go against your DH?

DH wants a dog or a puppy, but he doesn't want the same type of dog I do. I have always had pugs growing up and really want one again, I have wanted one since I left college but couldn't because I was working full time. I am now pursuing my pilates career here in Dallas and will have the time and means to care for a dog. DH wants to wait (indefinitely i swear) and choose a different dog (something less ugly he says). I have heard of others just getting the dog and their husband ends up loving it despite saying they didn't want one. Anyone else have that situation? I hate to go against him, but he won't take the compromise I gave which was to get 2 dogs, one he chooses and one I choose and that way they have each other as company when we're away. I don't want to go against him, but I want to adopt a pug (there are so many rescue ones here in Texas!)

I've done that and it worked out so well he kept that dog in the divorce. When my ex and I were living in NYC, we'd agreed no new dog until we left the city. I went into a Petco to pick up some food for the other dog and (as always) held a rescue puppy. (I always figure other potential adopters are more likely to stop if somebody's already there.)

I fell in love with the pup and adopted her. The ex was a bit frustrated at first, but he loved her, too. She was a bit of a nightmare and had some behaviour problems, but she was a great dog. A few years later, when we divorced and I moved over here, he kept Lola. She had very much become his dog.

Similarly, before Poppy came over to the UK, I pointed out a different Pomeranian to Adam. He thought they were horrible little fluffy yappy dogs and was a little disappointed that Poppy was one of 'those things.' Then he met her and loved her. (He's not always happy with her, but he does love her.)

I can understand the temptation, but how would you feel if he did something similar to you? He has his reasons for not wanting pets. I think it's best to respect them. Sure it can work out well, but it won't sometimes and it's a huge violation of trust.

And to tell you the truth, it seems like you're being the inflexible one here: he's ok to get A dog, just not THE dog which seems fairly reasonable to me. Why running completely over his objection seem a better solution to you than compromising on the breed?

Also, boo to any reputable adoption agency that doesn't confirm the willingness of ALL parties before they sign off on a placement.

I am in the same boat. I'd love a pug (I would name it Walter).  Other half thinks they're ugly and breathe loud..... I am gutted about it as I just see that as the dog I want.  Pug seem to be very much the fashionable dog in the states at the mo so I can believe they're popular in the rescue places. Over here they are still rarely seen.  We're at a stalemate so remain dog-less.

Jen, I had pomeranians before and I just couldn't take losing another one... My other half hated poms but he loved Simon the Wonder Pom.  Then again, he weighed over a stone and didnt really fit the mold of toy pom. He looked like a spitz. Grand dog!

I'm with Mort on this one- it seems incredibly unfair to him if you get a dog without his consent.  If he's really dead set against a pug, that's unfortunate, but maybe you need to be a little more flexible with the breed.    If you want to try to win him over as far as the timeline goes, maybe you could possibly take him to one of the rescue organisations just to visit with some dogs for an hour or two and see how he likes it?

Jen, I had pomeranians before and I just couldn't take losing another one... My other half hated poms but he loved Simon the Wonder Pom.  Then again, he weighed over a stone and didnt really fit the mold of toy pom. He looked like a spitz. Grand dog!

That sounds exactly like Poppy. I got her for my 16th birthday, and she was an AKC toy pom, but she just never stopped growing. She's now almost 13 years old and weighs about a stone. She's also a blue pom, so dark grey instead of the normal cream colour. People always ask if she's a miniature [insert giant dog breed here].

She still does the circus tricks of a pom, like dancing around on her back feet and twirling.

I don't know that I'd ever get another pom, though. Pop is such a special dog to me and I don't think I'd be lucky enough to get another un-pom.

I have no advice as currently I'm not allowed near a rescue place because I'd probably bring something home.  Unfortunately it's not my husband who cares, but our landlord. 

My aunt got my grandfather a puppy for father's day after he declared there would be no more dogs in their house.  He ended up loving Sancho, but I don't think he was very happy about it for quite a while.  My aunt was probably the only one who could pull that stunt on my grandfather and live to tell the tale. 

I'm with Mort on this one- it seems incredibly unfair to him if you get a dog without his consent.  If he's really dead set against a pug, that's unfortunate, but maybe you need to be a little more flexible with the breed.    If you want to try to win him over as far as the timeline goes, maybe you could possibly take him to one of the rescue organisations just to visit with some dogs for an hour or two and see how he likes it?

Exactly what she said!

My dh didn't want a kitten until our friends found themselves with a litter. One evening at their house and he'd changed his mind. But I wouldn't have just brought one home if he was dead set against it. Compromises and partnerships and all that....

Paul is determined...nothing except a fish. He says if it can't be flushed when it goes then Emily doesn't need it. Having partically run an animal shelter out of our home in rural Texas when my older kids were young, I thought it a bit harsh. But then his mother told me that when he was little his aunt's dog bit him. He still goes absolutely livid every time there is a story in the news about a dog attacking a child. So perhaps there is something in your DH past that makes him concerned about that breed.

TP - pugs are known to be the softest of all breeds, the best for kids - of which we have none yet anyway 

As for him doing it to me, well, I would be really happy if he brought a dog home, just let me get the one I want too, I am the one caring for them anyway! I just hate feeling like he has all the decision making power

I just hate feeling like he has all the decision making power

Neither of you should have all the decision making power. But when making such a huge decision, it really needs to be a joint thing. You do have to be in complete agreement, or the poor dog will be the one who winds up suffering.

Maybe go together to one of the rescues that has pugs. His opinion might be different when it comes to a specific pug, rather than pugs in general.

I just hate feeling like he has all the decision making power

So your solution is to give him none?

I am not attacking you, mind, just pointing out that by bring a dog home without getting his OK, you'd be doing to him what you feel he's doing to you.

As chary said, it needs to be a joint decision -- even if you do take on primary responsibility for the puppy, it's not like he can wash his hands of it completely since he lives with you. What if you get sick, or the puppy gets sick, or it has behavioural problems, etc. And what will happen if he DOESN'T warm up to the pug? What if after you bring him home, your husband demands him gone? What a completely horrible situation for you, your hubby and the poor puppy.

I wouldn't do it because I would be raging if my husband did it to me.  A dog is a big commitment for both people.

I mentioned we could both go and see the pug, he then reveals another poor excuse - that I can't manage to care for a dog and start my business at the same time (I am starting my Pilates business again here in the US). Now, I find that infuriating to think I am not capable when I am! Besides, I will be home most of the time, making it a good fit. Then he pulls the financial card, which in my opinion, can be pulled for anything whenever you are trying to pay off debt, yet he can go and spend money on weekends out etc...