I watch too many romantic movies!

Carey!!! your back !! You must be feeling pretty out of it I'm so sorry! So did anything come of this trip? What did he say!!!

Tell him he is silly I am fine and the change is going more smoothly than I could have ever imagined (other than a little crying fit in the grocery store the other day whilst trying to make choc chp cookies hehehe) Other than that? I'm reet at 9 pence WOOWHOOO hahhaa you guys catch that? Anyway ya it is great and I'm still alive:)

No date yet:( always freaking something...but hopefully if my mom gets down to the court house and gets me the docs we need everything should move right along:)

We have been good trying to get into a routine which is hard with Christmas but good. 

Sorry Alan just walked in going to store again now.....will try not to burst into tears because nobody knows what the hell shortening is in this country LOL

Nothing like *that* came out of this trip.  I knew it wouldnt, so at least I am not dissapointed on that front.

CKG, I hope you don't mind me commenting, because I haven't contributed to this thread at all. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the retro dress! Absolutely absolutely brilliant. I wish I had seen something like that when I got married. And it really suits you. Gorgeous!

I'd like to second this, CKG, if I can chime in as well!
Both dresses are great, but the second one is so unique!  I didn't see anything like that in shops when I was looking.
You'll have to let us know when you've decided!

Welcome Ruby!

Jamie - holy holy, I TOTALLY get the grocery store thing!! The first time I was living over there for a 3 month stretch I spent about an hour in Morrisons trying to find karo or corn syrup but to no avail. I was SO upset. It took about 2 months before my MIL and I figured out that golden syrup is pretty much the same thing. I always get so frustrated trying to cook over there because everything is a little bit different.

Welcome back Carey! I hope you enjoyed your trip! You're doing well for going right back to work. I'd be happy to lend an ear any time you're feeling down. Even I'm not superwoman though - today's a little rough for me. Work seems to be going very slowly and my depressed/happy levels are going up and down like a yo-yo. Give me a week or two and I'll settle back in to my solo routine. It is very dangerous - I can tell that it makes the transition back to being with him that much more difficult. The LDR really does a number on our psyche I think, but I always felt the same as you. As hard as it was, I stuck with it because I knew it would be so much harder without him. Anyway, try to be strong, and feel free to PM me if you need to.

CKG, I hope you don't mind me commenting, because I haven't contributed to this thread at all.

OK EVERYONE reading this thread should contribute to this thread!
It is under "enduring the distance" which I guess we all are doing or have done and need to support each other in anyway we can.

So come on 2 new contributers welcome lets have loads more too...this has never been "exclusive" ?

Although with the title "I watch too many romantic movies" it does attract exclusively women...?

Anyway Jamie's been here two weeks and its been fantastic to "live" together finally although Christmas and the New Year has gotten in the way of actually living a normal life style but I have to say I have loved every minute of her being here.

Best thing: no pressure no countdown to leaving just living...together!

Worst thing: my insecurity (Carey this might be of interest) I just want it to be perfect, and I react to any little sign that it might not be, and everytime I get it wrong? Tonight Jamie said as we drove home from Morrison's "this is my life" which I immediately took as OMG what have I done but she actually meant I am not living someone Else's life it's mine and I love it!

Best time: watching Jamie make friends on day two, the moment I knew she would cope with her knew life. I was worried she could become lonely....but ooh nooooo she was talking to COMPLETE strangers in Winsford 24 hours after arriving and laughing at their ageist comments hahaha

Worst time: having to go to work and leave her

All in all though the laughs we have together convince us that we were meant to be together and will be just fine no matter how hard LDR is!

...and for the record it's ALL here!!! You lot just have stupid names for it?

Cilantro, shortening, measuring cup to name but a few hahaha

If I don't add more before midnight tomorrow everyone have a great New Year....I have to run now Jamie needs moisturising cream rubbing into her feet before bed....?

Hello all,

I'm currently battling jet lag and decided to pop on here and get caught up...

