Does anyone get irritated when BF is late to Skype/Chat?

It's Sunday today and we are both off work.  I work during the week as well as he does.  The 5 hour difference only allows us to talk on Skype on the weekends and just email or IM through the week.

Last night, my UK BF emailed me and said he would have messenger on and Skype open by 3-4 (my time) which is about 8-9pm (his time).

He has NOT emailed me today at all.  He is NOT online as he said he would be and it's now almost 10pm his time and I know he has to go to work tomorrow.  If he DOES get on Skype at all tonight, our call will have to now be cut short because he will need to get to sleep for work tomorrow.

I am really irritated right now that he is late.  I mean I am busy at home doing choures too but I feel he is important enough to me to maintain a relationship by hearing each others voice on Skype.

I actually have been feeling like his emails have simmered down in comparison to mine.

We have only been having a long distance thing for about a month now, so I would think his enthusiasm being in a new relationship would still be exciting and he'd WANT to be on time for me like I am for him!  I am surprised I haven't even gotten an email all day!

Is this normal to be irritated?  is this a bad sign that his emails have calmed down and he's not being on time to Skype?

thanks

The quickest way to end a LDR is to be overly pushy on the other person's time, to demand attention and to make them feel bad/guilty/whatever about spending their time living their own life, is to be needy.

A LDR requires more than twice the amount of trust that one that occurs in the same room has. You need to be absolutely sure in your own motives, the motives of your partner and in the situation. If you aren't, your relationship will self destruct pretty quickly, and the more you push for more time and attention, the quicker it will disappear.

If he's not online you need to be happy that he's out living his life, seeing his friends, watching TV, playing games and having a full social life. He should be living a  happy life full of fun and friends in the UK, if he loves you, he'll always come back to you when he's free.  You need to be doing the same, take up a hobby, go out with your girlfriends, go shopping, have a long bath with lots of bubbles, don't sit around thinking of how late he is, or that he hasn't called. Live your life, then whenever the phone rings or an email pops up, it has no negative connotations, it's just an unexpected pleasure.

Love is not measured in the amount of time you spend on Skype, nor the number of emails you receive, it is measured in the depths of your hearts. Either you trust that his heart is deep and you accept that he has a fun/important/worthy life he needs to live outside of your relationship or you spend your time trying to gauge "signs" from the number of words he types. 

Thank you for your response. 

Understandably having a life outside an LDR is important. I do grant him that. It's just that I also think it's important to give the LDR attention when it needs to.

He told me he would talk to me at a certain time and we only get to talk once a week. (if that, cause sometimes we don't)

Now I feel that he is not putting enough importance on getting to me in time cause now he will have to go to bed and missed the time slot.  I mean he has a Droid phone, if he is out he can email me to tell me he cant get on Skype or something...

Just disappointed.

You need to say these things to him. This is probably the third post I've read from you about how you feel like he's not putting the effort in that you would like. You will make much more progress by talking to your partner and clarifying that when you two make a "date" to please email if he's not going to be able to make it.

Here the important part though: after you communicate that this is what you feel is important and he agrees to it - trust him. If it becomes a recurring issue you will have to address that, but we're never going to be able to help you clear up the issue. Only the two of you can do that.

If I remember correctly, this relationship is still pretty new, and the two of you haven't actually met in person yet, correct?  It may be that he doesn't feel that he needs to check in with you all the time, or spend every free moment talking to you, and rightly so.  Cheesebiscuit is right, if you push too hard, especially too early, you will ruin things.  Give him time to get used to being in a relationship, and above all time to really get to know you.   Don't make him the centre of your life, or pressure him to make you the centre of his.  I learned the hard way what happens when you push a man too hard, and ended up in an awful situation that I swore never to repeat.  My next relationship I made a point of not pushing, not going too fast, just letting things develop naturally.  That "next relationship" is now my husband.  I'm certain that if I had behaved the way I did with the first guy, I wold have driven DH away too.  It's hard, especially when you feel sure about someone, but you really have to let things develop at their own pace.  If he wants to talk to you, he will.  If he doesn't, he won't.  And if you get upset because he doesn't want to talk to you, then that will just make him want to talk even less!  Just step back, relax, and enjoy the conversations you do have.   

yep, the relationship is about a month old and have not met in person.  I have talked to him before about things I feel, and about the things posted before on this board. I did talk to him about how i noticed his emails sort of died down and he said didn't have a good week last week and he was ill.  I am certainly all about talking about every little thing before a feeling snowballs into anything negative.  I don't feel I am pushing him at all to be attentive, but I do talk on this board when I first feel these feelings, and then talk to him briefly about this or that without sounding needy.

See, I canceled meeting up with my girlfriend today because BF and I decided on a time to Skype yesterday. (it's because my girlfriend came to my work and asked to meet up for today when I have already made plans with him to Skype earlier.  If I would have known he wouldn't show up, I would have went out with her)!!

Now, he hasn't even been online or even emailed me.  His emails are dwindeling and he's not ill now!

Do i tell him that I canceled seeing my girlfriend so that we could have a chance to catch up and he never showed up?  Do i tell him that so next time he will at least know to send me a courtesy email?

(when I talk to him I seriously don't come off like I come off on this board.  I ask you guys for advise before I speak to him as I do not want to press him for too much of his time or attention) but still, it confuses me how I do KNOW he really likes me, yet I am still noticing his emails are dying down and so is the content he is writing to me.  Now I am noticing that he is not keeping a Skype commitment when I would thin k he would it should be as important to him as it is to me.

