a big difference in being alone (which I quite enjoy) and being lonely (which I hate).  It's hard for me to make new friends so I can sympathize.  I guess what I'd do is start to hang out where the types of people that you would like to be friends with will be.  I've got some great friends I made through church.  Others that I met at my kids' schools.  Some at classes that I've taken.  

Chin up....  

I can completely relate and have been going through the same thing lately. I am usually too busy with the twins to be "lonely" much, but my husband has been working a lot and there has been a lot of stress there so he and I haven't had any alone time either, which has just compounded the problem.

I wish I had some good suggestions, but I don't. The twins go back to school next week. I am able to supply teach T-Th because those are the days they have an after school club, so I am hoping to get out 1-2 times atleast each week. I'm making a commitment to go to the gym or pool every Monday and Friday. I ma not have any close friends from these activities, but atleast I am out talking to adults at times.

Do you work? Even a part-time job may help you.

Good luck!

I felt the same way when I first came over.  I had friends, but they were all through Rich.  Now these friends are great and I am very close to them, but it was not the same as making them myself.  I did end up making great friends when I was working at the Uni.  Two of them I feel really close too and tell everything too.

It just takes a bit of time.  Making friends anywhere is hard.  It will happen

Honeybee, I think once youre back awhile and the homesickness has worn off a bit you will be just fine. I think a lot of us feel the same way after having a nice visit back "home" in the USA. Hang in there! We're always here for you

Honeybee -- I always feel just devastated when I come back from visits to the States, seeing my old friends and my family, etc (yet homesick for what is now home to me, that is -- England)...sometimes I wonder why I put myself through that (lol) -- it just takes me awhile to decompress from the jet lag, general fatigue over traveling (I usually do 4 different states in 2 weeks just to see everyone), and all the emotional issues related to seeing everyone I love so much there & leaving them behind (again).

I tend to feel isolated here too...but then I think about how when I moved from Kansas to Florida (in 1997) -- it took me a good 5 years or so before I really felt settled there with a good group of friends, etc.  I think these things just take time maybe?  The worst here was when I was at home all the time, without a job, here.  Now that I'm working -- even though it's a crap job on the whole -- at least I'm out & about, among people every day.  And any social thing that comes up at the office -- I make a point to at least make an appearance & be social (I may not stay out all evening drinking with the rest but it doesn't hurt me to go for one drink or a soda or something) -- most of the people I work with are considerably younger than me & single, but they are making the initiative to include me so that's nice.  I am also thinking of going to a local book discussion group, and planning to take an evening language class this fall.  We own our home so I do know some of neighbors but they are mostly (quite) elderly ladies, but nice to chat with out in the garden.  I've also made some nice friends locally through UKY who are also Brit-American couples -- which happened because I arranged some get togethers -- and we see them socially on occasion.  Still can't say that I have made any really good close friends of my own here yet...but I guess the main thing is to try & stay as positive as you can & keep trying lots of different things, avenues, etc.

And hey - chin up, it's a different univ this time for you, yeah?  It may be completely different!  (I was so scared starting my job this time around but it -- the people anyway -- have turned out alright. )

I'm very much an introvert so I'm not sure that I can offer much useful advice, but sometimes a shift in how you look at things can help.  There's a big difference in being alone (which I quite enjoy) and being lonely (which I hate).  It's hard for me to make new friends so I can sympathize.  I guess what I'd do is start to hang out where the types of people that you would like to be friends with will be.  I've got some great friends I made through church.  Others that I met at my kids' schools.  Some at classes that I've taken.  

Chin up....  

I agree 100%.  But then, I'm also an introvert. 

I am sorry you feel this way.  I have lived here three years and just now am I starting to feel at home.  It is still hard because my H has his family and friends and I feel I gave up everything.  He always says that his friends are mine and to an extent that is true but I want my own.

Just now am I feeling I am making my own friends.  It just takes time.  Try not to take anything personally and just keep at it.  You will find that everything falls into place. 

I can relate, for some reason it seems like the british girls here don't like me (I've been told by several guys its because they are jealous of american girls,but I dont know if thats the reason or not) So really the only "mates" I have are Dales mates and Dales sister. One of his mates, girlfriend won't even allow him to be in the same house with me,even if Dale is there   I just hope I make mates around here of my own because I'm sure Dale is getting sick of me hanging around with his mates lol

When I moved after college I went through this. I know it isn't easy. I went from sharing a house with 4 people to a city where I knew no one and lived by myself. I was miserable for about a year. But hang in there it gets better. I'm really bad at following up with people so if you meet someone you might like to get to know better then definately call them invite them out for a drink or maybe to study together.