Bit of a strange New Year's day.....

So, last night, DH's best mate came over with his wife, to watch the last ever David Tenant Dr. Who episode.

They're here from NYC for about 8 days, and have a nightmarish whirl-wind time here in the UK, seeing friends and old co-workers. DH's best mate is British, and his wife is American. They've been living in NYC for the past two years.

Here's the point-they came over to ours, but, they came with a bag of their own food, bought from a petrol station.

They had come from Manchester to Crewe(about 1hour and a half journey), after seeing other friends, at their hotel.

*I'm not passing judgement on them, I totally sympathise with them, in way, because their holiday's been a nightmare from start to finish*
 MiL was deeply hurt, almost in tears, because she sees DH's best mate as her second son, in a way. She didn't even want to see them. She's 80, and it brought up her blood pressure, so, FiL, DH and I have been doing our best to take her attention from it, I just feel so bad for her.

DH and I were a bit shocked, and we said between ourselves that we wouldn't do anything like that to anyone else, but, we just put it down to them not managing their time well enough.

I just...I dunno, had to tell the story, because it seems this forum is the only friends-or close to-that I have in the UK.

Why was MIL hurt? Because they brought over food? Sorry but I don't understand.

Ditto, Jupy--just not understanding.  Had you cooked a dinner for the four of you?  Or was it just post-dinner time and they hadn't had time to eat earlier, so came with food?

maybe they were just hungry,didnt have time to eat. and didnt want to assume that they were going to eat there.
dont see a reason to get hurt over it, its not like they refused to eat your food then went off to buy something else

Were they coming over for a planned meal? Did they know that someone was cooking? If I was coming for a flying visit, I wouldn't want to put anyones 80 year old mother into that kind of trouble to cook. I would bring food too. Sorry!

Ok, the way I read it. The friend was like a second son to her and he didn't go and visit with her. Yep, I see were she coming from.

I dont, who in their right mind would go over to someones else and expect a 80yr old woman to cook for them?

yeah i think there's part of the story that's in your head but not in the post we're missing the upsetting part.

maybe they were just hungry,didnt have time to eat. and didnt want to assume that they were going to eat there.

Yes. Something I would do. I wouldn't assume that if I were invited to someone else's home, they were going to cook a meal for me, especially not an 80 year old woman.

Further explanation needed.

I'm not getting the upsetting bit either.  I think you must have left something out, like your MIL had spent all day preparing food for them?

I agree that we're probably missing something here, but I don't see that age is an issue really. I mean there are 80-year-olds and there are 80-year-olds. I have two aunts well into their 80s who are great cooks and who still love cooking and having dinner parties.

I'm not getting the upsetting bit either.  I think you must have left something out, like your MIL had spent all day preparing food for them?

And if so, had they been told that she was cooking for them? As I said, if I was a guest in someone else's home I wouldn't expect them to prepare my meals for me.

Chary, you are right about the age thing.  However, abbygirl brought up her MIL's age and  blood pressure as if it were an issue, which to me implies that this 80 year old woman is not in the best of health.

I'm also very confused. The story doesn't seem to make any sense. 

Well, DH and I-between ourselves-didn't think it was that big of a deal, just not something that we would've done, in the same position. At the time it happened, it was-awkward, I guess.

We think we would've just eaten before, called and said that we were running late because we hadn't eaten, or, eaten while driving, or eaten afterwards,or,we would've called and said that we hadn't eaten yet, and could we bring something round for everyone else.

Yesterday, MiL pretty much said the same as I did, just.

MiL hadn't cooked for them, but, she had gotten some desserts in for when they were coming, but, nothing that special.

Essentially, it's been a string of DH's friend (I'll call him DR) I dunno, sort of changing in his personality/habits, over time, and not for the better. When we got engaged, DR said that he'd be DH's best man, move heaven and hell to get back here and be with us on the day, and when it came to it, he didn't. Then, he apologised for not coming, and said that he'd send us money for our wedding present, and he ended up buying and IPOD touch with the money he was supposed to send us.

Geez, I just re-read this, and it makes us sound awfully selfish. I thought it would be easy to explain in a post, but, apparently, not so much. Hopefully, this explains it better. If not, I'll delete the original post. Sorry!!!!!

I think I see why the MIL was upset. She was probably looking forward to it and had made some preparations. It was a pretty big deal to her, but the friend made it seem like the visit was just one more stop along the way maybe. Or something like that maybe.

I think I see why the MIL was upset. She was probably looking forward to it and had made some preparations. It was a pretty big deal to her, but the friend made it seem like the visit was just one more stop along the way maybe. Or something like that maybe.

I think you've hit it, spot on. It wasn't so much about the food issue, per se, I reckon that was just the easiest thing to target, because it had just happened. I think it's just that feeling of....being overlooked or passed over as an after thought, when DH and his parents had thought that we would be higher up on the priority list. DH and his parents had helped DR  thru a lot of different situations while DR lived here, and DH also helped DR out a great deal when DR was going thru some hardtimes in the States the first time, when DR and his wife had moved to Virginia a couple of years ago. So, I think it's more of the feeling of...MiL feeling that DR was....maybe ungrateful or something.