What changes when you're married?

Uhhhh I don't even know were to start. I am married to my sweetheart..... we have been togather since I was 17 and now Iam 23 going on 24th and married nearly 3 years. I have been here for 9 months and moved in with his parents nearly 2 months ago. what certainly changed is that my husband does not pick up after himself anymore. He expects dinner after I came from work than does not wash his dishes anymore (he use to before when we were in sharing) Does not opened the door for me anymore and sex went down to once every week and half I was diagniosed with PCOS and gain a few pounds and I don't like dressing up anymore because cloths don't fit right so that's another things. we use to fight abiout money everyday but I have my own account he has his own and than we have own saving in which we put 20% of our income( that helped alot I must tell you) definatly have seperate accounts. and although we love each other to pieces he hardly says ever I love you anymore I can seriously count how many times with in the past 8 Months

Well, that sounds a bit depressing.    Hope you manage to work through some of these things and get back to the good stuff.

In the week leading up to the wedding and right after the wedding people kept asking us if we feel different. This was the weirdest question ever. They also asked if we were nervous. We weren't nervous and we didn't feel different, but so many people kept asking us that we began to think there was something wrong with us! Ha! In the next day or so we decided that we do feel a little different. We felt grown up. That's really the only way we could describe it. Even though I'm 34 and he's 32 we finally felt grown up! 

I'm starting to feel different now, six months on.  It's like it's all finally sinking in.  In my case, I was completely blindsided by the proposal, DH had always said he didn't want to get married, and I'd accepted that.  Then suddenly he asked me to marry him, and circumstances sort of arranged themselves so that we got married only seven weeks after he proposed.  Then there was the business with the visa, then the move, so it's only now that I'm beginning to adjust to things.  It's been really weird having to sort of forcibly shift my world view; I'd gotten so used to the idea of myself as eternally single that the realization that I actually do have a husband and may some day have children has been slow in dawning.  I also feel that our relationship is more secure now, which is such a nice, comfortable feeling, and one I've never felt before.  I just hope it lasts!   

So far, nothing is different. It feels better because the money is officially joint now. (As in, I never feel bad when he pays for things. Always felt guilty before unnecessarily!) It all just feels more right and more natural.

The biggest change was that we finally get to live together. And it is fabulous. I love cooking him dinner every night, and staying in and watching movies together... Feels right.

Honestly though, I have gotten used to calling him my husband, and he has gotten used to calling me his wife... That was the biggest change we faced so far!

No changes here! Except that it's weird signing my name differently. Separate accounts, so no changes with the money stuff.

I'm keeping my name, so I don't have that to get used to.

I don't think anything has changed, though we have only been back in 'reality' for 6 days, so it is a little early to tell!

Vicky

Nothing,
it is just leagal now thats all, a legal binding is just needed for the visa process, if 2 people are truely in love and the relationship is genuine, it dosen't change a thing either way weather it is on paper or not, just like if the relationship is so so it dosen't change either.

 I have heard people say it does change, like some of my friends that married right out of highschool, but thats different I guess, in that case it may have been a maturity thing, like I wasn't mature enough to get married when I was 18- but everyone is different

nothing in our case.

We've been married about 9 months now and nothing has changed really.  I really does think it depends on what your relationship is like and how you view marriage.  Getting married was important to us, but at the same time it wasn't.  I don't think it's really right that you're not going to put as much effort into a relationship just because you're married, if anything it should be more.

One thing that did change was combining our finances, so far that's just made things easier, we don't have to worry about dividing bills or splitting money for groceries.  It was stressful when I didn't have my work permit yet and the husband had to take care of things, I'm pretty independent and it's just not comfortable for me to not be able to financially support myself.

DH and I have only been married for 2 1/2 weeks now, but I don't feel like anything is really different between us. Nothing's changed in our everyday lives or behaviors anyways. Only thing different really is getting used to my new name

Yeah the new name is different to get used to-my US debit card is in my madein name Flinn-I am waiting to change it when I get a UK bank account in my name-now I put most of my money in Matt's account and keep a bit out for spend money-but most is for our living costs, and of course when I apply for jobs in the UK ect-but it say Stacy King on my Facebook, here, Skype and stuff like that.

I just got married a few weeks ago, and even though we only had about ten days after the wedding before going back to our respective countries, I totally felt different. If you had asked me this question a month ago, I would have said a marriage it's all just a piece of paper, and doesn't have a thing to do with our relationship. Turns out, I was wrong. Freaky! But I feel closer to him, we're both a lot calmer. Making that promise before God (if you believe) or just before your friends and family (if you believe in that more) just does something.

As for money, I feel the pain on that. I have been a big earner and now I'm unemployed and totally unsure of how well I'm going to do in the UK. I'm coming with student loans and a house I have to rent because I can't afford to sell. Terrifying!

But, it's all about making an equal contribution. Is a stay at home mom lazy? Oh heck no! Looking for a job counts as a job, and so does making sure the washing is done. Chores should be split equally according to time. So if one works 20hrs/week (school counts) and the other 40, than there should be a proportional split in chores. And if one brings in 80% of the household income, they should pay 80% of the bills while the partner pays 20%. It's not a competition. Running the house is like running a corporation. If one part of the biz is more profitable, you use those profits to shore up the other segments.

Does that makes sense? We're not tested yet, but my husband and I have had long talks about this, so we are on the same page... sorry for the sickening corp speak. Can't help myself. 

Running the house is like running a corporation. If one part of the biz is more profitable, you use those profits to shore up the other segments.

Does that makes sense? We're not tested yet, but my husband and I have had long talks about this, so we are on the same page... sorry for the sickening corp speak. Can't help myself.  

Really?  Wow!  I hope that works out for you - different strokes & all.  But marriage & home are our refuges (DH's & mine) from all that kind of stuff - we do more than plenty of that on the job.  Equal contributions always sounds good, but life tends to throw a lot of curve balls.  We just focus on doing the best we can on any given day/occasion/responsibility/chore & more importantly, caring for each other (something that fortunately isn't quantifiable!) - the 50/50, 60/40, 80/20, 70/30..............we just figure it all works out over time without keeping score.  Good luck to you!

the 50/50, 60/40, 80/20, 70/30..............we just figure it all works out over time without keeping score.  Good luck to you!

I like to keep it 100/100. We both give it our all and if everything else sucks at least our marriage rocks! This includes everything from chores to fun .

Just to be clear, there are no spreadsheets or graphs representing the division of labor. I am not that crazy... yet.

My focus on equitable division is because I have heard many ladies say or imply that because their financial contribution was less, they didn't feel like they could ask their husband for more help around the house. Kind of, "he gets to go to the gym while I clean, because he pays the mortgage and has to be happy when he gets up for work tomorrow." Or, "he works all day at a hard job, and I'm just home with two kids, so that's why he goes to the gym while I make dinner and wrangle babies."

Everybody has to do their own thing, and it's never smart to judge what goes on behind closed doors, but when invited to ramble, this is how I ramble, because I don't think anyone should feel like they have less of a voice in a relationship, just because they don't earn as much.

And no, I have no idea why these people are always going to the gym in my imagination... they just are!

We just do it whatever it takes to get it all done.    All our money goes into one account and we pay the bills out of it. I wasn't working when we were in Dublin, so I did the majority of the cooking and cleaning since I was home all day. He didn't make me do this, but what else was I going to do all day?? I'm anal about enough things, I don't need to add who did what and who makes what, trying to keep it all even. I pick my battles.