fatigue and keeping up with DH

This has been an issue since I moved in with DH (then bf) - I cannot keep up with him! I just do not have the energy and ambition he does. I grew up where after 7 or 8pm at night, you chill out, relax and watch tv or read a book. Not DH. He works or is on the computer until he goes to bed - THEN he watches tv. Which means even if we are in bed by 1030pm, we are awake until 11 or 1130pm. He gets up at 6am-7am and it hardly fazes him. I need at least 8hrs sleep, so now that I am trying to have a regular schedule, get up around 7am go to gym and put a regular day in, by 8-9pm I have had it. I just can't do anything but watch tv/read. I am ready for sleep/bed by 1030pm at the latest. So, we're at odds, he just sees me as tired all the time b/c I don't see him much during the day. It feels like he works so much harder than me and I feel lazy compared to him, but I just cannot do what he does. I even went so far as to get tested at the GP for tiredness b/c I thought I had a major problem. It came out okay, but this was over 1.5yrs ago. I don't think I'm depressed, I am very aware of that and I am working out 3-5 days a week.

Am I abnormal? Or is DH abnormally energetic/ambitious?

you're not alone or strange.  my boyfriend needs 5-7 hours of sleep a night.  if left to himself he'd be going to bed at midnight, up at 5 or 6 (even on the weekend).  if its light out- he's up.

me- i need a solid 8-9 hours sleep to be at my best.  i'm in bed by 10, lights out by 10:30... zzzz....

i just think everyone's different.

He is more energetic than many people. 

And this is going to sound really harsh, but this man is old enough and should be mature enough to recognise that people having varying levels of energy, just as they have different personalities and body shapes, and that just because a person isn't as hyper as he is doesn't mean they're lazy or tired all the time.   I mean, honestly, how can anyone who's adult expect that? 

I only need 6-7 hours of sleep.  My husband needs 8-10.  I wouldn't dream of assuming that meant he was tired all the time or lazy or expect him to be like me or that he was somehow lacking because of his differences from me.

8-10 hours of sleep is normal for people to require.

Quit trying to 'keep up with him' and be yourself.  There's nothing wrong with who you are and what your needs are.

Yeah I agree, your required sleep amount sounds completely normal. Did he actually say that you seem tired all the time? Maybe you can plan nice activities for the weekend so that you can get more quality time during the week.

I just have few people to talk to other than DH and since moving in with someone that you are so close with, I have had to make adjustments and this is the main difference. It doesn't help that his ex-wife had lupus and slept a lot, while he worked overtime, making their relationship almost non-existent. That's my fear, that he will think I'm like his ex. There have been comparisons before, he has a huge fear of getting back into a nightmare relationship like they had. When I moved in, he made a big deal of us going to bed together, except it's rarely when I want to go  although it's earlier than he would normally go to bed. Good suggestion on the weekend stuff, thanks. I just hate being the odd ball and the one that needs sleep! I was bright and awake this morning, b/c I got my 8hrs sleep, but he was groggy and dragging at teh gym b/c he is finally tired, but tonight he won't be, he'll be full of energy. Ugh, right when I'm ready to wind down.

There have been comparisons before, he has a huge fear of getting back into a nightmare relationship like they had. When I moved in, he made a big deal of us going to bed together, except it's rarely when I want to go  although it's earlier than he would normally go to bed.

He should get some counselling about that then, instead of making you feel bad about your own, normal need for sleep.

Honestly, he's a grown man!  We've all had nightmare relationships in our past, but how mature or fair is it to visit those on someone else who had nothing to do with it? 

Marriage is about compromise, and part of that is accepting, loving and respecting that your spouse is a different person, with different feelings and needs than your own.

My husband and I have different sleep patters and he nearly always goes to bed before I do.  Part of the problem is that I don't work so I don't need to get up early and there is really not much reason for me to do so.  I am usually out of bed by 11am but sometimes earlier.  On the odd day I am up and about by 9 am, I feel tired ALL day.  I normally go to bed after midnight and sometimes I'm up reading until 3am.  He's well asleep by then!