I landed on time at 7:30 AM GMT on the 27th.  Immediately after we got back to my boyfriend's house, I had to get dressed and attempt to look presentable to attend my first EVER Protestant funeral.  And meet his entire step-mum's family.  Her ma died Christmas night, and she said it'd be nice for me to be there, which is code for "be there or i hate you forever".  So I went.  It was incredibly frightening for me for a number of reasons: 

1. I'm a Catholic, attending a my first ever PROTESTANT funeral in NORTHERN IRELAND. (was scared I'd accidentally bless myself or something and they'd all notice I was an outsider)

2. It was my first time meeting ALL of these people, and was clueless as to what to wear to a funeral here.  I read on a thread a while back that somebody said do NOT wear black to a funeral if you're not family, so that kind of freaked me out.  In the end I wore a knee-length black dress and a long white coat, and that seemed to go okay.

3.  After the burial they had tea in the church hall, which involved lots of small groups of people forming and pointing at me/whispering to each other...so I guess news of the American girl spread quickly.  At the end of the night, a woman came up to me and told my boyfriend that I'm "lovely" and  I've "passed the test"!   

Other than that, there hasn't been much going on over here.  I'm feeling 100% comfortable with how things are between my boyfriend and me at the moment.  I was so worried it'd take a while to get back to normal with him, but I am thrilled to report that it has been completely amazing.  Doesn't hurt that he got me LOVELY earrings for Christmas, as well!

Okay, story time over.  How is everyone?  From what I've read there are lots of health/relationship-wise worries going on at the moment, so everyone is in my prayers!

Enjoy the rest of the holidays!

I'm frustrated. Well, no that's the wrong word...

So I didn't get an engagement ring at Christmas, and I wasn't really expecting one because of the conversation about getting me a ring that's a ring. And him telling me it was because I'm "his girl" really pleased me.

But - I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of fear of commitment thing with him.  We talk about our future ALL THE TIME and he knows that if he wants me to stay/be here permanently we need to get married....but I feel like it's not going to happen anytime soon. 

He told me he wants me here and "of course he does" because he's given me half the dresser, half the wardrobe, a shelf for my books, and buys me whatever I need

but why doesn't he understand that I can't "just stay"??

Here's the plan for 2009 - I leave in Jan or Feb. He visits me for 2 weeks July/Aug. I visit with my mom for less than a week in September.

Okay, THAT SUCKS. 

Though we hopefully have plans for me to be back for 4 months or whatever in Spring 2010...but I don't want that. I want to just be here permanently.  He seems to want me here permanently, but doesn't want to take the steps we need to take to do it in.

*sigh*

Needed to vent and not make sense.

You make total sense, Becca.  Sometimes the British men in our lives think being together is easier said than done.  If only we could just MAKE men do what we think, huh? lol

I'm sure you two will work something out in the coming year.  Ian and I knew that if we wanted to be together permanently, we would have to get married.  At first it intimidated us, but we were discussing our options 4 months into our relationship....so the engagement/marriage came naturally.  I think sometimes though he might be getting cold feet, buuuttt....that's how men are.  Keep us posted on things though, and if he needs a good talking to, we'll give it to him. :p

And I don't mind getting opinions about dresses, ladies.  I value them...whether you're old to the thread or new to this one, everyone is welcome!   Welcome, Ruby!  Believe it or not, that dress is a brides' maid dress, on the rack, at the David's Bridal near me.

P.S.  I sent those photos to Ian and he picked the 60s one!  And I sent them to his sister as well, and she said the 60s one is similar to the one their Mum wore when she married their Dad.  Sooo....now I HAVE to get that dress..lol.

And Carey, welcome back!  How was your trip, my dear?  Sorry none of *that* happened, but hopefully in due time.  You're a catch.....how could he NOT?!

I had a ton more I wanted to say, but I haven't had anything to eat since noon today, so I'm starving.....if I think of anything else, I'll come back.

