gift registry dilemas

we are having a dilema!
we are having a very small wedding with just fmaily and friends, so putting together a registry just didn't cross my mind until my dad said we should.  we don't expect many gifts, but forthe close family and friends that want to give them we just arn't sure what to suggest.
we will need a lot of housing needs, but i don't really want to ask for such things as wedding presents because we will probably move back to the US in only a few years and we don't want to accumulate a lot of high quality stuff because it will be expensive and difficult to move back.  i think we should travel light until we get to a place where we know we will stay for several years.

We could use money, but i feel like its a bit tacky to ask for money.

We could use travel gift certificates, though Im not sure what companies issue them and how it works.  Those are really only god for us to visit my family in america, so i wouldn't want to suggest it to his family.

we don't have a honeymoon planned and frankly we just arn't going to have the money for a while - maybe ryanair does gift certificates though so we can plan something for the future?

we want things that are not *things* that we will have to drag around the world with us throughout our lives, but arn't sure how to deal with this situation.  we are perfectly happy to not even expect gifts, but i don't want to end up in a situation where people insist on getting us something special and we end up with a set of champaign flutes that we won't have much use for.

i know this is a bit jumbled because its hard to express what we want.
help!

I'm gonna respond to this even though I only have like one or two not-so-good ideas...

Maybe ask them to make a donation to a charity that's important to you?

Or.. if there's something big you're in desperate need of.. such as a bed or new sofa, maybe they can purchase a gift certificate online for a store there in the UK?

The travel idea sounds like a good one, although I don't know any of the details either so I can't be of much help there.

I think it's probably acceptable to ask for money if you want to.  People will understand and maybe even be grateful that they won't have to come up with an idea themselves.

Money for a honeymoon?  

Ok, I'm out.  I told you they weren't very good

Ooh. thought of another.  Is there a show/concert/play you're really interested in seeing?  Maybe tickets to that?

Lou I'm in that boat with you.  I worried about what to do.  I didn't register as we were moving asap after the wedding.  So I told my family that if others asked to please explain how expensive it would be for us to mail things home to the UK or for them to mail things.  I felt sure that once they understood what we were dealing with they would send money.  Its the most logical gift.  I also did some research and your friends and family can buy a gift certificate to Debenhams in the UK.  If they really want to give a gift this might be the best way.  This way you can use them for things you need when you get to the UK.    Hope this helps!

There are travel agencies that will let people basicaly pay for your honeymoon. You don't have to take it immediately.
Plan a trip & let people contribute!  They can pay for small things, say dinner or a show or a tour or contribute to cost of say, a plant ticket

Could you not regisiter at Debenhams, or The House of Frasier,, and slip a card in the invitation saying where you are registered, with the website and phone number?  I got an invite last October for a couple that I know online, who were marrying in December, and their invitations had a nice little card, done in the same style as the invitation and rsvp card with that information. I don't know how this is in the way of wedding ediquett,, but since I live 6000 miles away from them, I was grateful for the info, and the ability to send a little something from their registery list.  

One thing you could do, is instruct your parents (if they are asked by others) to let them know how difficult it would be for you to transport any gifts from one country to the other,, and suggest a gift of money, or a gift certificate.

Best wishes, and good luck

I like Debenhams as a shop but I'd be weary of their wedding register.  Friends of ours are getting married up in Aberdeen later this month and they have their registry at Debenhams. Our shop here in York doesn't have 'housewares' so we can't just go in and buy something and take it with us.  We've been trying for the past 2 months to place the order through the online registry with no luck. It's 'having difficulties, please try later'. So we're just getting them a gift voucher from there instead.  

I can't help with the travel ideas either but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for money if they know you are moving soon. We didn't have a registry because we eloped.  

Best of luck!!  

We wanted to elope, but now our non-wedding has turned into a little wedding.  My mom suggested that I send out wedding announcements to all the family and friends with whatever gift ideas we come up with, but I don't feel comfortable trying to solicit gifts from people who arn't even invited.  Im starting to think that money is the best option.  

I was trying to explain this massive dilema to my fiance and he said "what is a gift registry?"  The first weddding he will have been to is our own!  I told him it was like a christmas list, but for a wedding  

I think the problem with the honeymoon idea is that, although I love it and i think it would fly, we arn't going to be able to plan any kind of honeymoon until we are actually *together* and are able to look at the options, agencies, and come to any agreement about it.  I feel like its hard enough trying to organize the visas, plan a small wedding, and plan my move that to try to organize a honeymoon while we are apart would put me over the edge. :-/

I would feel the same as you about sending out a gift list to people who aren't invited to the actual wedding. You might have to put your foot down about that. Some friends of mine who got married a couple of years ago put on their invitiatons that they didn't want gifts but those who wanted to give something could give a "donation" - of course a lot of people gave them gifts anyway but most people gave cash.

