Fear of Flying

DH and I are flying to the US in January and as the trip gets closer he's getting more and more anxious about the flight.  He's never flown to the US before, which is making it harder since I'm overflowing with excitement about him finally meeting all of my siblings and grandmother and seeing where I grew up, but whenever I mention it to him it just makes his stomach churn.  He's gone on short flights before from the UK to Germany and Hungary, but even those made him nervous and he only did them because they were absolutely necessary.

We're flying from Heathrow to Newark on Virgin, which I've heard is the best airline for leg room and overall comfort.  I was thinking he could check the in-flight entertainment and hopefully it'll have loads of episodes of CSI or the Bourne films or something else distracting, and if not he could take some sleeping pills or some medicine to relax him.  I'm not too concerned about how tired he gets since I'll be alert to make sure we don't miss anything. 

I think his main concerns are the length of the flight, flying over the ocean, and flying in general, oh, and of hitting turbulence.  Has anyone used any medicine for flying that they could recommend, or have any other advice that might make it easier for him?

I don't really get nervous flying at all, but I do take sleeping pills to help me sleep on the international flights.  Maybe he can go the GP and get a prescription for something?  My mother is terrified of flying and it will be ages before she ever makes it on an international flight to come visit me, so I can understand.  She has finally managed to do a few short internal flights in the US by taking some prescription anti-anxiety drugs.  I would suggest having him go to the GP and see if there is anything they can prescribe to help him.

Hi there Rue -- I also dread flying especially over the ocean! This fear began shortly after 9/11 and hasn't dissipated since and I've been flying regularly since I was 12 (32 now). DH and I were supposed to fly to Dublin last September and my anxiety got so bad we missed the trip...ugghhh. Actually, I'm feeling a little anxious right now lol. However, I usually go to my GP and he prescribes me several pills of valium (like 8 pills) to get me to Europe and back. It usually helps with the anxiety and I suggest your DH go to his GP as well. Good luck with the flight!

Yup, like the others have said.... go to the GP.  I had a friend with a fear of flying...she always went to the doctor and got pills before every long flight.

Thanks for the advice.  We hadn't considered going to our GP but I think it's definitely the best option.  I like the sound of anti-anxiety medication more than sleeping pills for him, because hopefully he'll start feeling more comfortable with the flight if he can do it awake but without anxiety so it can become familiar to him.  And also since we're not quite sure how he'll react to such a long flight, we'll already have the medication for the return flight which might save us having to find something in the US without him being a citizen or having health insurance.  Thanks again. We'll make an appointment at the GP asap.  

Thanks for the advice.  We hadn't considered going to our GP but I think it's definitely the best option.  I like the sound of anti-anxiety medication more than sleeping pills for him, because hopefully he'll start feeling more comfortable with the flight if he can do it awake but without anxiety so it can become familiar to him.  And also since we're not quite sure how he'll react to such a long flight, we'll already have the medication for the return flight which might save us having to find something in the US without him being a citizen or having health insurance.  Thanks again. We'll make an appointment at the GP asap.  

I have also developed serious flight anxiety since 9/11 and have discovered that Alprazolam helps me immensely! One thing that has taken me a while to figure out: when I was first given anti-anxiety meds, I would take them just before getting on the flight or while waiting to get on and I was still having panic attacks and freaking out. I discovered that I have to take them hours before the stressful even occurs, or my catecholamines block the useful anxiolytic effects. So, if he was planning on driving to the airport it might be best to get someone to take him. Another side effect I have experienced from my anti-anxiety meds is that I sometimes have no memory of what happened while I was "out of it" and it can be a little frightening! My judgement is also not always so great when I am under the influence, and I have done things like buying handbags in the airport giftshop then turning up in the US having no clue why I have this extra handbag (it was a cute one though!).

Just a thought :-)

Something else I wanted to mention: Virgin Atlantic has a program called "Flying Without Fear" that I DEFINITELY plan on taking one day...but they only operate out of the UK at the moment. Something I did was go online to their website: www.flyingwithoutfear.info and signed up for their free newsletter which addresses topics like turbulence and how planes work.

I am also a member of this community: www.getonthatplane.com which has commercial pilots and other experts on hand to answer questions and threads to ask people to "track" your flight which sometimes makes people feel better. Anyway, these are just some of the things that have helped me, and I have improved considerably!

I am also a member of this community: www.getonthatplane.com which has commercial pilots and other experts on hand to answer questions and threads to ask people to "track" your flight which sometimes makes people feel better. Anyway, these are just some of the things that have helped me, and I have improved considerably!