Carey hugggsss...I have missed you...I am sorry you are having separation depression...we are all here for you and David loves you and you will someday be together so you don't have to worry...

Jamie and Alan still jealous of the two of you but so happy at the same time...Alan calm down Jamie loves you and wanted to be with you...just be yourself that is who she fell in love with. She wouldn't have come over and promised to marry you if you weren't the one for her

Brittany...I give you kudos...you went to Ireland and attended a protestant funeral in Northern Ireland being a catholic...you get bonus points for that one and I am glad that you and your boyfriend are doing well together I knew you would

Patty love the 60s dress that gets my vote....

Becca I am sorry you are in this predicament right now...but you know you could apply for the entry clearance visa and that will let you visit the UK back and forth and you may be able to apply for it for up to six months straight visit...or can he come over here and visit you for the 3 months he is allowed on his passport...I bet once he is separated from you he will think long and hard about your relationship and he may take it to the next level before you know it...

Beth I don't want to sound dumb but what is Pandora

I agree that Chi chi needs to be our LDR therapist I could really use one right now lol....my boy is driving me insane...I am not as patient as I seem lol


squid and ruby and anyone else new to our little thread...introduce yourself and tell us about yourself...we would love to know...and you can even tell us your favorite sappy romantic movie if you would like... 

Happy New Years Lady and Gentleman if I don't talk to you before then

but why doesn't he understand that I can't "just stay"??

that sounds all too familiar to me. i'm not quite sure my guy really understands just how difficult it is for Americans to come to the UK for extended periods of time.

sometimes (like tonight) i'll read through everything i can online to try to find a way and just end up making myself sad. in my case, a work permit would be impossible, i can't afford to drop $20k on grad school, and the relationship is too new to think about marriage now. he'll be here in 3 weeks though, and that is what i should really focus on to be happy right now.

OK EVERYONE reading this thread should contribute to this thread!

You asked for it! 

But - I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of fear of commitment thing with him.  We talk about our future ALL THE TIME and he knows that if he wants me to stay/be here permanently we need to get married....but I feel like it's not going to happen anytime soon. 

You can't force someone to want to marry you. If I recall correctly, you've only been going out with each other for ... about six months or so? To a lot of people (myself included) that's an obscenely short period of time, and not nearly enough time to know someone well enough to make a life-time commitment. It sounds as if Tim is one of those people and just isn't ready for the next step - regardless of whether it means you have to go back to the US or not.

If you want to take the advice of an older, experienced woman in a long-term solid relationship, that advice would be: Don't push it.

But then I don't really like romantic movies, so maybe my ideas about love/romance are a bit more grounded in reality.

If you want to take the advice of an older, experienced woman in a long-term solid relationship, that advice would be: Don't push it.

OK, I'll wade in too, since I was once in a vaguely similar predicament. We did LDR for... about a year and a half and then I wanted to see what it would be like "in real life". But I knew that I couldn't marry someone I'd only been with for a couple of months (I mean in person - cumulatively in each other's physical presence). So I followed through on something I'd intended to do all along - I got a student visa and came over to do a Master's. It gave us a chance to be together properly and figure out if we could make it work in real life. And it was beyond hard. Real life v. spending a few weeks together on vacation was really, really hard. But it got better. 

Hang with me - this is where it gets sort of similar.

A year later, when my student visa was about to expire, I sat him down and said we had to make a decision because there was absolutely no other option. I told him that I wanted to stay with him but that I was moving back when my visa ran out. He said he wanted to stay together and that even though he really didn't want to get married (in principle, not that he didn't want to marry me) but that if that's what it came down to, he'd marry me. Not romantic in the slightest - purely practical - but neither of us can imagine life apart now (4 years and 3 months after we got married) and are beyond happy that we made the decision.

So while I understand that eventually it may come down to pushing a decision, my advice would be similar to chary's - do what you can to be together for a while before pushing.