Or if you want something travel related, maybe you can get people to give you vouchers for somewhere that sells fancy luggage that you like? A set of good quality luggage can last you a lifetime and be a long lasting reminder of your special day.

I have to be the voice of dissention here - I think to ask for money in any sort of way as a wedding gift is tacky.

I agree with you Peedal.  It's something that isn't done.  If you read those wedding etiquette books - you aren't even supposed to expect a gift.  What I was suggesting was after explaining graphically to my parents what it was like to mail things, that they could tell people how much easier it would be to give money.  Face it, its not only the cost but will your items arrive and be undamaged?  Once they understood what I was facing, they could explain to the various relatives that would ask my mother what I could use etc for a gift that it was best to send money.  Then she could explain.  I know that seems convoluted but that's how my family works.  My mother is the wheel and everyone goes to her about everything.  EX. cousin's daughter is invited to wedding.  I called to invite her.  Cousin called my mother to let her know daughter was attending.   <shrug>  Guess you gotta work within your own family situation.

I've told my friends what it was like with a package that was late getting there, or someone else's story about the package being empty.  Not to mention the cost.  Its not just the gift but the shipping too.  It's still up to your guests if they want to send a gift.  

I get where you're coming from, Kiz.  Same here - some how my mother has become the *hub* for all the family info - even the family on my father's side and they've been divorced for almost 30 years!  

And the logistics do come into play.  Still, it's one thing for Mom or Dad or Sister to explain to people that maybe money would be easier (which, with the exchange rate of $s to £s, isn't even all that great an idea right now) and another to put the suggestion in the wedding invites!

thanks for the advice everyone.  i think i will suggest that money, or some other option that won't produce some sort of objects that require shipping and reshipping, to my parents - who will fully understand.  the rest i will let be and let my parents make the suggestions as they feel comfortable.

i remember i went to a friend's wedding several years back and they put a thing in the invitation saying that they had all the household items they needed, but were working towards saving money to put a down payment on a house and would appreciate a gift of money to go towards that.  im not much on ettiquette, but a friend of mine who also attended felt put out that someone would be so tacky as to formally request cash.  that stuck with me and i can see how some would not be happy with that.

so im going to leave it without making any formal requests and perhaps my parents will let the idea trickle down if they feel comfortable, or people who wish to give gifts will just have the sense to not try to ship anything.

we just want a small and simple wedding, but even the smallest issues become complicated.   :-/

we just want a small and simple wedding, but even the smallest issues become complicated.   :-/

Yep, seems to work out that way.

We had 30 people at our wedding/reception held at an inn.  Was supposed to be so simple...NOT!

My first words of advice would be to NOT buy any of the wedding magazines if you really want a simple wedding!  By the end of it, you will feel you absolutely have to have every little thing they mention in them or it won't be a real wedding!  

I agree with you Peedal.  It's something that isn't done.  If you read those wedding etiquette books - you aren't even supposed to expect a gift.  What I was suggesting was after explaining graphically to my parents what it was like to mail things, that they could tell people how much easier it would be to give money.  Face it, its not only the cost but will your items arrive and be undamaged?  Once they understood what I was facing, they could explain to the various relatives that would ask my mother what I could use etc for a gift that it was best to send money.  Then she could explain.  I know that seems convoluted but that's how my family works.  My mother is the wheel and everyone goes to her about everything.

Ok well, we're not planning on registering anywhere or formally asking for money either.  I discussed the whole dilemma with my mom and she said not to worry about it.  Most people will likely ask my mom what I want or need, and she said she would kindly explain how much easier money would be do to the shipping, etc., but that if they had a particular gift in mind, then that would be great and much appreciated.  

So, I figure that I will probably receive mostly monetary gifts and then a few "regular" gifts.  Basically, if you're not registered anywhere, people tend to give you money anyways.  Registries have almost become like required gift lists (not saying I agree or disagree with that), but if people don't know what you need or want, they usually just stick to money or gift certificates so that you can use them for whatever you need.

I'm sure it'll work out fine...and even if you get some presents, you can slowly transfer them over in each visit or just leave them in the US if you're seriously planning on moving back in a few years.  Just some ideas for you.