Father has Cancer

Has anyone dealt with knowing a loved one might die and lived overseas?  I am going to visit would love to go home to live but we have financial obligations I just don't think we can.  I don't know much but I really hope he doesn't die but if he does I really hope I get home to be there.  Have lost passport so I need to replace it in order to go home.

Deborah

Sort of.  I knew when I moved that I had an elderly grandmother with major heart problems.  That was a hard death on me, because she did a lot of the raising of me.  But I knew no matter where I lived, it would be awful for me when she died.  I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.  I hope his cancer is treatable. 

Oh, I am sorry.

Of course, there's an enormous difference between different cancers and different stages of the same cancer. They've gotten better and better at treating nearly all forms of cancer. Until you know more, it's hard to know what his level of need is.

The day I got back from my first trip to England, my mother was diagnosed with a fast and nasty one. There wasn't much I could do, but I did work in several trips. My home in the States was a thousand miles away from her --  there's not much difference between one thousand and three.

Has anyone dealt with knowing a loved one might die and lived overseas?  I am going to visit would love to go home to live but we have financial obligations I just don't think we can.  I don't know much but I really hope he doesn't die but if he does I really hope I get home to be there.  Have lost passport so I need to replace it in order to go home.

Deborah

Oh yes, indeed. I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I have had several family members die (older ones, mind you) while I have been abroad in the last few years, as well as having family members go through health scares or chronic health problems. I don't know your specific situation, but personally, my father's cancer (melanoma) has been treated (for the time being) and yet there have been times in the recent past that I have been very scared I would lose him. I truly hope that you are able to get home whenever you need to see him, even if that means sorting out an emergency passport or having to go to the embassy in person to get a new one. This sounds like a difficult time for you. I hope that you take care of yourself; seek out support from your loved ones here and take time to pamper yourself! I know for me that when I am very worried about my parents' health, I sometimes get very homesick for them, but I also realise that I would prefer quality visits rather than living with them. Of course every situation is different and I hope you have good, reliable ways to contact your family at this time, especially phone cards!

I haven't dealt with a similar situation (yet, anyway - *crosses fingers*) but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry that you're having to cope with such a thing.  Much love and many good wishes! 

I understand how you feel.  My mom has ovarian cancer and is on her second round of chemotherapy, so while it's hard not getting to see & support her, I know she would want me to carry on with my life & be happy where I am.  I try and talk to her often and keep abreast with her health issues, but really you just have to stay positive.  Remember - you being there (or not being there) isn't going to make the cancer magically go away!

I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say I'm very sorry to hear your dad has cancer. I also hope it can be treated and that he recovers. There are a lot of people here who have had similar situations, so please do post if you ever need to talk or at the very least PM someone. This is a great community for all types of support.

I haven't experienced this from abroad, but my mother has been going through cancer and cancer scares for the past 12 years. People deal with it differently. I now live 1½ hours away and I find that when she has to go through treatments it's easier for me because I'm not there to see it all the time. I'm not seeing her and having that be a constant reminder of what's happening.

I hope your father is able to beat it.

No advice, just wanted to add my support and let you know I hope your Dad comes out ok with everything. 

No advice from me either I'm afraid, but wanted to say I'm sorry your father and your family is going through this and I hope everything turns out ok.

Hi Deborah. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

My dad had a lot of medical problems before I moved here; the day I said goodbye to him before moving to the UK was the last time I saw him alive.

PM me if you need to talk. (Sorry, I don't have experience specifically with cancer.)

thank you everyone for your support my dad will be seeing the uriologist today so will know more soon

My home in the States was a thousand miles away from her --  there's not much difference between one thousand and three.

I'm really sorry djbannister. Hang in there. Let's hope for good news at his appointment today!

I was in the same situation as Stoatula - my father (in the deep south) had cancer, and I was in New England. It wasn't easy, but we got through it. Now he's not doing well again, but I think it's less serious than it was before. Fingers crossed. He has an appointment today as well.

Parents getting old really sucks, doesn't it? 

Here is what it looks like we are doing.  Son will be traveling on British Passport with all of us to the UK hubby will stay for a week parents will (hopefully be able to )come back with me and the children end of August as they have bought tickets to that effect already so if we go soon as I get my new passport that will be end of July.  I'll have to have my ticket for my next trip to the UK as will be applying for new visa when I get back unless they allow me to apply for nationality as been living in the UK for 7 years this summer and really don't want to have to go through the Visa process ever again.  Either way I am sure I will have to pay £160 pounds or more for the visa replacement or nationality.   My lost Passport is going to cost me $80-$90 dollars to replace... fun fun fun.  But at least barring nothing happening in the meantime my dad will get a whole month to enjoy his grandchildren.

Here is what it looks like we are doing.  Son will be traveling on British Passport with all of us to the UK hubby will stay for a week parents will (hopefully be able to )come back with me and the children end of August as they have bought tickets to that effect already so if we go soon as I get my new passport that will be end of July.  I'll have to have my ticket for my next trip to the UK as will be applying for new visa when I get back unless they allow me to apply for nationality as been living in the UK for 7 years this summer and really don't want to have to go through the Visa process ever again.  Either way I am sure I will have to pay £160 pounds or more for the visa replacement or nationality.   My lost Passport is going to cost me $80-$90 dollars to replace... fun fun fun.  But at least barring nothing happening in the meantime my dad will get a whole month to enjoy his grandchildren.

That may be the best medicine for him yet!  I hope you have a lovely trip.