Going on monday and worried about my mother

On Monday, December 14th, I plan to leave for England to see my boyfriend and his family. My mother, however, is not impressed with my decision.

I told her way back in October, after I bought the plane ticket that I am planning to go. Ever since then, she has been saying that there is no way that I am going to go on that day, and that she will prevent me from leaving the house on the 14th, even if she has to call the police. She has tried getting my father to cancel the ticket, and has tried to talk me into canceling it myself, or giving it away.

I am 19 years old and fully aware of my decision of going. I have talked to his family before and they are looking forward to me coming. I took from the 14th to January 2nd off from work as well. I am very worried, however, how everything is going to play out on Monday. My ride comes at 4:20pm. I've tried talking to her, but to no avail. She refuses to talk to my boyfriend. Is there anything else I can do? 

Why is she so dead set against you going? 

I don't think there's much you can do other than staying somewhere else the night before and not letting you know where you are so that you can leave in peace.

She does not trust my boyfriend and thinks that I will be in danger if I go, which I can understand. I did let her know that I will contact her when I get off the plane, I'm with him, etc. My boyfriend says that I can call everyday from his house, plus I can use Skype and Facebook to keep in contact with her.

I've been planning this trip since July/August and am set on going.

oh phantomrose don't you love parents....

I agree with geeta and stay with a friend - does she know your flight numbers? She can't really call the police since you are over 18.
She is worried and I am sure you have left her every number known to man - heck leave his mom's phone number.

She wil be pissed but hey it happens, it is part of growing up.

She may make your life hell but you will live - maybe she is upset because its over the holidays?

You have to do what you have to do ;-)

good luck

Thank you Zoyabean and geeta. I do not really have any friends close to me that I can stay with, but I will try to endure it at home until Monday. I was talking to my sister in the car and she also says that my mother cannot really call the police on me, since I'm over 18. I'm hoping that she can support me through Monday. 

I did leave her my number, the house number over there, I got her as a friend on Facebook, and I am thinking of setting up a Skype account for her as well.

Calling the police? That's a bit extreme, and like everyone else has said, you're over 18, so they aren't going to do anything. I was in an LDR with a guy from Reading a few years ago, and my entire family thought I was going to be axe-murdered right there in Heathrow when I went to meet him for the first time (we met online). My grandparents drove me to the airport, and I'll never forget the conversation.

It sounds like you've done everything you can to reassure her. I know it's hard to think this way when she's making crazy threats, but her actions are most likely motivated by love and concern for you.

She's...a pretty extreme person, to say the least. She's very conservative and close minded. I've tried everything in my power to make her see my point of view (I even wrote down a letter, explaining my reasons and my thoughts on the matter) and her answer still remains the same. -sigh- Well, parents will be parents I guess...lol. I'm just trying to stay positive about this upcoming Monday, and my bf is helping me a little. I was thinking of one last talk with her on Sunday, but then again I'm a little fearful of bringing the subject up again.

Your mom cant stop you from going, but I suppose she could stop you from returning to her house when you come back... Just out of curiousity - what are her objections?  Is your BF much older than you? Have you ever met him before? Have you been speaking for very long? I do have to say that if I had a 19 year old daughter who met a man on the internet, I would have objections to her going to another country to be with him. My suggestion is to try to look at it from her point of view.  You may be caught up in love and excitement, but there are valid reasons for a mother to be concerned for a child of your age in this situation.   

If all you want to do is make sure she doesnt stop you from boarding the plane, then just make sure you keep your passport with you at all times - short of her taking your passport, she cant stop you.

Phantomrose90 , like many members of this forum, I also met my husband online, so I understand your situation. Are you meeting him in person for the first time on this trip?   

When I met Mr. K. the first time, I did not stay with him, but in a hotel.  I was fortunate enough to have a friend come with me for the first part of the visit and other friends who were visiting London at the same time, so I had back up just in case things did not go as smoothly as I had envisioned.

What is your back up plan?  Do you have the monetary resources to take care of yourself if things go pear-shaped?   If you have planned for the worse case scenario, does your mom know about it?  That might make her feel a bit less stressed if she knows you are approaching this meeting using your head as well as your heart.

mirrajay- To answer your questions, yes my boyfriend is older than me. He is twenty-five. We've been talking for two years now (im, phone, Skype, etc.) This is my first time meeting him.

Karrit- I have made a back up plan if things do not go so well. I have to notify my mom of this back up plan. I also gave my friends my contact information, told them exactly where I'm going, etc.

Sounds like you've got everything under control - backup plan and all. Mom's can be tough, they just love to worry.

I'm sure once you're in England and have assured her that everything is going fine, she'll calm down.

Hope all goes well. It's hard when mom doesn't understand.

My sister acted out this way the first time I came to the UK. But you know what? You're an adult and need to remember this and to just get on with it. Once I told my sister my decision I found if I tried to discuss it any more with her it just caused more arguments so I kept mum since she knew all of my details and where I was going to be.

I even had it planned out on how I was going to get to the airport without the help of any of my family dropping me off because I did not want to count on such an important day when they might decide to be stubborn. I know it's hard but you are allowed to live your live and are not a child anymore. Good luck and hope you have a wonderful time here in the UK. 

You're 18, so your mother is probably having problems with viewing you as an adult, since only a few months ago you were still under her "control".  The best thing you can do is show your mom that you are worthy of being treated as a n adult. From your replies, it sounds like you have a solid plan in place for visiting your BF and as a just in case plan, which is good.  I would also type up an information sheet for your mom - list on it the ways to contact you while you are overseas, your BF's name, number, and address, and maybe a loose itinerary.  Consider buying a Skype number or setting up Goggle Voice this weekend so she has a local number to call to reach you. 

I went to the UK for the first time, alone, at 18. My parents were unimpressed, to say the least. Infact, the only reason I was allowed (yes, allowed. oh dad.) was because my older brother (9.5 years older) replied "Well, at her age I already had a kid and was about to get married. Who cares if she wants to go see another country?"

It was hard, and difficult, to go without their real blessing. Eventually they got around to the idea although now they regret it because I moved away.

I understand where you are coming from. Luckily, for me, it all ended up okay. I made a few friends, got married to one, and fell in love with Cambridge. Not to mention my parents finally getting over the idea they could control everything I did. Hopefully, your Mom will come around to the idea. Even if it's not until you're back. Because at least then she'll give her blessing for future trips if she sees you're safe and fine!

Little_Evo- I also got my ride covered without the help of family members. I figured that I was going to have to arrange one lol. 

Lady RebeccaJaneStClair- I like your idea of typing up an information sheet for my family. That will really help. I'm going to set up a Skype account for her now as well.

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. I am really excited for this trip, and looking forward to it! I would like to ask how did your first visits go? What can a person expect from arriving at the Heathrow Airport? I have heard some scary stories about COs; I'm a bit nervous about that part, but feel prepared. I have my ticket as a round trip ticket, and asked my manager to write a letter, explaining that I have work responsibilities in the States.