But - I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of fear of commitment thing with him.  We talk about our future ALL THE TIME and he knows that if he wants me to stay/be here permanently we need to get married....but I feel like it's not going to happen anytime soon. 

He told me he wants me here and "of course he does" because he's given me half the dresser, half the wardrobe, a shelf for my books, and buys me whatever I need

I want to just be here permanently.  He seems to want me here permanently, but doesn't want to take the steps we need to take to do it in.

OK. I'll wade in too as someone who has been through this (although it was a hundred years ago).  If this is what you're saying 'I want to be here, I want to stay here.' Then that is probably what he's hearing instead of 'I want to be with you.  I want to stay with you.  And I'll be honest with you.  Most people would be cautious if that's what they were hearing.  I would be.  You really need to think about what it is you want and why you want it.  Do you want to be here in England and Tim is a way to do that?  Or do you want to be with Tim and you need to be in England for that to happen?  Once you figure that out then you need to tell Tim and you need to be honest and clear about it.  Otherwise I'm not sure you're going to ever get the answer you want to hear.

Also, I will just say that sometimes it's the time apart that makes us realize how important the relationship is and that something needs to be done in order to be together. 

Becca - I almost think that in these kind of relationships you have to have the time apart in order to realize how much you want to be together.  Six months is a short time to be concerned about his fear of commitment.  What conversations have you and Tim had about marriage specifically?  I know this is not what you want to hear, but David and I have been talking loosely about the IDEA of marriage for almost a year and *maybe* are almost there. 

Mindy makes an very good point too.  If you are always referring to being in England as something you want (even if thats just how you phrase it), maybe you need to focus your conversations more on being with HIM as the thing you want.  Personally, these conversations are difficult for me to have with David and I never end up saying exactly what I want to get across, so I write letters - if that kind of thing works for you, maybe write him a letter (not asking to get married, but just explaining your feelings for HIM) and put it in his pocket before he goes to work or something. 

I think (and I dont blame you one bit!) that you are just having a bit of a panic because your trip is getting close to the end.   Remember the wise words of Jamie: NOTHING about this is easy.

Oh and ladies, thanks for the new contributions.  Its wonderful to hear from those who have made it to the end of the LDR road. 

Happy New Year everyone - I hope all of those who are together with the ones they love, take a moment after midnight to appreciate that beautiful part of your life. Make those New Years' kisses count!  Its so silly, but I've always wanted "I love you", said to the person I love most, to be my first words of the New Year.  Maybe next year... 

Mindy, great points! I totally agree.

Becca, I feel for you girl! As much as it sucks and it breaks your heart, unfortanately most LDRs have to go through that back and forth thing several times before it becomes permanant. That doesn't make it any easier, but maybe if you know before hand what this all could entail and you STILL want to be together, then maybe it will help lessen the pain a little bit. But I agree that you need to have a good talk with him about what you both want. And the truth is that we can all give you advice, but no one can tell you exactly what you need to do because each relationship and each person is different. I know that if I ever tried to pressure DH before we were married that would have been the end of it. Luckily, I loved him enough (or was crazy enough!) to form a huge amount of patience and stick it out... and it all almost broke on more than one occasion. But that is something you will have to decide as only you know yourself and him. The most important thing is that you are as happy as you can be and you do what you feel is right. I bet you wish you were back in a predictable romantic movie now, eh? Damn that Cameron!! 

Good to hear everyone elses points of view too... (which is just another example of how every situation and relationship is different). I so wished I could have payed $20K a year to go to school over there, which I actually applied for about a year and a half ago, but I just couldn't afford it. Maybe some day I'll get to get a degree of some sort on my spousal visa. I loath school in the US but I think I'd like to try some sort of creative degree in the UK.

Brittany, I'm so glad you're doing well!! I can't imagine having to go to a funeral straight away, but kudos to you! Yay for the earings too!! Jewelry is the best present! What do they look like?