How long did it take you to make friends in the UK?

Good point.
Most of my friends that i've made through work are the going-to-lunch or going-for-a-drink type friends... not the 'i can tell you my innermost secrets' or 'i know i can trust you with my life' type friends.

 

Same with me.  My 'i can tell you my innermost secrets' and 'i know i can trust you with my life'  friend is my husband. Maybe if I were single I would feel differently.

Same with me.  My 'i can tell you my innermost secrets' and 'i know i can trust you with my life'  friend is my husband. Maybe if I were single I would feel differently.

I need a "you are my bestest girlfriend who I can drink tons of champagne with and talk to you about sex, money, children, clothes and how annoyed I am at my husband" friend.

I couldn't live without one of those, nor would I want to!!!
I have my husband to talk about things like housework, childcare and other stuff!

I need a "you are my bestest girlfriend who I can drink tons of champagne with and talk to you about sex, money, children, clothes and how annoyed I am at my husband" friend.

I talk to my husband about these things. If I'm annoyed with him, I tell him.

I talk to my husband about these things. If I'm annoyed with him, I tell him.

Oh, I tell my husband if I am annoyed with him, but telling your girlfriends is also fun. I am a person who needs girlfriends, I adore my husband, and he is my best friend but after 12 years, sometimes the girls are more fun to be around!!! Girls are girls!

Oh, I tell my husband if I am annoyed with him, but telling your girlfriends is also fun. I am a person who needs girlfriends, I adore my husband, and he is my best friend but after 12 years, sometimes the girls are more fun to be around!!! Girls are girls!

I agree with this. For me, after hanging out with guys for so long it was fun to start hanging out with girls again. You need a few girlfriends who just 'get it' you know? 

Unfortunately those usually need time to build.

drink tons of champagne with and talk to you about sex, money, children, clothes and how annoyed I am at my husband" friend.

I couldn't live without one of those, nor would I want to!!!

that's what i talk about with my work colleagues! 
I guess the difference is that it's just chat... i wouldn't expect them to 'be there for me' (whatever that means!)

I think like a few people on here I came to the UK already a mother, and with a child which wasn't of school age and to be honest for the first few years I felt a bit isolated

It has taken a few years.  I had a small child and wasn't out working.  So I am familiar to that feeling of isolation.  Finally, I've made friends with people at work.  It is nice to go out every Friday for drinks after work to let off some steam.  We've been doing this for three years.  However, I can't say I have the same relationships as I've had back home.  I can't quite put my finger on it, it may be an age thing where it may be more difficult to acquire those tight friendships when you are of a certain age. 

Oh, I tell my husband if I am annoyed with him, but telling your girlfriends is also fun. I am a person who needs girlfriends, I adore my husband, and he is my best friend but after 12 years, sometimes the girls are more fun to be around!!! Girls are girls!

Me too. I'm not overly dependent on friends and my husband is my best friend for sure, but when, say, Gordon Ramsay comes on TV, saying "phwoar" to him just isn't the same as saying it to a girl friend.... 

My boyfriend has filled more roles in my life than I could ever have thought imaginable, but I would hate for him to be the only meaningful relationship in my life!  We talk to each other about everything, but it's nice to have another friend to give you a different perspective on things, and to have someone else to spend time with.  My closest friend is in Alaska and the time difference makes it tough so I am hoping that I can eventually find a relationship like that here.  I am working on it in a way, but it's not really something you can work on more than putting yourself out there, kind of like a romantic relationship it's there or it isn't.  I don't think it's a matter of being single or being overly dependent (in fact I would have to think that anyone who assumes it is has never been close enough with anyone outside a relationship to know better), I know plenty of happily married people of all ages, with and without children who have close friendships and people to share their lives with!  Maybe not needing friends is another one of those super-duper well adjusted ex-pat things to aspire to, like not missing your family or anything remotely superficial about home the place you were unfortunately raised...?

Maybe not needing friends is another one of those super-duper well adjusted ex-pat things to aspire to, like not missing your family or anything remotely superficial about home the place you were unfortunately raised...?

Sarcasm noted.

I think it's important in threads like this to remember that everyone is an individual. Just because some people feel that friendship is of paramount importance and some people are happy on their own doesn't mean that either is better or something to somehow aspire to....

And while it's not the topic of this thread, I don't think many people, even the "super-duper well adjusted expats", would ever say they don't ever miss anything (particularly their family). I'd like to think I'm pretty well-adjusted but I miss my mom like mad. I also miss some stupid superficial things. But my preference for living here means I've managed to learn to cope with those pangs. And I would sincerely hope that people who are happy and well-adjusted can give suggestions to people who aren't that are helpful.

 

I think it's mostly to do with personality, my American husband made friends very quickly but he is an outgoing and friendly person.  I'm kinda antisocial and don't really do well with friends, I prefer casual acquaintances that I don't have to invest too much time and effort into.  I know that sounds bad but that's just my personality.  If I moved to the States I think i'd be worried people were too friendly.   

I'm sorry for the sarcasm, it wasn't meant to be directed at anyone for having different views on friendship that I do, and certainly not at AnneR.  It's sarcasm and snarkiness that usually makes me leave the board frustrated for weeks at a time.  I have been at this message for about 30 minutes on and off, pondering and deleting stuff I have said many times before, and I'm just not going to again.  I'll check my attitude now, but honestly, from one well adjusted (for a year! ) ex-pat to another, do the same!  The superiority gets old!

Sorry mods for being off topic, you don't have to tell me.

I agree with this. For me, after hanging out with guys for so long it was fun to start hanging out with girls again. You need a few girlfriends who just 'get it' you know? 

Unfortunately those usually need time to build.

Thats how I feel. I miss having girl friends to just hang out with. Most of the people from work that I've grown close with are guys and they're great. We go to gigs, go out to pubs and have a laugh. But similarly to my husband, who is 'my person' and best friend, they're not exactly interested in sitting in drinking wine and watching Sex in the City or going shopping or going to see NKOTB live I don't need or necessarily want someone who I can 'depend on' to be there for me all the time, but I'm definitely one of those people who like to have friends outside the home and I've found women here to be much less open. And I don't mean that as a negative, it just so happens that all of the girls I've gotten to know already have solid groups of friends and honestly just don't seem interested in adding to them, which is fair enough, but sucks for someone in my position.

I've never been one to have a lot of friends-but I can say that the friends I have here are  true and genuine.   I don't talk to them about deeply personal matters though.  If I can't talk to my husband then I will write my feelings down.  I have not ventured into blogging yet.
I suppose I am in the minority when I say that I have found it easier to make friends here than in the states.  I think that has more to do with my personality than culture.  I don't like people who try to get too close too quickly. 

This is completely off topic, but I can't get over the fact that so many people on here think that British women are so closed off and cold! I find them to be so wonderful and warm, I can't remember the last time I met someone who I thought wasn't interested in a chat, be it at work, in the supermarket, anywhere! I feel bad that people feel that way about British women! I love the fact that British women don't care so much about what you look like, or how much money you have! I love that about Britain! I am surrounded by warm wonderful women, I am going to come and send some round your way!

I would however say that this might be because I am in the North West, where the people are so amazing...