I would second going here, since I'm a member as well--it's a free forum where people can discuss and help each other with their fears, and there's a few pilots on there who are really good at explaining things. I went on there when I first came over to the UK last year since it was the first time I had flown everywhere and I was a bit anxious about the whole experience. The people there are pretty nice and knowledgable, and I find knowing the 'mechanics' of flying help a lot with my anxieties--if I understand how things work on a basic scale, there's less things for me to get scared about (since much of my fear is of the unknown).

Hopefully his GP is able to help him out as well, anti-anxiety medications can be a great tool in helping to overcome a fear of flying--he can start out with a little bit of medication and over time work on getting to the point where he won't need it, since it's much easier to deal with fears and anxieties when you're not freaking out over stuff But it's understandable, I was scared when I first flew, and my mom won't come over here since she has the same fears about flying over water, etc.

Just wanted to say that I HATE flying. I mean, I'm terrified when taking off and landing in particular. BUT, having said that, for me, flying on the giant jumbo jets that go to America and back are much less scary than the small planes they use for domestic flights and to go to Europe and back. For me, I would far rather get on the plane from London to the states than the one from Newcastle to London. The jumbo jets are a much smoother ride and a smoother take-off and landing. The flight from London to Newcastle last time made me want to curl in a ball and weep for my life, there was so much turbulence and the way they bounce when they land... oh God!!!!  And it was only a half hour flight compared to the 9 hour flight I made from the states to London. The movies also help distract me from feeling too afraid during the actual flight (I still get nervous at take-offs and landings because I know that's when things are more likely to go wrong!) Also, the flight is soooo long that you really can't just be on the edge of your seat the whole time. As afraid as I am to fly, I still get bored after an hour or two just like everyone else. 

Oh God Jewlz than you will never want to fly to the IOM. Some of the planes they use to fly here are like rubber band wind up planes. Some only seat about 8 people..

I am also a member of this community: www.getonthatplane.com which has commercial pilots and other experts on hand to answer questions and threads to ask people to "track" your flight which sometimes makes people feel better. Anyway, these are just some of the things that have helped me, and I have improved considerably!

I have no particular issues with flying (though, once on a flight to the US, the turbulence was SOOOO bad, that I just put my head in my husband's lap and sobbed with fear), but I checked out that forum.

I'm curious as to how knowing your flight is being "tracked" helps? You can't see the comments, I'm guessing, as there's no internet access in the sky, so how does it help? (This is not a sarcy question, btw, I'm genuinely interested in how it works).

I used to get tranquillizers from the doc but, as I start getting the heeby-jeebies a week or so before a flight and didn't want to be taking them for that long, I gave them up. Now its just sheer will power.
My in-laws flew for the first time when they came for our wedding in the US.  MIL was very much the nervous type and I remember when we hit a tiny bit of turbulence she jumped up out of her seat, grabbing the back of the seat in front and pulling some poor man's hair!! 

Oh God Jewlz than you will never want to fly to the IOM. Some of the planes they use to fly here are like rubber band wind up planes. Some only seat about 8 people..

  NOPE. I think I will skip that! 

I'm curious as to how knowing your flight is being "tracked" helps? You can't see the comments, I'm guessing, as there's no internet access in the sky, so how does it help? (This is not a sarcy question, btw, I'm genuinely interested in how it works).

You know, I still haven't figured out why it helps some people. I never bothered with that part of the forum, I think its a mental thing like knowing that someone is thinking about you while you're out there flying and is keeping track? That's purely a guess though :-) We're in the same boat as far as that bit of the forum is concerned!

We checked out the forum and it has some really great info on it.  I was able to find threads on turbulence and flying over water and both of them reassured me and DH.  My favorites were an experiment that proves turbulence is less severe in a plane than it is on a highway going 6 times slower, it's just a bit scarier if you don't know the logistics of what's causing it.  And also that when flying over water the aircraft is usually within an hour or two of an alternate airport. 

And Jewlz I definitely agree that larger aircraft feel safer and less bumpy than the smaller planes.  Since DH has never been on a long flight he might actually prefer this plane and route once he tests it out.

I don't know if I can explain why, but I have used flight tracking before.  My siblings and I used to email each other the live tracking link whenever we were flying home or to meet relatives so we could update the adults on the actual time of arrival.  But in the past few years one sister and I always email each other our flight info regardless of where we're going or if anyone's meeting us at the airport.  It's kind of like the warm feeling you get when you know someone's thinking of you at that exact moment, but magnified since I know my sister might be looking at a little diagram showing a picture of my exact plane in flight with all of the cool live flight info underneath.  Though I don't think I'd feel that way if the person doing the tracking wasn't a family member or close friend...

It's amazing what belief will do for someone, isn't it? I mean, these people don't know for sure that someone is tracking their flight, but the belief alone is enough to alleviate their fear sufficiently to get through the flight. Shame you can't bottle it, isn't it?