Depressed

Since April of this year me and my boyfriend who I met online have not left each other side. Now that I'm back in America to save money and get the visa stuff sorted, I have to be away from him for at LEAST 4 months!

How can you do this! Please tell me it goes fast! I'm so scared I'm going to loose him , because 4 months is a really really long time! I just want to know all of you got on with it!

Please tell me some good news!!
x

My husband left in April to go back to the UK and prepare for our move.  We have been married for four years.  Anyway, that was 5 and a half months ago.  And I'm leaving on Tuesday!     I'm still alive.  And so is he.  Sometimes the time seemed to go really fast.  And sometimes it just dragged on and on.  But looking back, it wasn't so bad.  It's not the most fun thing in the world, but it's not that bad.  You could have never met him or have no contact with him.

Good luck.  You can make it through.

My DH and I were apart for 5 1/2 months before we got married.  It was hard, but we survived.  Just keep counting down the days and talk to him as much as you can.  Our webcam really helped us a lot!

I won't say it will go quickly because you'll feel like it's dragging at first but keep yourself busy and it won't be so bad. And you wait, once you are together permanently you'll forget all this stuff in no time. I know it is really traumatic at the time but you wil survive it, you will be together. Four months feels like a lifetime now, but is not a long time in the great scheme of things, and I don't know your BF but from what you've said I doubt very much you'll lose him over this.

You'll be ok.  

Thanks everyone! It's so hard, I might just be that this is the first day back here, and I really don't know what to do with myself. It was so hard to sleep last night.

I guess the hardest part is when I talk to him, he doesn't sound sad. I asked him why and he said because he knows he is going to see me again. I wish he could miss me too! I'm crying all the time....I hate it! I know I'm young, we are both 22, thats why I'm scared of him finding someone else while I'm gone. Half of my clothes are over there, and he proposed to me before I left. I know I shouldn't be scared, but I am.

What helps me through it is you guys! The fact that I know that there are other people going through the SAME thing! Thanks for all the advice!!

xx

Yes, it's hard. especially the first few days back home. I cry every time. For the first few months I would have total breakdown moments - i would cry and scream.
You won't lose him...and he's sad too, just in a differnet boy way. He proposed to you before you left- that's huge! I think you know everything's fine- you just have hundreds of things going through your head and your emotions are too crazy to think straight.

It's hard but it will pass. I've gone way longer without being with mine due to financial reasons. The longest we were apart was over a year I think. I just left there in May and it was extremely difficult being home and not being with him. It hurts a little less everyday because life goes on and you work and all that keeps your mind and heart busy. That's the best thing to do is stay busy...occupied. We've been doing this almost 5 years...and we haven't lost eachother yet and I would never expect us too. I doubt you'd lose eachother...stay strong!

The longest period of time I've been apart from my DF is about a year and a month (and we're almost finished!).  Time definitely hasn't flown, but I can tell you that the first two weeks were definitely the hardest.  Like everyone else said, try to keep yourself busy. The four months will be up sooner than you think.

But question for the women though...

The first time you were apart, were you scared at all, that he would give up and find it to be easier to find someone who lives there?

But question for the women though...

The first time you were apart, were you scared at all, that he would give up and find it to be easier to find someone who lives there?

I wasn't worried about that.  I figured if I started playing what-if then I would only end up sabotaging the relationship by picking fights, etc.  You just have to trust him.  We weren't even engaged when we were apart so I think it says a lot that your man has made that step already.

I agree about the trust thing, if you can't trust one another you shouldn't be considering making this permanent. The biggest thing I have learned (the hard way) in my relationship is you have to communicate~ always. If something is bothering you or you have things you want to share.. do it. Leaving things left unsaid is when things get mixed up. I hope four months goes by quickly for you and you find lots to keep you busy. Stay in contact with him as much as you can and share pictures and anything you can to stay feeling close in the meantime! Best of luck to you. 

But question for the women though...

The first time you were apart, were you scared at all, that he would give up and find it to be easier to find someone who lives there?

no...that would have caused me more anxiety and upset after leaving.

But question for the women though...

The first time you were apart, were you scared at all, that he would give up and find it to be easier to find someone who lives there?

Nope.  I just trusted him...and he trusted  me.  I figured if we couldn't do that, then what hope did our relationship have for lasting the rest of our lives? 

Yep, I agree with everyone else. You have to trust that he's completely committed to the relationship no matter how hard being apart is... if you're insecure about the relationship, it's only going to cause problems which makes things even harder.

The first time that we were separated was after I'd lived in the UK for 18 months as an exchange student.  I never once thought that he wasn't coming over to the US.  And I never once thought that he'd cheat on me.  We were soul mates.  We were getting married.  And I knew that.  This past time, we've been married for 4 years.  If I wasn't worried about it while we were engaged, I certainly wasn't going to worry about it now.  Not to say that we didn't have any relationship problems during these separations, but probably no more problems that we would have had we been together.