fatigue and keeping up with DH

My name is Geeta and I love sleep.

I tell DH that sleeping is my favorite activity.  He tells me he can't understand how I can waste my day/weekend/life sleeping when there are so many better things to do.  

He has learned to just accept my preferences just as I accept his about certain things. He would probably say he dislikes going to bed when I'm still up looking at email or reading, but I don't like him bounding out of bed on a Saturday morning and being annoyed if I want to sleep in on my weekends.  As JuneHawk said, it's just about compromise really!

but I am following my body and going to sleep. I think he will either learn to come to bed a bit early and get some headphones or spend time with me before I go to bed.

have you spoken to him directly about this? 

DB and I both need about the same amount of sleep, but we prefer different schedules.

He likes to stay up until 3am nightly and sleep until noon. I prefer to go to bed at around midnight and sleep until 8 or 9. To compromise, sometimes DB will come lay in bed with me for a little while and then get back up and do his computer thing.

June, DB does IT as well, and he has the same problem with it tiring him out. It's just such a tedious job and it's mentally draining I think.

It is unfair for him to resent her lupus, since it's not in her control, just as it's not fair for him to get upset with you for having a different sleep schedule. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about him resenting you for it, if he does that's his problem not yours. From your posts it sounds like you do a lot of compromise and he's lucky to have someone so flexible. Your body's needs aren't really something you should compromise much though.

Ever since I moved here, I have been sleeping a lot later on the weekends than I ever have in my entire life. When I was living on my own in New York, or even as a teenager/college student I would wake up early on the weekends, and get stuff done. But lately, when I have the chance to stay in bed, I can hardly drag myself out. Not sure what has changed!

I so feel your pain!  I need a lot of sleep too.  I've been sleeping with earplugs and sometimes an eye mask for years now.  It helps me a lot.

Another couple with funny sleep patterns here. DH is a bit of a night owl and likes to stay up late anyway and if there's a late baseball game on he will be up half the night but he watches it in the lounge or study so I'm not usually kept awake. I just go to bed when I need to.  It really bugs me when he does that and then sleeps in til midday on the weekends or a day off but if we have plans to do something specific he is pretty good about getting up in time.

We compromised and now DH goes to bed with me, most nights, around 10-10:30pm.  He gets up when he's done sleeping - anywhere from 3:30-6am.  I get up at 6am on workdays and 7am most other days.  Works for us, and he's started really enjoying having his alone time early in the morning.

DH needs more sleep than I do, so I make myself busy when I get up (housework, cooking, etc..).  Its really nice to have time in the morning to myself.

Anyway, from your posts you seem to be a lot more physically active than most (doing a pilates course, etc..), so this could also be why you need your sleep.

If your husband sits on his butt all day, whilst you spend your day being active, is it really any wonder than you need more sleep?

I usually go to bed before DH does, but then I get up earlier than he does (iron his clothes for him, bring him coffee in bed, etc just before I leave for work which is when he's getting up).  I like a lie in on weekends, but sometimes my back hurts if I stay in bed too long -- so I get up & then take a nap later.  I am pretty sure I need more sleep than DH does.

A friend of mine at work - she is totally a morning person, and her husband is a night owl.  She goes to bed early & he goes to bed late.  Only problem is that he gets really cranky if she wakes him up (not on purpose, but just as she's getting around in the morn) on a morning when he is trying to get his zzzzzz.

Just saying there's all sorts!  But I agree with expat_in_scotland --- he's a big boy, he can learn to deal with this.

I definitely do better if I get at least 8hrs of sleep. I do work out a lot during the week and my job also takes a lot of mental energy. I drag on days that I get less than 8 hours. Sometimes I think I'd do better with 9 hours. lol 

I agree with expat - this really sounds like an issue that your husband needs to come to terms with, not something *you're* doing wrong!

DH and I have sleep schedules that are about as different as can be - we both like our sleep, but rarely are able to do it at the same time!  He works 6:30am-6:30pm for two days in a row, then 6:30pm-6:30am for two nights, then is off for four days....which means that he goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 5am for two nights (not my cup of tea!), sleeps through two more days (no, thanks) then sleeps away half of his first day off!  He gets up at 7am on his last day off, too, to help get ready for going to bed at 9pm that night, which is another thing I'm not crazy about.  (If it were up to me, I'd sleep from 12am-10am every day!) Sometimes I think we spend half the time we actually have together with one or both of us asleep!

thank you everyone. I am learning that DH is a no more mature than a teenager when it comes to most issues. It's really frustrating. Not saying I'm perfect, but this is just one of many examples where I have felt that he has passed judgment on me for being myself. I am almost positive he would disagree if confronted, but I know better. He was happy last night b/c we stayed up together until 1130pm. It was ok b/c I hadn't spent much time with him this week and I enjoyed it, but it won't be a habit or I won't get to the gym in the mornings! It's obvious when I read the posts now, but it's good to get confirmation from others since I don't have a lot of people to bounce things off here, except online. I found out from his mom that they had similar probs (his dad passed away several yrs ago) and his dad would just go to bed earlier with his mom - basically he would give in. DH scoffed at that idea,    It will work itself out, and I will discuss when it comes up again.

I'm just glad dh likes to lie in on weekends - it would drive me nuts if he didn't!

his dad would just go to bed earlier with his mom - basically he would give in. DH scoffed at that idea,   

I just don't see where this is 'giving in'.  Marriage is a compromise in many ways because it's a partnership between two people who are not the same, not an 'I win this round, you win the next' game.  I mean, that's the way my 4-year-old thinks and she's . . . well, 4.

My husband has a different sleep pattern to me.  My kids even do! 

It's part of being a family.

I wouldn't feel very comfortable in my own skin if someone were niggling me about the petty stuff.

I wouldn't feel very comfortable in my own skin if someone were niggling me about the petty stuff.

Might explain the battle with depression I've had over the last 2yrs since moving here. 

Might explain the battle with depression I've had over the last 2yrs since moving here. 

See the PM I've just sent you!