For at least a couple years, I have been feeling tired all the time and it seems that no matter how much or  how little sleep I get, I am always sleepy and yawning.  I had blood tests done because I used to be anemic as a child but my iron is fine.

On weekends though, I want to go out and do things but my husband would rather stay home and rest because he's worked all week.  I don't understand that because he's in IT and he sits at a desk all day and plays around on the internet....that's his job.  How is that tiring?   But then again, I do just that all week and I get tired so go figure.

People are just different and you just have to learn to compromise and understand each other's needs.

I hope things get better for you guys!

June

Im a very sleepy person! Many nights, I'll catch myself falling asleep on the couch at 9pm and I wake up for work around 7am. DH & I just laugh about it though.

Have you thought of gettin a hobby that you and DH can do together? We bought mountain bikes and every weekend we go out for a few hours and take trips to the Lake District sometimes with them.  It really helps us spend some quality time together during the hours when im awake 

My husband and I both need at minimum 7 hours - he actually needs a bit more. We can manage for a week or so with less, but it will always catch up with us. So we take turns crashing and burning (i.e. getting a long lie in!) as soon as we can.

Sometimes I think if I were healthier I'd need less sleep (i.e. if I exercised more) but then I remember that at my fittest, when I was cycling every day and walking a lot, I actually took naps on top of getting 7+ hours!!

So really, everyone is different and your husband has got to see that. TBH, one of these days his workaholic tendencies and high stress levels will catch up with him in other ways.

BTW, if he insists on watching TV until late at night, if this is in your bedroom, get a really good pair of earplugs. My mother sends me some from the US that are fab.

BTW, if he insists on watching TV until late at night, if this is in your bedroom, get a really good pair of earplugs. My mother sends me some from the US that are fab.

Or the more high-tech solution- get him some wireless headphones so he can watch tv with them on and you can sleep! 

BTW, if he insists on watching TV until late at night, if this is in your bedroom, get a really good pair of earplugs. My mother sends me some from the US that are fab.

Or move the TV!!  I refuse to have a TV in the bedroom for exactly this reason.  the boy would stay up til midnight watching rubbish.  i need quiet & darkness to sleep.  there's a tv in the lounge.  he can stay up as late as he wants watching telly there.  the bedroom is for sleeping and .... 

Yes, actually, we don't have a TV in our bedroom either. But we do have DH's computer as the bedroom is also his office (we need 3 bedrooms!!!).

we tried the tv not in the bedroom and both didn't like it. When we do stay up late - weekends etc... I like watching movies or tv in bed before sleep. Never seems to impede on the loving 

This week I have been goign to bed when I am tired, mostly b/c I have started a new fitness regime and getting up consistently at 6 or 7am, I need my zzzz's. I have had some comments from DH b/c he's working late or just not tired, but I am following my body and going to sleep. I think he will either learn to come to bed a bit early and get some headphones or spend time with me before I go to bed. Either way, I can't change my needs, I am a horrible person to live with when I haven't had enough sleep.

My husband hasn't ever had a lie in in his life I swear.  I used to work 14-16 hour days for 5-6 days at a time so on Sundays I used to sleep till 2 in the afternoon, now that I don't work like that anymore I don't need as much sleep but I like a lie in on a Saturday or a Sunday but my hubby can't, he says he get a headache if he sleeps too long.  Most of the time he busys himself bywalking the dog or doing things outside, but there are a few times that he decides to ask me every question under that sun.  It has taken a bit of time but he has learned to accept that I like to sleep.  I think you situation will work itself out as well.

My dh refuses to go to sleep without me.  This is a problem as he has to get up earlier than I do, but as long as he knows and is willing to face the consequences, I'm not bothered.  When he gets grouchy, I give him a gentle reminder that he can go to bed whenever he wants.  We both like a good lie-in on Saturday or Sunday.