So like is this the beginnings of a red flag a bit?  I am finding myself very irritated at his lack of interest.

I don't think e-mails dwindling down is really a red flag, depending on the frequency.  Some people are able to maintain that kind of communication better than others and I would think it would be natural for them to die down a little over the initial getting to know you stage where you absolutely know nothing about each other.  I know also it was hard for me to think of new things to e-mail my bf about when I was just working and not really doing anything of interest. 

I do think that you should certainly ask him for in the future to let you know if he won't be able to make a Skype date so you can make other plans if he can't make it. 

Also just IMHO, I think the fact that you are already so concerned about this relationship seems like an indicator to me it might not be working.  Some people expect different levels of attention and communication and seems like the two of your's don't match up they way you would like. 

Well see, here is the thing.  I am only starting to feel this NOW.  Before his emails were extensive, longer and more detailed.  I have definitely remained consistent with my level of communication and attention I give him.

I did speak to him yesterday on the IM at work on lunch break but then I am pissed that today is his day off and it's unusual not to get at least an email from him.  I have noticed the past two weeks on his behalf his communication has been dwindling a little.

I mean, I've sent him pictures of where I am, my area, my work building with my camera phone and I asked him weeks ago to send me pics of his flat and pics of Norwich.  He said he wants to send them to me for me to see but he hasn't made the effort! 

I mean he has mentioned to me before that one of his pet peeves is when someone asks him to do something once, he will do it...but he hates people continuously asking him to do things....so I am not going to ask him to try to send pics.   But I also think if he hates people asking him to do things continuously, maybe there's a reason why people are asking him over and over again, is because HE is the one taking too much time to do anything!

Well, now it's after midnight in England, and I still have not heard from him. It's his day off and it's unusual I haven't even gotten an email.  I sent over an email message that said that I would like it if he is to change out plans to at least shoot me over an email to let me know because I canceled plans yesterday with a girlfriend of mine because I had already had plans to talk to him on skype.  I said, if I would have known that you were not going to be online at that time, i could have went out with her.

I am really angry right now, and I am not sure if I am over-reacting.

I just feel like if a guy likes you they will be attentive, even in an LDR!!

He never did email me or skype me tonight and it's 3:30am over there.

Don't you think that was inconsiderate?   He set a time to skype yesterday and then he doesn't show up or give me an email.

Do your significant others do that sometimes too?

There has been times when my bf has fallen asleep at times we usually chat, so that may be the case here? There's an 8 hr difference between us so it is hard to keep up with our usual schedule. In any case, you should definitely have a talk with him, voice your concerns,  and see what's really going on.

I think it's harder for the one in the US sometimes. I've felt that my day revolves around the time that I get to talk to my husband. I feel sad when we don't get to talk because it's the highlight of my day. You're the one who is going to have to plan things around your conversations as they are right in the middle of your day. However, by the time your scheduled chat comes around, your boyfriend is knackered a lot of the time. Think about it... he can't be the sharpest conversationally late at night. It's not great, but hey, it's all you have.

I can see where you're coming from. But you have to understand that you both have different lives. When our relationship was new, we used to send super long emails and used to IM each other for hours on end. But because of jobs, university, family, etc., our chat time has had to be sacrificed. It doesn't mean that we love each other less because we spend far less time chatting that we did before. It just means that there are other things in our lives, other responsibilities.   

You are fortunate to have a relationship where Skype is a huge part of your relationship. Skype didn't exist back when my husband and I first met. If you use Skype video chat, I'm sure you'd agree that it's much more fun to see each other than to email/IM as a sole method of communication. For this reason my husband and I don't email each other as much because we've told each other everything we want to via Skype. 

Don't worry, things happen: He might have fallen asleep, he might have had a crappy internet connection and couldn't get online, he might be ill, he could have had computer problems, or there might have been a power outage. Trust me, these things do happen.

It's very easy when you are lonely, feeling sad, depressed, or a combination of the three to over analyse things. Been there many times! Your relationship is still young and I'm sure you are absolutely smitten and can think of nothing else but him. Get to know each other better and see if this is something you both want to pursue. If you are going to make this work, you both need to be open with each other. It's the only way to conquer these fears.

Good luck.

Sorry, but its Monday and I'm too grouchy to sugar coat... have you ever seen 'He's Just Not That Into You'?

Sorry, but its Monday and I'm too grouchy to sugar coat... have you ever seen 'He's Just Not That Into You'?

I was thinking the same thing.

I was thinking the same thing.

Me three. I was having similar issues with a guy I was dating (who was local, even, no distance issues at the time). He was a great guy, but yeah, it felt like I was doing all the communicating and I wouldn't get a reaction from him. I spent about a month stressing big time about it and really working myself up, and then it clicked...it wasn't working, and it wasn't worth it. We broke up, and I've been so much more relaxed since. I don't have to second guess whether my e-mail got read, whether he's not responding because he's thinking about it or because he's just lazy, etc.

I'm not saying break up, because that's up to the two of you. But as others have said - if you're a priority in his life, he'll "be there" in the relationship (via skype chats, e-mails, text messages, whatever). If not, he won't.

He might just need a while to adjust to things and being in a LDR kind of relationship.  I remember once my boyfriend telling me he'd "be right back" because he had to give a friend a ride home.  He didn't message me back for 4 days because he'd decided to go on an impromptu fishing trip.   

We've been happily married now for 5 years so i'd say don't give up yet, at least talk to him about how his actions are making you feel.